Whew... awake after a wild night of "Dancin' Goat" craziness. Funkmaster Pink suprised all of us and showed up yesterday for the new year's event, so we chilled for awhile and ended up going to a mutual friend's birthday party with Cody and Jen. I was feeling a bit under the weather, both emotionally and physically, but once i had a few beers in me all was well with the world. Hell, I was even dancing!

There's something to be said for that, since Goat's generally don't dance. We aren't very graceful creatures, so we often make fools of ourselves or sprain our ankles at work or do something equally stupid.

Alas, it was a fucking blast. There's nothing that completes a night like cans of keystone light, shots of Karkov, and Goat with five other dudes belting out Metallica's Whiskey in the Jar at the top of our lungs. I think there might have been a moment when we were singing to Culture Club and some other 80s tunes, as well, but I can't exactly remember for sure. :)

But, as often is the case, errands reared their ugly head today, requiring me to yank my lazy ass out of bed at the hideous hour of 9:00am. A time which most certainly should not exist whilst on vacation. Thus, i'm running on a good six hours of sleep. Granted, normally I only get about 5.5 or 6 hrs anyways, but again, on vacation such a thing is a travesty.

I might have to nap today, then, given tonight's massive blow-out at Cody and Pink's place. Pretty much everyone and their uncle is coming, and it sounds like there'll be some new girls there too, so it should be a kick-ass time. Sometime this afternoon Pink and I are planning a mall run to see if we can find more folks we know to invite, then go score some tasty beverages, and get the house all ready for a night of pure insanity.

This year has blown far more ass than expected, so if I have anything to say about it, it's going out with a bang.

Time for me to go tend to some laundry and other nasty details of normal, every-day existence. Have a rockin' new year's, reader, and be safe.

Song of the Noon Hour - Smashing Pumpkins - Geek USA

Dude... I slept in today!!!

Last night rocked - no weird dreams, no laying there for a good hour and a half until i fall asleep, and I actually was able to keep my ass in bed until 11:30. Yes! I'm sure this will cause me royal problems come next week, when I must return to the office, but for now, this is sweet sweet bliss.

The Denny's didn't even mess with me last night... there just might be hope for the Goat yet!

But, seeing that I just woke up about an hour ago, not much has transpired yet. All I've done today so far is freshen up, order some coins from the US Mint (work got me a $50 gift certificate for Christmas usable on the Mint's website), and eat a fine breakfast of honey nut cheerios. Seriously, one of the best cereals out there - right up there with frosted mini wheats, cinnamon toast crunch, and cocoa pebbles. So, all in all, it's been an okay morning. At the very least, the shop hasn't yet called to tell me the Taurus is done, which is fine by me since I'm a bit concerned about the final cost of all this.

Sometimes it's easier just pushing bad things onto the proverbial back burner and forgetting about them for a little bit.

For now, I'll just meander downstairs and watch a little more of the first season of Friends. Have a joyous Tuesday afternoon, reader.

Song of the Moment - Dave Matthews Band - #41

Whew... fun night out on the town with the Lobster and the Princess and, later on, July Lucille, too. But, alas, a night that left the poor Goat far too tired to coherently write.

Note to self, too, while i'm at it: I'm no longer in college... nasty-ass fatty Denny's food doesn't agree well with me anymore late at night like it used to. Bunk! I'm a bit on the queasy side, and i'm sure i'll end up having the hiatal hernia rear its ugly head tonight. It's honestly been quite awhile since it's given me hell, since as a matter of principle i don't eat late at night anymore, but ... this could buck the trend. We shall see.

All i really want is to just be able to sleep in tomorrow, really... i'm taking the time off of work - the least i should be able to do is sleep. I so could have today, too, if it wasn't for my awful ghetto Taurus. Took it to the shop today, who later told me it would cost something like $1075 to fix everything. Ahh... no. The coolant leak isn't too bad, so I opted just to get the rear brakes redone (since that's just one of those "duh" sort of things, being a safety issue and all) with a much-needed oil change thrown in for good measure. That should reduce the damage to about $450 (only) ... bah.

It is late, though, and my comfy bed is calling. Sleep well, reader, and dream sweetly.

Results of the Match.com What type of women should you date? test:

Couch Potato

"It's unlikely you'd ever find this woman, as you don't seem to go out much or know too many females. But this type of woman, being the same way, wouldn't find you either. Try making an effort to be more social if you want to increase your chances!"

Shit, that means I need to get off my ass and actually be proactive about stuff. Being ambitious blows.

That suggestion, though, has one glaring flaw: if I go out on a limb and become more social (which I read must mean going to bars, joining a club, or doing some other civic-minded function), I probably won't meet some couch-potato chicas there either, since, well, if they're in the same boat as me, they'll just be sitting at home watching Friends or reading Lord of the Rings. What the hell...

But, I suppose there's other things I can do today, instead of nurturing my inner social butterfly. The gods of winter weren't smiling down on Bismarck too much yesterday, and in their benevolence dumped quite a nice load of white shit on us. Once I get ambitious this morning, I'll need to venture out into the waste and shovel my walk and driveway. Joy. And I do need to brave the streets later and score some leftover Christmas food from Pink's mother. She made this weird Norweigan rice pudding that I absolutely love, so I'm fairly stoked about getting some. Even though I hardly got any lefse this year, I can't say the holidays were a total loss if I can come out with some of Sue's rumegrout.

Thankfully my left ankle is quite a bit better, too. The first day - Christmas Eve - sucked ass, but the swelling has gone down quite a bit and it doesn't hurt all that much. I can walk on the thing, but I'm trying to keep off of it just to help the swelling go down and to hopefully lessen this off-an-on tingling sensation that I feel. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but I'm leaning towards the bad, so we'll see how that one turns out. If I can avoid the doctor, though, that would be cool since I'm not much in a position this month to pay a deductible or simply the co-pay. The poor Vehicle of Destruction (Taurus) is way under the weather now, and I fear next week's repair bill will be kicking my ass. The coolandt system work alone will likely hit me for over $200, and I don't even want to think what the brakes will run - if I have them do 'em. My old man and I might just work on those instead and save some money.

Either way, cars just blow, since it always seems that whenever I get close to paying off my credit cards, they take a turn south... fast. But, if I can just ride the Ghetto Taurus out until next summer, I might be able to buy myself enough time to get the cards paid off and buy a nice black 5-speed Maxima. We shall see.

Enough bantering for now, however. I should go get a start on my day. Before I do that, though: more Match.com quizzes! Be like me and embrace your ambition today, reader, and have a fine, fulfilling Sunday.

Today was, by far, not a bad Christmas Eve. Just slightly out of the ordinary. I won't get into too many juicy details since

• I'm pretty tired
  
• my ankle is killing me, and i should elevate the poor thing
  
• spilling all the beans ruins the suprise!
  

Of course, reader, as you know my life really is fairly uneventful, so don't hold your breath, thinking I did something crazy like go out on a date, go skydiving, or eat mushrooms. I'll fill you in later on how the gift exchanges all went, though, stuff like that.

Thing is, like the second point above states, my ankle hurts like a mad bastard. Although I like to think of myself as graceful, virtually floating on air, in reality I'm pretty damned clumsy. In a raging display of my coordination skills, I misplaced a three-step leap down the stairs this morning at work and twisted the hell out of my left ankle. Besides simply hurting like a fucker, the thing made this sickening popping noise when I landed that I'm still a little concerned about. My grandmother (who, mind you, was a nurse all her life) thinks I should get it x-rayed. But, after a day of resting and intermittently icing it with a pack of snow peas I found in the back of the freezer, it's feeling better. So we shall see about going to the hospital... *crosses fingers*

Funny, though, that I had to gimp my ankle out at work on a day when I wasn't even supposed to be there! I just went in to get my laptop and some boxes that I forgot yesterday, which I needed so I could get some other gifts wrapped. Only needed to be there for, at most, five minutes. Just call me Dante Hicks from now on. :)

Have a content and touching Christmas, reader. Nestle in tonight with a warm mug of hot chocolate, or a glass of egg nog, and slip into slumber with a smile on your face.

Did I do all that I could / that I shoulda done? - Dave Matthews - Stay or Leave

Have I done all that I could? Am I...
strong?
as good a person as people think?
Am I really that stable?
really a girls' wet dream?
Am I smart?
Am I up to the task?
Can I get the job done?

Can I do this?

Do I deserve this?

Sometimes I wonder. These are just a few of the little things I think about from time to time (aside from financial matters and girls and Funyuns and stuff).

Merry Christmas, reader. Be at peace this season, and go forward with smiles.

Grr! I couldn't sleep in today!

You have no idea how lame this is - I've been looking forward to this all week. Of course, I suppose getting up at 8:30am could be considered "sleeping in" since I usually wake up around 5:00 or 5:30 in the morning. Alas.

Since I'm up, I might as well go work out, do some laundry, and go score the remaining Christmas gifts that I need to buy. And tags, too - like the village idiot that I am, I bought some wrapping paper and scotch tape with Brianne last week and spaced buying tags. Lot of good that does... haha.

Hopefully you, reader, are still sleeping! If not, go drink some good coffee and enjoy this beautiful sunny morning.

Well, a mild Friday night is finally winding down, and it's almost time for me to nestle into my queen sleigh bed for a long night of blissful winter slumber. This evening I took in Return of the King again, this time with the lobster, which was a lot of fun. 'Tis always good kicking it with those important to you, especially when you don't get to see them all that much.

Other than that, I didn't do a whole lot, but I did on a whim decide to go meet the old man for happy hour. Mind you, this ended up being at this wonderous establishment over in Mandan called the Stage Stop. Any third-rate bar with a totem pole out in the parking lot is something I tend to avoid just out of principle. However, feeling a bit intrepid, I decided to give it a shot. Hey, can't knock trying something new, can ya?

