my god. i can't begin to really even process this past week; for me, at this point, to even try to describe it would be simply wrong. Perhaps later, but the feeling of the energies that merged between us all - fuck, between kris and i - was so transcendentally phenomenal that putting words to it right now simply can't do the experience justice.

Also, I'm simply tired, and awfully sad, too. Yet so fucking happy at the same time; and that's what's so different about all this, why i've never felt anything like this - i should be bawlin' my damned eyes out (shit, i mean, my girl just went back home, and for all intensive purposes it might be quite awhile before i get to see her face to face again) - but i'm not wigging out as much as i have in the past, over relationships that were far less deep as this. It just seems that this connection we share runs so deep and so strong that i know in my heart of hearts that it will always be there - it feels like it always was. I can't help but smile when i think of the next adventure we'll share. And, right now, that's what matters, right along with all those experiences we shared over the past seven days. Nothing short of pure contentment and overwhelming bliss. I wish everyone could feel what i feel right now.

I actually wrote a little today, right after i said my goodbyes at the airport, as we waited to see kris & zan's flight take off - as the plane taxied down the runway, stopped, turned around, and rocketed skyward. Now, don't get me wrong, i've written stuff that is far better than this, but this was so spontaneous, and was written really as everything took place, in an attempt to somehow capture that dual feeling of extreme sadness/longing and pure joy when seeing what lies ahead and what we had a chance to share. And in that way i could never change it; to do so would be sacrilege. Have a pleasant night, reader, and dream sweetly.

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untitled

10/12/04

chasing the sun, all the way home
you and i
facing not a sunset but a sunrise
forever
i can't do anything but raise my eyes to
you
in the plane
and smile
tears for the times we'll share
dried by the cool breeze
all this
forever