this is not good.
i'm sitting
drunk
in my ex-girlfriend's bedroom
and her roommate

(who is watching
her mother's dog)

(and is, in all honesty,
amazing)

walked past me.

the dog,
even,
walked past me.

she smelled my hand
and in a fury of
distrust
and
disgust
turned her head
and walked
the other way

just as
they
always do.

and
always will;
for i'm
just the stinking drunk
stuck in a place
i can't even
bear to see
that i can't even
bear to notice
that i can't
grasp -

god, i'm frail
thin
wasted
emaciated
and i'll i'm searchin' for
is a bit of
food
something to
put a bit 'o meat
on my vegan bones
and tell me

(ever so
softly)

that i'm actually

the
shit

and that i matter
in this smatter
of crap
on the walls