Well, I can in this case. All in all, it wasn't a totally terrible time, but definately not the best happy hour experience I've had. Seeing my dad for awhile was awesome, but the bar was indeed "special" and certainly did not suprise me in a good way. A bit on the WT side of things, full of the folk that I think must be looking at me weird because i'm not wearing oil-stained Carhartt overalls. One of those places, also, that the sort of older-age women (40+) that apparently think i'm hot shit might likely frequent. Nor was the food terrible, but nowhere near anything I would write home about, either. All this made for a fairly anticlimactic experience, if nothing else, and put a big red X through any future plans to return - mostly because of the ladies-the-age-of-my-mom thing.

I can't be that damned enticing, can I? I've begun to realise that I must have something that some girls dig, but I'll be fucked if I know what that is. And mostly it's just gotten me into some fairly bizarre situations in the local bars here, getting hit on by these forty-year-olds. Aaaaa.... If only I knew what it was, maybe I could keep it at bay if I ever end up at someplace like the Burnt Creek Club, or the bar up at Capitol Lanes, or (god forbid) the Stage Stop or Lonesome Dove.

Chances are, though - knowing me - I won't have to even deal with that potentiality. If I'm going to go out anywhere here, it's a restaurant, the Comfort Inn lounge, or Sidelines (the old Army's Sports Bar). I really doubt I'd get into awkward situations at the first two, and the last, well, everyone is pretty laid back there anyways and a bit on the younger side (mid thirties at their oldest, for the most part). That's not so bad; it's by far less creepy, and if i need to weasel my way out of weirdness, it's not as hard.

Alas, I likely bore you with my rants, reader. I shall hit the sack now. Hope your Friday was pleasant, and have a great Saturday.

Tonight should be interesting... one of those nights where you have plans, but they fall through, so you end up having all this time on your hands, with absolutely no idea of what to do with it. I'm sorta pooped from the whole LOTR expedition, too, so I don't feel like lifting and working on increasing my insane buffness. Likely, I'll just stay in front of the box for awhile here or read or something.

Of course I could stop being a tool and give some people a call, but I'm in one of those moods where that's kinda hard to do for some reason. Been this way for the past few weeks. Perhaps its the weather or something... or the weirdness of Christmas-but-not-Christmas-cause-I'm-not-a-kid-anymore-but-a-real-life-software-engineer. I have no decorations around here, it's depressing. But maybe I don't have any because it would feel so depressing having them, all the while knowing the only reason they're up is for me, that I don't have anyone to share the moment with (at my place that is).

Alas.

But on a far lighter and brighter note, dude, LOTR fucking hauled so much ass! I'm seriously at a loss for words on this one; you just have to go see it. Being a complete and utter confirmed junkie of this about a minute into the last film (if i wasn't made one from just seeing the damned trailer in 1999, at least!), there was only one way i could think, during the last half hour of the film, to describe it: it was like i came ... for thirty minutes straight. Just absolute insanity. Just the battle sequences on their own will own you.

There's some tentative plans in the works to go check it out again tomorrow night. I can't wait! Until then, have a content evening, reader, and drop me a line or give me a buzz if you're bored. That would kick ass.

Peace.

You know what hauls major ass? That I found out today, just after lunch, that the good movie theater here is running a midnight showing of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. I am beyond stoked about this; the movie series is stunning, and I can't wait to see it end. It'll be weird since I've been looking forward to it for about four years now, but life always has a way of giving one plenty more things to look forward to, and lots more things to get excited about.

New things always spring up, capture one's fancy, and lead you through life on a tether of golden thread so light you barely even notice it.

But you see it; deep down you see it, and it's exciting.

Alas, the movie is freakishly long at almost four hours (but who cares? More LOTR, the merrier, i say) so I won't wander out of the Grand until close to 4am. So what to do? Sleep? Hell no, i'd never get up in time. Instead, i'll go to work.

what??

Yeah, work, at four in the morning. Insanity. But hey, i'll actually get some stuff done since it'll be nice and quiet, and then i can head home around 1:30 or 2 and nap. Naps are wonderful, besides, and I hardly ever get to take them unless it's the weekend, so tomorrow should be badass. For now, though, until it's time to go line up again to see this masterpiece, I best turn my persuits away from writing for my own pleasure (and yours too, dear reader, of course!) and to more important matters - like my 6th-month performance review for work. I have a set of questions to fill out, and i need to spend about half an hour on those tonight before I head to the theater. Bah... but if it could mean a raise, that hauls.

Stay safe and content tonight, reader, and if you get a chance, take a moment and dream of the upcoming summer - the thunderstorms, the slow, fragrant rain, the feel of that special someone in your arms... let it bring a smile to your face. Cause it's a good smile, and it might just bring a little warmth to these cold winter nights.

Ahh... today was nice.

Other than the fact that winter totally blows and i had to shovel my driveway and sidewalk at the unholy hour of 7:00am, all was well. Work moved swiftly and I got quite a lot done, and I finally got my headboard replaced on my bed. I've been waiting, well, since about June to get a replacement and the furniture guys brought it over lunch.

Of course, this new one is messed up, too, but I'm just sick of messing with it. The last one was worse, however (one side of the headboard threatened to pull away entirely, causing - if nothing else - horrendous structural stability issues). Unlike the last headboard, the one they brought today just looks like someone at the factory failed to take Introduction to Principles of Wood Glue, or something. One peice isn't glued the best, and it looks cracked actually, but isn't. Whatever... it's still under warranty, so if it gets worse I'll just see about getting another replacement.

Besides fighting snow and sub-par furniture, though, the rest of the day went well. This evening was really relaxing, and I'm just overall content. It really looks to be, for once, a good start to the week. Perhaps it's in part due to this past weekend, also. July Lucille came back, so I spent time hanging with her and Brianne and Katie. My old friend Steph and I hung out too on Friday night, which was a blast - watching movies and catching up on old times is always fun.

I'm also really digging the new cell phone. Evenings and weekends are far cooler now since I have unlimited minutes and free long distance. So, in addition to socializing, i spent some good time keeping in touch with Funkmaster Pink, the Toaster, General Assdick, and Steve. And I talked to the lobster last night too, which was awesome. All in all, a much-needed string of pleasant days.

Hopefully things are pleasant in your world, too, reader. Dream sweetly tonight.

Hola!

Today has been quite a bit better than the last, and I'm infinitely thankful for that. Chilling with Brianne rocked tonight, and stuff at work progressed at a fair clip. But, it was still laid-back enough to give me that warm-and-fuzzy feeling of "yay, it's almost Friday!" instead of the darker, more insidious "holy christ, this blows, thank god tomorrow is happy hour..." type of feeling.

Perhaps that was a little vague, but maybe you get the drift.

Thing is, it's been a little odd adjusting to this whole adult thing. Those of you that are down with the Goat are pretty well aware that i'm pretty level and mature and what have you, that most people think I'm at least 26 when they meet me. Alas, i'm not... I suppose in a lot of ways I do seem older than the average dude my age, but that doesn't make the task of going from a college lifestyle to the 9-5, Monday through Friday office lifestyle any easier. It's a royal pain in the ass getting out of bed at 6:30am, even when I do set the alarm for something like 5:25am cause i'm pathetically lazy and just love to hit snooze about eight million times before I actually get up.

And it's weird adjusting to the "happy hour" aspect. One tends to get in this mindset where Mondays are the unholiest of unholies and Fridays are about the best thing in the world (aside from Saturday mornings). It just so happens that cheap drinks and free food go hand in hand with Friday afternoons, too. By association one starts off particularly shitty monday mornings longing for Friday at 4, when i can sit down in the lounge with my $1.50 margarita and some buffalo wings or nachos or chicken strips or something and forget about the crappiness of the week for a bit. Well, for about an hour and a half, i guess, because i usually get bored and head home after that.

I'm definately not 40, and i'm trying like a bastard not to grow up any faster than i already have. This means, amongst other things, keeping my life diverse enough so happy hour doesn't become one of my few driving forces during the work week.

All in all, i think i'm pulling it off, too. I've been writing a bit more lately, and totally keeping up with reading, so I'm stoked about that. Nor do i do the happy hour thing every week; i've missed a few here and there, and in fact i'll be missing one tomorrow. We're having the company Christmas social at six, effectively fucking me out of going anywhere for drinks. That's beyond okay, though, given my cold (drinking whilst sick is just bad, my immune system usually gets thrown way out of whack) and the fact we're getting free Walrus food, too.

Free food from The Walrus ain't something you just turn down... :)

So i figure i'll go and make an appearance tomorrow night, score the free eats, and make a graceful exit. Probably won't stay too long since i have a funny hunch it'll be plenty weird hanging around a bunch of 40-year-old engineers and their wives, but i'll see. If there's anything that'll make you feel more single and out of place, though, it's that, dude.

That's it for now, i guess. Time for some beauty rest. Dream sweetly this calm and cloudy night, reader.

Boredom reigns supreme this week, but my apathy level is pretty fucking close. I just have no motivation to do anything. Yet i'm not depressed enough to sleep the evenings away, so what the fuck... Too bad its not warm and like light out and stuff, i'd so go for a bike ride.

These past few days have been quite the little ride, but i'll spare you the specifics. Today was pretty kick-ass though since i got some more crap done at work, and also found out the ArcSDE problem i've been fighting since Friday is actually a potentially-undiscovered bug. It blows that i spent all that time on it, without knowing of its bug-ness, but at least i know now i'm not a raging dumbass and it wasn't my fault the thing didn't work.

Tonight the chi threatened to get knocked off kilter again, though, for a few other reasons i'll not necessarily delve into (but that i can say with some openness has to do with the mother). We shall see what comes of this. For some reason, though, the stabilty that has been fairly constant in my life seems to have been eroding away this year, moreso after August and september, and i'm trying to hold on with a deathgrip to what i've got. I could really use to forego any familial weirdness for awhile, and i inwardly hope it all just sort of goes away.

On the lighter side of life, though, i looked at couches tonight. The one i have is pretty ghetto (i scored in in MSP last summer from a dude i worked with for $25, and it certainly served the purpose and is pretty comfy, but... yeah) so i'd like to see if i can't score a new one. I, for the most part, have a pretty big thing against leather (the swass one gets) but i did get to sit in this absolutely gorgeous down filled leather sofa that would just look beyond rad in my place. At $1799 though, it's a little bit out of my league. If i could find something for like $500-$700 though, I might be more open to it. I found one that could maybe work for $698, but it's microfiber, and the jury is still out on that one. Feels too much like funky fake suede or some shit. But it looks nice and is high enough so my ass doesn't sit a foot below my knees. Being tall sometimes kinda sucks.

I suppose that's it for now... nothing else too remarkable going on in my life, so perhaps i'll go watch some TV or read. Hope you're making the most out of your day, reader, and staying warm on this bitter night. Have a good one.

Ah, another Monday... :)

Today was just like most other Mondays - nothing too special. I did somehow make it to work at 7:20am today, however, so that was a bit exceptional. Most mondays i don't make it in till 8 or sometime after that, cause i'm so shot from the weekend. Alas, i didn't get a whole lot of sleep this weekend either, like the usual, so i dunno how the hell i got my ass out of bed this morning.

Somehow i did, though, and made it to work, and got some shit done. Not lots, though. I'm at a bit of a point where i could pick from probably eigth different things to do, and i need to talk to my project manager a little more and see what i should tackle next. Conveniently, he was out today, so i just busied myself with a few other little things. All in all a pretty relaxing day.

Had lunch at Camly's with my uncles and cousin, too, so that was pretty badass. I guess they have a lunch buffet there, which i wasn't aware of. Such tasty delights as curry chicken w/ coconut milk, garlic green beans, egg rolls (that are to die for, btw), these little vegetarian fried dumpling things... damn dude, good shit. And after work i scored some leftover chicken noodle soup from my grandma, so i'd have to say all in all, besides being relaxing, today has also scored pretty high as far as chow is concerned.

Now i get to settle in for a night of corporate reading. Joy! I've an article to hit concerning the complex nature of software systems - and how, if we don't rethink some shit, we're fucked even more as time progresses - and a book on some management styles or something. I have to read a good 45 pages before the 17th, when I have a group meeting to discuss it. Double joy. But it looks like it shouldn't be too bad; a quick read and a welcome refresher to reading constantly about stuff like ADO.NET and ArcSDE.

Have a stellar evening, folks, and keep warm and toasty.

all i want for Christmas is... to go to a fucking Deftones show

So yeah, other than dreaming of mosh-pitting and such all day today, i didn't do anything terribly exciting yet. Spent the day at work fighting ArcSDE, as ye can see from the post below (i was somewhat victorious, but of course i can't be completely... so more fun on Monday), and ran off to happy hour with the old man and his friend Cindy. This was at Space Aliens, so i got to have my usual tall Killian's and a cajun quesadilla. And, to boot, i saw nick the drummer there; i was suprised, but he didn't recognise me, so that was bunk.

Then i went over to my grandma's place and had dinner there with the relatives and stuff, since my uncle is back this weekend from California. All in all it was a good time, being able to see him and one of my cousins, too, whom i never usually run into.

So we'll see what tonight holds. A good relaxing one is certainly in order, i reckon, so PlotMaker might be pushed off until sometime tomorrow morning. Now, though, is couch time. No more computer for the night! Have a peaceful evening.

If anyone knows how in the hell ArcSDE generates OBJECTIDs (or ROW_IDs, if you wish) on SQL Server 2000, hook me up. I created a table through sql server itself with an OBJECTID column and made sure whilst building the table that all the values were unique. Problem is, the column ain't an Autonumber column, since evidently sde doesn't use those. How's sde to understand what the next key value should be?? you've got me... the fucker keeps wanting to choose shit like 22, 23, 24 for the values even though i have 130 records in there already (so OBJECTID ranges from 1..130). You'd think the next value should be 131, but nooo, it chooses 23, of course causing all hell to break loose when you try to do an update on the table.

grr!

there's some stored procs it looks like that do this under sql server 2000, for these iXXX tables, where XXX denotes each table's registrationID. but these procs are buffaloing me a bit... so wtf.

Any SDE gurus out there? :)

check it out, i wrote again, finally!
------------------------------------------

Lightsetting

11/30/03

This comfortable, cozy day will end
as the rest, slipping away;
just as the light falls into the earth
the memories will be written
in wisps of fading dreams

hopes cast aside in a parting smile
the fickle touch
desires drawn down in the silence
the turn of the dusty eye

understand, the moon will rise
with stars obscured – in the darkness,
a soothing caress on the hearts
of those with only gossamer threads
of love

but the moon sets, leaving us always
with nothing but faint whispers
echoing from the morning star

Results of the Single Test at http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/single.html:

Am I destined to be single? - Score: 70/100

It's not a shock that you're still single. While you're surely a perfectly wonderful human being, you aren't putting yourself in situations where potential partners can discover your natural charm and magnetism! You're just not helping yourself find a date; you may turn down great opportunities to get to know people out of sheer laziness, set unreasonable standards for dating material, or behave in ways that do not signal "available". Perhaps you are an extremely independent person or you just don't really care if you manage to snag a compatible partner. If dating is just fun and games for you and you don't give a fig that you're single, there's nothing wrong with your casual dating behavior. If you are looking for love, however, it wouldn't hurt to start putting in more of an effort. Let your friends set you up, take some classes where you can meet other singles, and give people a chance before you decide they're not the one for you. As long as you don't cross that fine line between friendliness and desperation, you'll be boosting your chances of making a love connection!

Son of a bitch, I knew I was a sack monkey, but the last thing i need is a test at Queendom to tell me this! Alas. :)

Ahh... Thanksgiving.

I'll just start this off and say, goddamn, i ate too much turkey. Inwardly I wonder how many people are thinking the same thing right now across the land... and, yay, I'm one of 'em. I first ran off to my aunt's place around noon for a pot-luck style dinner there, and then went to my dad and stepmom's place for dinner around 3:30. My stepbrother, his wife, and little ones came up from South Dakota, too, so that was rad to see them. By the time i finished there i was seriously ready to hurl, though. Damned near did, actually, which makes for a pretty bogus thanksgiving experience.

And, to boot, this cold that has been threatening to kick my ass for the past few days now finally is. Since Sunday or Monday i've had a stuffy nose and shit, surefire signs something is up, but nothing really came of it till yesterday when my throat started getting a little sore. That's how it usually starts for goats: sore throat, then coughing, then usually the clinic since i can't ever shake the damned things. This morning i could barely swallow, and if nothing else it seems worse now. Sore throats drive me completely batty, so i've been somewhat cranky the past few days too.

Bah... winter is lame.

But life lately has been turning for the better this past week. Last weekend, Steve and The Princess came back to Bismarck; we went to Sidelines and hung at her place and generally had a pretty fun time. And some badass ribs that her mom made, so that kicked ass. Then Tuesday here, both the Lobster and "Funkmastre the Pink" came back from Fargo. It, too, has been wonderful seeing both of them and feeling a little more complete, or just plain me because of it. We've all hung out and chatted and stuff, and the lobster and i made some banana bread yesterday, and that's about it, but i wouldn't trade times like that - good times with good people - for anything.

I guess that's it for now - i planned on writing some crazy huge post action, but i just ran out of gas. Perhaps it's the mass amount of food i ate today, hehe. Have a wonderful turkey-induced lazy Thursday night, reader, and remember that when things seem the darkest, when it seems like noone understands, when it seems like you'll never see the summer sun, remember this: it always gets better.

Always.

Song of the Day - Coldplay - Green Eyes

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes
Yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind

Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Since I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Honey you are the rock
Upon which I stand

oh! i got my hair cut the other night so that kicks ass. perhaps the "vehicle of destruction" will get its oil swapped out tomorrow, if it's lucky, and it behaves. Damned thing...

Btw, my TOCControl's .Buddy property was null cause i'm a tard. Thing is, the primary class for the MapControl (the ultimate Type of the Buddy control) is AxMapControl, which is in ERSI.ArcGIS.MapControl i think. But... the hook wrapper class i designed to be used in the ICommand.OnCreate() method was looking for an IMapControl2. Bunk!

But why is that bunk? Cause the fucking IMapControl2 interface isn't even implemented by AxMapControl! Grr!

so if you go

(ICommand)myPlugin.OnCreate(this.axMapControl1);

the the conditional in OnCreate like

public void OnCreate(object hook)
{
if (hook is IMapControl2)
{
//do shit
}
}

won't get entered. In other words, we won't do shit. Lame! But, if we call the OnCreate method like:

(ICommand)myPlugin.OnCreate(this.axMapControl1.Object)

all works well. Evidently the Object property returns some instance of the coclass. wtf. I also hear through the grapevine that the Ocx property of axMapControl1 will return a valid concrete class instance that implements IMapControl2.

Why split up the namespaces though? Just to facilitate the design-time ocx control? But why not lump the coclass and the interfaces and the events into one master namespace? who knows, i'm sure esri has their reasons. just makes it fun when one spends two or three hours discovering said little idiosyncracy. Alas. I'm done ranting now - i'll go read my book and leave you guys alone. :)

peace out, faithful g's of progress!

Respect the Pixies, cause their music will rock your world. And Ministry, too.

Jesus was an architect, previous to his career as a prophet...

Needless to say, i'm pretty ripped up right now. Two margs at the Comfort Inn lounge will do that nicely, at a staggering price of $3.00 total. boo ya!

Perhaps i'll go read some Dark Tower now. What else to do? Enjoy your Friday evening, folken.

Theme of Late - Fucked into Always Seeing Both Sides of Everything

it sucks, man.

So does the fact that my TOCControl's .Buddy property is null. WTF?! It's set at design time dammit. Silly ArcObjects!

Oh... "Week of Madness" update: Dentist bill down, oil change and hair cut to go. Might whack both of those tomorrow, but we'll just see...

Yay for being busy! bah...

Sometimes I just think the world would be a better place if I could go mosh-pitting more often. Like when I did at Disturbed in Minneapolis with Cj and Erin, that was fun.

Song of the Lunch Hour - Loreena McKennitt - Dante's Prayer

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me


... just cause it's one of my favorite songs.

I've been busy! While this is kinda cool, since it leaves me less time to dwell on things ('tis a silly enterprise), it does leave me with far less time to see people and read The Dark Tower V - Wolves of the Calla. Which i must say is turning out to be pretty badass, a 1/4 or 1/3rd of the way through. Of course, i'm a tower junkie, so it wouldn't take much to excite me.

Tonight i went to dinner with cody out to his grandma's place, and fixed her printer drivers under Win98. ... and spent the better part of my day at work bashing my head in, trying to debug this fucking code using a beta object model, that in some ways, is pretty damned stupid. But i'll stay off my soapbox for now, simply cause i don't have the time to climb up on the thing and bitch for ten minutes.

The next few days will be just as insane, i'm sure, since not only do i get to keep playing with ArcObjects 9.0 beta 2 at work, i get to keep writing user docs for the NDSU contract project. So... little Goat time, sadly. Perhaps by monday or tuesday or something next week i can take a breather, and get other shit done, like my hair cut, oil changed in the Vehicle of Destruction (the taurus), and errands like the dentist bill and stuff. Joy.

Well, that's about it for now - i should turn in soon.. Tomorrow's likely going to be a long day. Sweet dreams, homes, and don't stop looking forward.

Word. I guess right now i'm feeling a trife introspective, so I may as well write a little.

There's really no reason why i'm feeling introspective right now, i suppose... to allay any concerns that something has caused or is causing said feelings. For some reason though, perhaps the weather, the coming winter, I find myself lamenting once again on relationships and what they mean to me. Mind you, this isn't the general "dammit, being single blows" feeling but one of "whoa, i'm not cut out for this stuff" sort of feeling.

Today I hung out with the Lobster and DL for the better part of the day, and all in all it was pretty fun. We saw the last Matrix film and had dinner at her place and saw her grandparents. Thing is, I got a good dose of what a long-term relationship is like - how each other acts, all that. I don't have opinions on how they were acting, but what it did do was show me the normal way a dude acts in a long-term relationship. And, whoa. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, but it's just not me.

Like falling in with your girl's family, all that - seeming like you're a part of it. I'm damned reserved, and that would be something totally weird for me to do. It's things like that which make me wonder if i'm even cut out to date in the first place. Some people aren't wired for it, and maybe i turned out to be one of those people. I very much don't want to be one of those guys - the weird bastards who end up living by themselves all their life, with a cat or a dog or plants or some shit to keep them company. Now, being out of school, every day that goes by seems to push me further towards that.

I know i shouldn't really care - everyone claims that i should just say fuck it, and that i'll meet someone eventually. Someone that isn't a bitch and that is smart and worldly and deep and cool and that'll fucking bring me lasagna, man. Someone that doesn't turn the radio station when the Floyd comes on. Someone that doesn't wear a bunch of makeup to dole themselves up, who can be beautiful just as they are, and confident that they are. Someone that understands the why i value living in a place with stairs, likes abstract art and enjoys staying healthy. And it seems like everyone claims i'm a decent catch - that I myself am cool and easygoing and stable. Thing is, sadly, nice guys finish last. I'm too nice; i'm not dramatic enough. I'd bore the fuck out of most girls my age. They're not looking for stability, or a little bit of sanity - they're looking for someone fun. I'm in a bit of a pickle, here. So as the days go by, like i said, it keeps seeming like i'm totally screwed, that i'll end up the dude that lives out in the country and rods the shit out of his Z4 day in and day out, plays a lot of Rush on the stereo and has a beer or two once in awhile, but that has no wife and kids, doesn't hunt, and sure as fuck does not vote for conservatives. I'll still be wearing my Dave Matthews Band concert shirts, and be seeing them in concert, to boot. In other words, i'll be one eccentric Goat.

And, all in all, that's okay. I'd not have it any other way, since that would be, mostly, the life i'd want to live. But it's a life that makes for incredibly lonely nights, and it's no fun seeing beautiful things like foggy sunrises or prairie thunderstorms without that special girl at your side. There are those deeply important things in life i'd like to share - if not just life itself. Why hog it all?

But i seem to be cursed, and it blows - it seems like damn near everyone else but me can pull off the whole relationship thing, from start to finish. I guess where i fail most gracefully is meeting people - i'm about as smooth as a plane crash. Once i meet someone, and we click, shit can take off from there, but even that seems to inevitably pooch. After weeks or a few months it just falls. I've always chalked that up to simply not meeting the right person, but who knows? Maybe i'm just not cut out for it. Or else i just don't take that much shit, and i bail too soon. I don't like negative tension of any sort, and if the relationship is brining me down i just give it the boot. Why else be in one if you're not happy? My late friend Jim ("Ford Prefect") used to say, well man, how sweet is the apple? As in, how much shit are you willing to put up with for the good? And the unfortunate truth is that i just haven't found enough good yet that would make me want to put up with all the crap, once in a bona-fide relationshuip, that is.

And it seems like i might not ever be able to find that "good". Pink made a good point the other weekend that most of the relationships i've been exposed to are kinda whack, and i of course seem to only hear the bad shit that goes on. I've never really thought about it, but i think that's worked to give me a skewed impression of what relationships are, coupled with my own crappy experiences. How can I be expected to try and try and try and wait and wait and wait when all i see around me is negative?

Perhaps I should just try and look only at the positives. Maybe that's the ticket. Have any ideas?

I suppose that's about it for now. I should concentrate a bit more on my obligations to our contract project with NDSU, which this weekend means writing user documentation. Alas. Have yourself a wonderful night, reader, and dream pleasant dreams.

war.. fuck the system! fuck the system!

Yay for System of a Down! :)

Oh! Tomorrow Dark Tower V comes out!! So i can go score my copy at Waldenbooks. Thanks to the Toaster reminding me that I reserved one there a long time ago. And, as an added bonus, I finally heard back from DM Grant that the Artist's Edition that I ordered (signed by artist Bernie Wrightson, limited 3500 copy 1st edition with Smyth sewn binding, oooohhh yeah) is still being held cause my card was denied. I reckon that i gave them one that i cancelled awhile back or some shit, so i should be scoring that as well. Damn fucking straight!

The Dark Tower just kicks all sorts of ass.

Song o' the day: Incubus - Wish You Were Here

Well, this evening turned out to be pretty relaxing. It would have been nonetheless had Katie and I gone on a walk as planned, but the weather is a bit shitty out thar... so we just decided to stay in. Hence this post (what else is there to do around here?).

Bismarck probably got something like three inches of snow so far, or two, or some shit. Either way, the roads are pretty crappy, so i had a little adventure after work tonight trekking around and getting food from my grandma, my aunt, and the old man. But i fucking scored big, too, getting some homemade bean soup, some chicken, a bit of pork loin, some meat loaf, a good lot of german streudels (mmm) and some frozen chicken patties, which should be ever so tasty with some onion bagels i have. thankfully I'll be around here for a few weeks, meaning i can actually eat the food i keep in the fridge. Half the time i get too much and it spoils cause I only eat one meal a day here. Breakfast at work, lunch at Subway or BK or the Bell, then dinner here. Alas.

I think i'll cut this one short here since i'm not feeling terribly introspective. Until next time...

Song of the day: GWAR - Sex Cow

I felt a bit compelled a little bit ago whilst in the shower to post a quick entry, since it seems like it's been awhile. Alas, this past week has been pretty busy. I was in Rapid City for work for a few days, which ended up going pretty well i think... and then i went to Fargo for the Halloween weekend. All in all the experience was good; we partied and i got to see those people (other than family) that are the most important to me. Can't really knock that, can I?

It's all been a trife chaotic though, given my travels and the tension the group is experiencing right now. I could use a few relaxing days here; just a few easy nights to settle back into my simple yet cozy duplex and my normal, rather plain life.

There's a lot more i could write about, i think, but i have quite a bit of crap to do tonight yet. Take peace in the fact that nothing is new, that no new bombs have been dropped... but there's still shit i could get on the soapbox about, mostly concerning this constant nagging issue of my shitty self-esteem. It's honestly never been a big issue since i was a little dude, and it really isn't now, but since it's been the topic of some discussion over the past few weeks it comes to the surface. However, that's best left to another time. My duplex looks like a small hurricane blew through it, and, sadly, duty calls.

Have a content rest of the night, reader, and try not to brush past and ignore the tiny wonders, like a crisp winter sunset, when the better part of all chi seems so absolutely off-kilter.

Song of the day: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Room at the Top

Today is starting out as quite a gray and blah wonder that I didn't much expect from this weekend. In the back of my head, of course, i wasn't holding too many high expectations for this weekend, but generally nature is nicer to me and provides me blissfully sunny Saturday mornings, perfect for getting out and mountain biking. Alas, it's gray and cold and slightly damp outdoors.

But life ain't so bad, when you think about it. Even though it might be cold and gray and clammy and icky, my house is still warm. I can fire up the candles, put on some GWAR, cover myself in strawberry syrup and prance around naked, and noone cares. Or i can just put in a movie, generally give a great big california salute to the world, and lose myself for a few hours. It may be a boring and basically simple existence, but it sure beats homework. It's not all that bad.

Anyhoo, today at least, i'll be chilling with my mom and grandma and shit, so that should be cool. Other than that, who knows... there aren't really any plans. I don't feel like drinking tonight cause I doubt anyone will be around (and drinking by onesself is just fucking lame, it's a real downer) so, you never know. Maybe i'll just watch a flick... or try to get caught up on Keruac's On the Road. 'Tis a strange book, in that, parts of it seem very cool, very profound, very, like, wow, man, wow. But a bigger hunk of it doesn't seem to go anywhere; it comes across as very anticlimatic. It all serves to make a book that i do enjoy, but can actually put down. For extended periods of time. Perhaps i'll tackle the beast again later, however. Regardless, all shit screeches to a halt on November 4, because that's when Dark Tower 5 - Wolves of the Calla is released. Those readers who are privy to the knowledge of my dark-tower-junkiness will know the importance of such an event.

Don't expect to hear from me for a few months when that fucker comes out ... it's been a long time coming.

Well, i best be off. To do what? Who the hell knows, but just get away from the devil machine here and take advantage of having some computer-free time. Enjoy your day, reader - do something pleasant.

Song of the day: Radiohead - Gagging Order

I know what you're thinking
But I'm not your property
No matter what you say
No matter what you say

Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see

A couple more for breakfast
A little more for tea
Just to take the edge off
Just to take the edge off

Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, pouring down the street

Move along, theres nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see

Move along

dude... lame. I just realised how many times i use the word ass when i write, and, well, that sucks ass. It does not, by any means, kick ass.

I so need an expanded vocabulary!

Today's song: Coldplay - The Scientist

Wow.. been over a month since i last made a "real" post. As i read once in a journal i found in the state historical society archives, though, one tends not to write precisely during those times in life when there's so much to document. When things die down and become simple and plain, though, then one writes.

How much could I even begin to write about the shit that's transpired over the past month? Is it even worth getting on my soapbox about? Doubtful. Most of the folks who read this, perhaps even you, reader, are privy to the details... but i'll spare them from the casual observer. No use in beating a dead horse. Let's just say that i'm in a prime position to slip back into my world of relative obscurity as your friendly neighborhood GIS software development monkey.

It's often a comfortable, pleasant world here, none too exciting, but not too bad either. Pretty stable, i dare say, most of the time. But as i sort of realised this past weekend, if i had to declare myself a certain climate as an expression of my inner works, i'd say i'm that of a desert locale, say around the town of Phoenix, Arizona. I'm pretty consistant - dry heat of the days with a nice variance of chilly, crisp nights. But when it rains it pours - Southwestern-cloudburst style. Thankfully that happens rarely, maybe once or twice a year at best. Alas.

Tonight's song: Counting Crows - Raining in Baltimore

So it's off to the shower for the Goat, then to reading some fun and exciting stuff in the Harvard Business Review (oh yeeeah), and then to bed. Do sleep well tonight, dream visions of contentment, and hold onto these last warm days. There's cold times ahead.

potato salad!

Welcome to another installment in my vanilla-flavoured life. Today's been a fucking downer, i dunno why, it's just been crappy. Most likely cause i couldn't drag my ass outdoors - i was really kinda chilly and thus didn't care to go outdoors and still be cold - but who knows. Could have very well been a combination of some things.

Like just this past weekend in general. Toaster and I, along with General Assdick, ended up talking quite a bit about my current relationship status (quite single). I guess Funkmaster Pink and I did chat about it too, when i was in fargo for the Cake expedition on Thursday/Friday, but we talked about all sorts of other shit too ... which was rad. Anyhoo, chatting with those three dudes about the rather complex and baffling situation i'm in regarding girls brought a lot of shit back to the surface that hasn't been there for a long time. You don't talk about things, and you usually don't think about them. Start discussing things though, and they all come back.

Mostly it just centered around the deal that for one, in lots of ways, I still don't want a relationship. There seems to be too much negative shit that occurs in them; why deal with that? But too, if i meet the right girl, shouldn't the positives outweigh those bad times? I suppose so - why else would anyone want to be in a relationship then? So part of me still does want a girl - i want to feel that passion again, to fall for someone, but not just anyone. I end up being too selective, making things more difficult. How am I supposed to meet new girls here, then, also, given i work at an engineering firm? It's not like i'm in college anymore, where there are all these chicks everwhere. And I don't go to bars to pick girls up - we know this. Can't much have a relationship if i don't know anyone that is available... grr.

So talking about those little issues ended up creating a lot of time where i was spent engaged in self-reflection, something that has historically negative consequences. I'm sure some of my friends can side with me that thinking too much can really blow, and I'm guilty of doing that. Oh well, fuck it, the road still goes on, and I've got almost a full tank of gas.

There were some really cool moments to the weekend though, basically just hanging out with brianne and the toaster and gen. Assdick and Steve and The Princess and others. A very up-and-down weekend. The days leading up to it though were awesome, taking Thursday and Friday off for the aforementioned Cake Expedition. On the 11th here, pink's lady friend, July Lucille, as we shall call her, and the General and Steve and the Princess all went to minneapolis to see Cake and other fun bands at the First Ave. Specifically, those bands were the Detroit Cobras, The Hackensaw Boys (along with Charlie Louvin), and Cheap Trick. DC was a bit special, but the Hackensaw Boys hauled ass as per usual, and Cheap Trick was, ah... fun. I got excruciatingly dehydrated and exhausted after the show though, which was understandably lame... but it was cake, man, so you do what you gotta do. The third time seeing them was just as good as the first two.

That's about it for now.. i'm spent. Besides tired (didn't get to bed till 7am today, alas, it was a fun night, very spiritual and relaxing)... so i will be heading to bed after awhile. Hopefully your weekend, reader, was not as crazy a roller coaster as mine, and i do wish you the sweetest of dreams on this chilly pre-autumn night. Peace.

Hola. From the looks of it, it's been exactly one week since my last post. Hopefully they'll start happening more often! I just need extra motivation at night, after long days at work.

Like today, the standard, run-of-the-mill 10hr day. It was cool though since i got to make my big presentation of my first big project at work, and they seemed to groove on it - so that was tight. It's a good thing knowing that you aren't sucking ass. Then this evening i went over to the parents' place, had dinner, and visited and stuff. All in all, pretty cool. And my dad gave me some food too, like some salmon and tomatos and a green bell pepper. so that kicked ass.

Other than work, this week has been pretty normal. Brianne and I did make it to the river this past Monday, which kicked ass, but other than that, i've just been cooped up, coding on my contract project, and taking it easy. I'm ready to get out this weekend though, to just get the fuck outside, bike ride, stargaze, what-have-you. Just something that doesn't involve a machine with 7200rpm magnetic storage units.

I wish i could provide a nicer, juicier, more robust, more targeted, focused, streamlined, and cornflower-blue post, but really... nothing is going on. I'm not overly sad, nor overly happy... not in love, but not totally against the notion of it... not even randy, which is saying something. I simply feel drained, and in need of a good recharge. Alas.

So maybe i'll go burn some CDs and free up some space on the system drive. Have a peaceful yet fun rest of the night, and bong a beer for me if you break out the cold ones. :)

Ah... the river. Just got back from kicking it there with Brianne, and then chilling with her at her place. It's been a very relaxing night, and i'm just letting my hair dry before hitting the sack. Whilst getting all sorts of lovely metal music from www.hellfrost.com. There's some insane shit on there, but it would be just divine coding music. Stuff i could easily lose myself in while cranking out lines upon lines of whack vb6 code.

I looked at my project at work, counted the lines of code - right around 14,000. In two months. Holy fuck.

But yeah, the river kicked ass. I think it's been something like five years since i've actually been in the river, and it was pretty rad. Pretty damned cold at first, but i warmed up pretty quick, and had a really cool time just getting in touch with nature and the land i'll always consider home, no matter where i might end up in the future.

My hair is getting pretty dry though, so i reckon i'm gonna head to bed. I wrap the better part of my project at work up tomorrow, so I'm going to try and go in early and maybe be productive or something. Enjoy the rest of your night and dream sweet dreams, reader.

Happy post-radiohead-concert day! Hope your weekend, reader, went well. Mine kicked all sorts of ass. In a nutshell, Funkmaster Pink, Becky, The Mexican, and I went to East Troy, WI to see Radiohead. The first time for all of us.. and damn dude, it was absolutely stellar. Certainly in the Top Five list of best shows i've ever seen. Right up there with Jimmy Page & Robert Plant, Rush, Blues Traveler, and Dave Matthews Band. All i can really say at this point is ... wow. I just danced my ass off, got down with my bad self, really got in touch with the music and the flow of energy between the crowd and the band. Purely spiritual, it was something that was well-needed and did a fucking excellent job at refuelling me, so to speak. Good shows have a way of doing that. :)

Highlights: Sail You To The Moon (i actually cried a bit during this one, a first for me, your intrepid concertgoer Goat), Idioteque (i've been waiting a long time to see this one live and just go nuts dancing), Myxamatosis (wasn't expecting it, and it's just so fucking chunky, it tore the roof off the place, and Fake Plastic Trees (cause it just hauls ass). The whole show was beyond expectation, but those songs there capped it all.

Oh, and Street Spirit too. And Lucky. And Sit down stand up, etc etc etc. damn

I should hit the sack here but i'll be sure to write more in the next few days, aboot the trip. Sleep well, reader - i know i will.

Hello, reader.

This weekend was fun but a little peculiar. I went to WE FEST, and had quite a bit of fun, but it was also off-kilter a bit. In some ways it ended up making me feel really alone and outcast. Odd, but that's how I felt for the better part of it, kinda. Plus i was sick too, off and on, which was pretty bunkass. Perchance due to heat stroke, or exhaustion, i ended up having a queasy stomach for pretty much the whole weekend. Did i hurl, you ask? Naw... but i probably could have if i willed myself to it. Then everyone was like, DRINK! MORE BEER! and i'm just like, aaaaahhh, i need more WATER... alas.

I'll be heading to bed here directly, as i'm very tired. Didn't get much sleep last night. Grr. And i get to work tomorrow morning, too. yech

But have a good one, and hopefully you had a fun weekend, without the stomach issues. Sleep well.

Hola!

Whew... got done with the plotmaker enhancements tonight. Not like it was that intrepid a task, but... coupled with work it began to bite the ass a little. It'll be nice to relax a bit this weekend out at WE FEST.

Yes, WE FEST.

Something i thought i'd never go to! Why? Well, it's country of course. But what the fuck, i figure i'll try something new, go get in touch with my WT self and get tuned with my friends, see an occasional hottie or two perhaps, and get out of town. Gotta respect trying new things... as long as it's not butt sex.

I would write more, i suppose, but i'm pretty shot and honestly don't want much to do with the computer right now. I think i'll go read and then get ready for tomorrow's trek eastward. Have a joyful weekend, reader, and stay happy. There's lots in life to live for, lots to enjoy - even if it's not right here, right now, right in front of your eyes.

Someday.

Whoo, it's been forever since i've written. I guess i've been pretty busy, so that's to be expected. Work has been pretty wild - the deadline for my code is fast approaching, and there's a good bit left to do. It's a rare day when i don't finish something on time (aside from PlotMaker...) though, so i'm sure I'll do okay.

I'd write more, but i'm pooped. Brianne and cody and i rode bike last night and i was kinda tired afterwards, plus slept like shit, so might hit the sack pretty quick here. I did however write a new poem, so here 'tis. Have a fine rest of the week.

-----------------------------------------------

The Here and Now

8/6/03

Ceaselessly I travel, enduring, moving place to place
Between lands metaphorically dead
To those quite dead in the literal
Transplanted alone in places new

Alone, like a conquistador, lost, parched, and forgetful
Forgetful of the homeland and the sweet grassy hills
Ceaselessly seeking my own Cibola,
But always finding just a land of small beauty –

A tiny flower the color of sunset
Rolling along the black paved smoothness of the café parking lot
Blown with the forgotten desert dust
Blown across the forgotten land

Clouds come and it rains, and like a rapidly fading blaze I remember
I remember with my withered Spanish soldier’s brain
The smell of the homeland, the calm of the sunset,
The way I loved to look in her eyes –

And I glance down, shielding my own eyes
(for the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, and I am most certainly that)
And stare at the dust and rock, the dead land

The rain chilling me, I retire for the night,
Thoughtless and without dreams,
The lands of greater beauty forgotten

New post... new POEM!

Have a fine weekend, folks.

-------------------------------

56CT9JT

7/19/03

Paddles slap the water in a lullaby rhythm,
Indifferent waves roll the craft side to side,
My old craft a stunted pendulum
Marking off the passing time
In an exact antiseptic fashion –

My own metronome, pushing me towards the last days –

I soon grow weary of this.

Listen with open ears, an open heart
To the tunnel that never ends
The endless echo in the dark of night, the dark of life

It’s like tossing a pebble in the air
And losing it in the sea –
Like watching a dying sunset –
When alone in the world
Like killing existance and not breaking a sweat

Sometimes I scream, scream until I spit blood
But the echo never changes, never stops

I slash myself and seal the outside doors
But the light never comes;
No light in the tunnel, no sound of life

Just an endless droning echo,
Vanilla-flavoured and smooth as the spring wind

Word up. I haven't been doing much of anything noteworthy lately, but I thought I'd write for a little while just for the hell of it.

Last night I finally partied for once. The Lobster, Toaster, The Chanimal, Pink's brother, and Brianne came over. I probably got the most tuned out of the lot, which is per the usual case, but I had a decent time. In a way it kinda bit, since I was unusually crabby for a good lot of the night, but I got over that once I started drinking. I went to see my mom last night, and it didn't pan out quite how I had expected it to. Of course, events have a way of never really working out the way one wishes them to.

Like when you hope that your friends will call if you decide to take a hiatus from calling them. Just in an effort to see, sort of, who still wants to hang out and stuff. I can write Pink's brother off since he simply doesn't call anyone, but other than that, well... the Toaster and Brianne did call a few times. But that was about it. Alas. Feeling sufficiently enlightened in my newfound knowlege, i decided to say "fuck all" and just invite people over again last night. As i said earlier, it was fun, but weird too. I kept thinking to myself, yeah, ya'll are having fun and all, and sit and piss and moan about never doing anything the rest of the time, so what the shit, just fucking call for once. Grr.

Sorry, i've just been in a rather pissy state for the past few days.

Time to hit the shower, i reckon, and then go make a trip to I. Keating Furniture World in persuit of a kitchen table. My grandmother gave me one today (she herself gets a new one delivered tomorrow), but it's just a little too big for my dining room. so... that will eventually end up in the fabled "man pit" downstairs. And, to boot, I only have two chairs for this table, slightly 70s at that. The plan, then, is come pay-day next week, I might go and buy some chairs, and the following month, go score the table to match them. I remember seeing a few I liked; i'll see if they still remain and how much they'll cost. I'd also like to scope out the prices on sectional sofas, since mine is a trife "special" and I'd like more seating in my place.

Like it really matters much though, considering about half my crew here will be leaving for school in August. So, just me, Pink's brother, Locken, and Brianne. The sectional can probably wait.

Have a wonderful Sunday, reader, and make the most of the rest of your weekend.

Eh, what the fuck. I'm jamming to the Replacements now, and they got me thinking ... yeah, i'd like beer for breakfast, too. And then it occurred to me: what else am I going to do right now, besides write some more in the blog? Download more pr0n? Nah, it gets old.

On the other hand, it's been forever since i've written in here. Why? Not too sure, to be honest. I have been hanging with friends quite a bit lately, so I suppose I haven't had a huge load of time to set aside for more bloggish persuits. And then there's that thing called work, you know, where I code for about 9 or 9.5 hrs a day. I like being creative, and the people i work with are rad, but it tends to make one tired during the evenings. Harry Potter has kept me company during those moments, unlike the blog.

Perhaps I'll start tending to this more often now, especially since the system appears upgraded and has in fact not lost my posts from April. This is a good thing.

But you may ask, what have I been doing other than work and socialising for the past three weeks? Not a whole hell of a lot. I've cleaned my place a little, here and there (course, with just me here, it takes awhile to get grungy), and as mentioned before, caught up on reading. Even though i've been chilling with my crew a lot, I haven't gotten properly shitfaced in what seems like a good while. I had planned on it two weekends ago, but an old friend of mine - let's just call him Ford Prefect - passed away. Needless to say, the plans for a night on the town flew out the window. There were more urgent, important matters.

Since then, I really haven't drank at all. I've had a few here and there, i guess, but i haven't gotten rip-roaring, balls-to-the-wall hammered. Alas. I thought there would be a chance this weekend, but Funkmaster Pink can't make it down, so our plans for a special sort of gathering went down the tubes. Now it sounds like the Toaster doesn't want to really do anything... so i'm sure i'll end up sitting here, like normal. Bah.

I seem to have done a lot of that this past week, at least - a lot of jack and shit. It sucks, but the way i look at it is this: for pretty much ever since i've been here, like the past month, i've been seeing people all the time. I could use some time to recharge. Plus, a lot of the time, i'm the one that does the calling, ringing people to come over and such. Since friendly relationships are indeed a two way street, and call for a good level of balance, I figured I'd just let them call me this week if they want to hang out.

Noone really called. For some reason this struck me as no big suprise.

Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.

Not much new at all... so much of life right now is the same old thing, it's a bit odd. I'm not too sure what to make of this.

Just thought i'd pop on here though and let you, reader, know all is (for the most part) well. Hope things are well where you are, too.

new poem! word.

----------------------------

Somewhere

6/2/03

I’m going to sleep, going to dream…
Gonna leave the dark tonight

I sail east away from the sun
Orange behind me turning the freeway to gold
Slab of yellow through the green fields, leading me home

Gonna see you soon

It all falls silent; the air holds its breath
The speedometer, long broken, ceases its lonely plastic grinding
And my tires, worn down vulcanized hopes, hush up

Gonna pull myself from this sunset
See you in the light tonight

My companions fall to the earth below
In the other lane, a breakdown lane, thousand miles away
Just me, leaving the eighteen-wheelers and the sun, ascending to black

We’ll dance among the stars when we meet
I’m gonna smile my tiny smile,
And you’re gonna laugh your tiny laugh

But then my wind dies and I fall back to earth
Car, hope, and tears in perfect synchronous descent
Dancing in a silken rhythm of perfection
Leading me back to the long-haulers and the hum of treads on an easterly path
Turned almost black in the early night

Guess I’ll ride on home
An’ stay outta the light

I’ll sit in the night until the sun sets again, and we meet at last

Gonna see you soon

Oh fuck you dude, that is so not cool... i just wrote a big-assed entry and the server started puking, bitching about my http request being too long. Motherfuckers.

General jist of the original: work was okay on the first day, and women are perplexing as fuck. Relationships are overrated because the bad things always seem to outweigh the good ones (ie what the hell is the point, you know? can relationships even be good? And if so, what is so good? You've got me....)

Grr... sometimes, man, sometimes. Now i guess i'll go shower and go to bed.

Whoa... back from dinner at the local Fortune Cookie. I went there with my grandma, so that was cool, but i ate far too much food. Alas. But fuck it, I can indulge once in awhile, especially when it's free.

Other than that, that's all I've done so far today. Now I'm waiting for the Coyote to show up so she can sell me her old stereo, a NAD reciever, equalizer, and this ancient relic called "The Beam Box", an adjustable am/fm antenna. It actually works pretty slick, but it's so 70s, with the faux wood laminate, etc. The kicker is that i've no clue what the fuck i'll actually do with this stereo. I'd thought of using it for my PC, but the paradigm titan speakers i'll use aren't video shielded. Perhaps it'll go in the Man Room (the basement).

That's all for now... to the couch with me!

Grr... I was going to sit down and write my first post from my new place in Bismarck, but now i realised that I have some shit i need to take care of, like right now. Bah...

Perhaps I'll write more tonight.

Hmm.. Been awhile since I've written, huh? Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, haha... i've been busy with the move and school! By the way, I'm done! I graduated today, much to my satisfaction. It's been a long time coming.

This past week I've been living with Funkmaster Pink and his girlfriend, which has been rad. But the 28.8kbps dialup kinda licks. Alas.

I'll just cut this short for now, since i'm battling some creeping death along with my normal 11:39pm sleepiness. Dream beautiful dreams tonight, reader.

May Day, May Day, cha cha cha!

Not too exciting, I guess. Just another standard, run-of-the-mill day. Went to my Phi Alpha Theta banquet this evening... which wasn't so bad. Coyote won a free haircut in the raffle, and Steve won a $25 gift certificate to B&N. So that was cool. The food wasn't too bad, either. Honestly, I'd have rather stayed home and coded, but I guess we can't have everything.

Since my life has been pathetically bland lately, I'm just going to put a hold on writing and go read for Social Implications of Computers. Have a good one.

Been awhile since i've written... been busy! I moved more shite back home this weekend, and I've been studying like a bastard for my last OS test coming up this Tuesday. Not much time devoted to more leisurely persuits. I'll make do, though.

Friday was my last day at my internship. All in all, looking back, it was pretty decent. Just like any job, you have your on and off days, but it was a fun time. Just a pretty relaxed atmosphere, a chill place... and Bobby Brown on Fridays. What more can a college student ask for?

Well, the ability to write a poem whenever he wants to. I tried tonight and came up with this:

Spread your arms and cease the rain
Smile and break the clouds
Laugh and dance in the cool wind

Let the night wind blow away my doubt and despair
Let it carry you to me

Sail into my soul tonight

So.. yeah, it went really nowhere. I guess I just wasn't much feeling the love tonight, so to speak. It might just find itself ressurected at a later date, though.

Time to go hit some Social Implications research. Won't you come join me on this cold, windy night? We'll make ourselves some hot chocolate and talk of years ahead, years filled with bliss and grandeur. Sleep well, reader.

Sing with me, guys... "I LOVE CREDIT CARD DEBT, CHA CHA CHA!"

Tonight I paid bills. Lovely. I got paid today, $200.69, and a hefty $125 of that went to my cards. Alas. Soon (maybe next year) I'll have them paid off, and that should be a nice relief. Can't wait until I start bringing in some bigger checks this summer. And I'll have health and dental insurance again, after years without! Well... I've not had the dental since, ah, three years ago. Health has been more like six or seven years, if I'm not completely mistaken. 'Been a long time coming.

Today, as a whole, wasn't that eventful. Work went well - I was finally able to get cranking on a project that has laid dormant for the past few weeks - but I didn't go lift, since Steve wasn't feeling all that well. I just sat around and read some OS. The weather was quite crappy, too, so I didn't feel like going out anywhere. Cold, rainy, slushy, gray, windy - bah.

Perhaps it was mostly the weather that set me into a somber mood. For the better half of the day, and up till now, I've been a bit less cheerful, trending on the sad side.. One of those moments where I can't put a finger on why I'm not bouncing around like a euphoric idiot, but I know I'm not. Tomorrow is always another day, though. Maybe it will be a little brighter.

Nothing else to write about, I guess, so I'll go. Sleep well tonight.

Tonight is a bit of an odd night. I'm not quite sure why, but it's just different. Maybe it's the storm on the horizon. The black clouds just barely visible to the west, yet blue sky right above. The sun feels warm on my arms, on the back of my neck. I'm out riding bike, the breeze blowing through my hair, the real wind almost dead calm - so it's an easy, fun ride. I'm in tune with the trees and the chunky hum of my thick mountain bike tires on the paved river trail. But whenever I glance across, to the other side of that slow stream, there's those black clouds. I'll make it home in time - no fear, I won't get wet. My chain won't rust. But they're out past Mandan just the same.

I've an OS test coming up next Tuesday.

The fact that I have this last and final test coming up so soon really is unfortunate. Why? Just because I haven't started reading yet. Why am I sitting here fucking writing in the blog, then? Since reading OS, as you, reader, know, is something I really, really hate doing. I'd rather spill all the nasty details of my life, like who I dreamed about last night... but that's for another time.

I had fun today, though. Like riding my bike around when the wind is low and the sun is high. Colonel Kernel and I ate of the tasty chicken wings at Buffalo Wild Wings, I got some coding done, and I generally didn't do much else. A fine day.

But i must be going now. Enjoy the rest of this night, and dream of all that you can do tomorrow.

Hola, children. I really don't have time to write, but fuck it. Research for my Social Implications class seems rather petty right now.

This weekend was pretty wild - just a lot of stuff that went on. Colonel Kernel and I, along with another dude from the Computer Science department, went to a computing conference in Duluth, MN. We didn't present any papers or even go to any sessions, but we did participate in the programming contest. That was the official reason for going, I suppose. Unofficial reason: fun. After the contest (at which we placed somewhere between 8 and 12th place out of 30 teams, we think) we drove back to the hotel and then took a cab over to a dance club in Superior, Wisconsin called the Stargate. There, I just got blasted... had some ten beers and a few shots of the Jagermeister. Colonel wasn't too bad off, and the other dude was having a blast. I did try to dance, but that turned out to be a mistake. I'm a coding barnyard animal; i have no moves. I am the antithesis of "fly". So yeah, it was a humbling experience, seeing a bunch of honeys, but knowing I was absolutely cut.

Yes, I do realise that those girls there probably suck, and so aren't my type, but... it still sucked. It opened my eyes a bit to the reality that while some good-looking and just plain good girls are out there, they sure as fuck weren't at the Stargate in Superior, Wisconsin, getting drunk and shaking their shit on the dancefloor. It made me realise that danceclubs aren't my type of place, and that bars are pretty much out of the question for me - in regards to meeting girls. It also made me realise that I'm probably screwed when I move back home, since my social life will most likely shrivel up and die, only to be blown away during a bastard of a summer hailstorm... or something. And it made me realise, too, that most of the good ones are probably taken anyways. People my age, or close to it, are starting to get engaged left and right. It's quite bizarre for me, since I'm just sitting back on the outskirts of all this, wondering what the fuck is happening, why noone picked me to go out and play kick-ball with them. Why I was sort of glanced over, never to be remembered. Why I apparently blend in so well with the background scenery of last-months broken hopes and yesterday's glamour gods. And why noone else seems to be here to join me.

Today was pretty cool, though. The Colonel and I went on a 18-19mile bike ride this afternoon, which was pretty fun. A good work-out, too, since it was really windy. Still was warm, thankfully. 87 degrees in the middle of April in North Dakota is pretty sweet. Then, this evening, I had Funkmaster Pink and and his girlfriend come over and join myself and Steve and The Princess for some lovely grilling. I did some burgers with some Cloverdale hot dogs, to much enjoyment of all in attendance.

I live for mountain biking, beer, and grilling out. Thank you, summertime!

That's really all for now. Perhaps I'll make my way into the shower and recommence my intrepid research. Fare well, reader, and dream tonight of the slow, beautiful lullabye of distant thunder.

I'm too damned tired to write anything tonight. Sorry.

Hola. Figured it's been awhile since I wrote in here, and I'm bored to boot. Sit back and enjoy the update.

What's notable of late? Well, I got a place to live in Bismarck! Thank god that happened soon; took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Turns out the place is in central Bismarck, just north of a park. It's a two-bedroom side-by-side duplex. At three levels, including the unfinished basement, it's pretty large - plenty of space for a single goat. Supposedly it's pretty decent place. Note the fact that i've not actually seen this rental unit yet - I had my dad take a look at it, whereupon I heeded his suggestion to go for it. Figured he knows what I like, and if he says it's shit, then it must be. Like a three-bedroom house in central bismarck that I could have probably gotten. Turned out to be pretty bad.. like shitty linioleum in the kitchen, no dishwasher, little counter space, and right on the corner of two fairly busy streets. Uh, no.

So I'm pleased that I have that shit taken care of. Now I just have to deal with moving all my crap back home. This includes the loveseat, papasan, bed, stereo, computer, and the cookware i've purchased whilst in fargo (the wusthof knives, some other miscellaneous accessories like pyrex bakeware and such) - and the phatty towels I got the other day at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. What a great place! But the move does seem rather daunting; mostly since it will take place in the latter part of this semester. I wish I could do it after I graduated, but it will be nice to have most of my shit in place west of here in "the Bis", so I can drop in and get unpacking like a rabid ass mofo. Word.

Ah, this weekend... what ever did i do? Jack and shit. I drank a good amount of beer though, so that made for festive times. I killed the rest of my Jagermeister too (that I purchased, ah, maybe November of 2001 mind you). Friday night, see, we had a little soiree here. The Princess' friend Rachel came into town, so those two along with Steve and I hung out, drank, and watched Jackass: The Movie and Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. Pretty special but funny as shit. And the Lobster and her man-friend showed up later too, so that was pretty cool seeing them. Besides drinking this weekend, I helped code part of the resource management module for our distributed OS project, and finished my LAN homework too. And it was the Coyote's birthday today, so we went with her sister and brother-in-law to Mexican Village for dinner. Good stuff, and a fun time.

I get to grill out this summer in the back yard!!! score! :)

Oh, and goddamit it, I've been jonesing like a dumbass for a woman this weekend, too. Note the cyclic nature again - i'm in one of those "spells" now. Mayhap it has to do with the onset of Spring. Who knows... all i know is that I wouldn't mind some play. But the proverbial well runneth far too dry in Fargo as of late. Seeings as I have bigger fish to fry, however - like this whoring last semester of school - it might just be good that I don't have the extra burden of dealing with relationship matters (or similar crap) right now.

I get to mountain bike by the river this summer!!! yay! :)

I've been searching the 'net far and wide for platform beds like a junkie in need of Funyuns lately, too. See, I really don't want a footboard. Why? Well, i hate having my top sheets, comforters, etc tucked into the foot of the bed. Bugs the hell out of me. Can't much keep them free with a footboard at the end. Yet the kicker is that I've been lusting after sleigh beds - particularly the cool styling of their headboards. I'd just buy one and get it over with but that bastard footboard keeps fucking it up. There's one solution to this pickle. I've discovered something called a "platform bed" that appears to have the headboard of a sleigh bed but a nice low-height footboard at the end that would let me keep the sheets untucked. And i get the wooden side rails! Problem is, these platform beds are very elusive creatures. They're sneaky, eluding most every effort to find them. The ones I have come across are a bit spendy though (like $2600). Part of me wonders if I can just get a sleigh headboard and say fuck the side rails and wee footboard, since maybe the comforter and sheets will obscure the metal bed frame. Might just have to ask a friendly neighborhood sales associate about that.

Seeings as I'm pretty much out of things to say, I'll go kick it in the living room for awhile. Enjoy the first evening of daylight savings time.

Why is the font all fucked up in the editor?? I don't want 14pt Tahoma! Bastards!

Alas... i make do, even in the face of the ill-tempered font gods. I've been wasting the better part of this evening procuring various digital pleasures like Matthew Good Band mp3s. yay! I shall have to buy all of their CDs soon. They haul. Other than spending lots of time on the net, I read for awhile for class and did some more work for my job in Bismarck.

And I looked for places to rent, too. Tomorrow is crunch-time on that. Since it's April 1st, I'll be trying like a mad bastard to find a place to rent in Bismarck. I might have to even step down to an apartment, as much as I don't want to. Thing that irks me is that there are houses available for like $650/mo, but they go far too fast. If I can't nab one i'll be stuck getting an apartment for about the same price. Granted, it might be of better quality than the comparable house, but the idea of having my own place is very very tantalizing. Hell, I could have a yard, a garden, and no goddamned yetis or whatever they are living above me. I could blare Rush as loud as I wanted to, and have parties, and it would all be just a lot of wicked fun. Let's hope the rental gods are a little more benevolent than their font-dictating counterparts.

As lame as it sounds, I guess I haven't much more to say. I reckon I'll be going to bed soon. Sleep well, courageous one, and keep your head high, let the sun dance across your eyes, feel the wind run about in your hair, and connect with all that is.

Okay, well, the "more" in "more to come later" below is coming now. Why? Because I don't feel like dealing with reading my 489 book just now. The social implications of computers are interesting, yes, but right now writing in my blog and jamming to the pink disc of Mellon Collie is far more enticing.

So here I am.

What, you might just ask, have I been doing with my bad goat self this weekend? Suprisingly, lots more than the usual homework. Yesterday I worked a full day, as per usual, and I then went to Funkmaster Pink's. There we proceeded to drink copious amounts of Rolling Rock, talk of politics (mostly how fucking retarded this war is), life (the importance of spirituality), and women (the fact that we both are fiending like mad bastards and aren't quite getting any, much to our obvious disdain, and how confusing the opposite sex can be). After kicking back a good lot of the refreshingly light brew from out East, we got the clever idea to walk up from Pink's place to Taco Bell. It's not too far (about 11 blocks away), but it still made for a good little jaunt. Personally, I was hoping that Burger King was open so I could have a nice fattening burger after drinking, but alas it was far too late. Chicken Supreme gorditas work well to feed drunken goats, though, so all went home with inward smiles.

Today was fun as well. Steve and I went out shopping - he procured some roses for his lady friend, The Princess - while I explored Hemp & Bead and The Vinyl Connection. Afterwards we took off for the mall. The intent was to hit Creative Kitchen since they're running a sale on some Wusthof cutlery. Now, I had planned on getting a seven-piece Wusthof block set at Bed Bath & Beyond today, so I could use a 20% off coupon I recieved in the mail (it brought the cost of the set down to $200.00). I noticed some separate knives on sale at CK, but the block I wanted was $229.00. On a whim, I asked if they would do a price match for me. The helpful clerk checked for me and, praise the gods, found she could. The fun part of this is that she didn't charge me $200.00 for the block - she actually rang the block as 20% off their price! So here's goat, a bit estatic to say the least, scoring a $400.00 regular-priced knife set for $189.00! hehe... I also procured some other goodies like wooden spoons and a baking set that contained a mixing bowl and some other stuff. Then at Bed Bath & Beyond I got an oven mit and pot holder, some Pyrex bakeware, and a bread pan (or "loaf pan", as Steve calls it, bless his little heart).

Being a consumer is fun sometimes. Thanks, Minnesota Revenue!! *cue primetime gleaming-white-teeth smile*

And now I find myself sitting here, wondering what to blab on about next. Hmm... my life is pretty damned simple and boring, so who the fuck knows. It seems like I just sort of slide along day to day in this bizarre little cloud, a bit oblivious to the petty shit going on around me, to the wicked commercialism engrossing so many of us, not much caring about the deculturalization of us young folk. They can have their Wal-Mart and Sam's Club and fucking GAP... all I want is my queen bed with six pillows so I can fall asleep and be relatively comfortable whilst everyone fusses about their day wondering what Johnny thinks of her hair or what Lisa thinks of his new shades. Maybe I'm blowing a bit of this out of proportion, but hey, it's how I feel sometimes. I feel so out of place in this society of ours sometimes that it's just sick. The thought of making smalltalk about the weather in the elevator in the morning with some lawyer who works two floors below me makes me want to yack - it's so damned fake. I don't give a shit about the Vikings, I never wanted to go to prom, I drove a piece of shit yet still very kickass '68 ford ltd that appeared to be the colour of pea soup, and i've never cheated on a girl, nor been addicted to drugs. Hell, i've never smoked weed. But i know good bud when i see it. I've never beat anyone up, I've never gone behind anyone's back. I'm a supporter of the Green Party. I still haven't had sex yet, for chist's sake. And I write code. Statistically, I probably don't exist.

But in a way, that's how i like it. I'm staying under the radar, doing my own thing. I don't have many people to answer to, I don't have a girl who is constantly wondering what I am doing, having her paws in my life. I drive a Ford Taurus - the ultimate in stealth vehicles. And I'm a fairly quiet, laid-back dude, I think.

The moral of this story: one of these days i just hope the spaceship comes to take me back home. I'll be damned pissed if home doesn't have Kahlua though. Or velveeta shells 'n cheese, smoked salmon, Killian's Irish Red, Jagermeister, rock concerts, and an Olive Garden here and there. They best not come till I try the IHOP that just opened here, either. Still need to order some Ligenberry pancakes... (The Big Lebowski rears its head once again...)

Now that I've ranted, and you, reader, have endured such a chaotic flood of my thoughts, I shall let you go. Do sleep well tonight, and dream of chasing down the ice cream truck, back when you were five... and how good it tasted on the way back home.

quick post... more to come later. For now, enjoy some new poetry, hot of the press... so to speak.

Enjoy the rest of this fine springlike night, and dream of gazing upon stars this summer.

----------------------------------------

The Gorge

3/22/03

Speeding fast, road trees sky world a blur
The sun falls and lightning strikes
Blinding flashes answer angry shrieks under the hood
Hot rubber and anguish thrust us towards torment

I clasp your hand as the rain falls
We are as one in the storm
Machine hot below us, fire in the sky

Let the rain hit the windshield
Don’t wipe it away
Let the hail slam down
Don’t hide away

If I slide, don’t hit the brakes
Just let me spin off in the dark
If I grip fast and pull through this night
Be at my side tomorrow

And if I don’t drive at all
If I slide to the edge and let the dust roll over

If I stop above the river and beneath the sun

Walk away from me
Make your way back home and let me smile

Time for a bit of relaxing moment. Today has been pretty hectic. I didn't get my normal break between OS and Stats; I had to go help my old history professor look at some computer equipment for the department. Then, after Networks, I camped out for awhile and just read some operating systems for the exam Thursday. We studied, too, but that went a bit worse than expected. This worries me.

I'll make it through, though - I always do, somehow.

Also, it appears as though we won't be going to Minneapolis this weekend. Instead I plan to go back home to Bismarck on Saturday morning. Chances are, I'll come back to Fargo on Monday sometime, earlier the better. I'm taking absolutely no homework either, so it should make for a nice, relaxing few days.

I guess I haven't much else to say, so I will bid you, faithful reader, farewell for now. Sleep well, and dream of contentment.