good god.. it's the 27th already. where the fuck has the time gone? not only has it been like a week or more since i've posted last, but good tapdancing christ, i've been out here for more than three months. wow..

people aren't shitting when they say time speeds up once you get out of school. before i know it, i'll be 80, old and shit and rocking out to Sigur Ros and Slayer. I'll be the coolest old dude ever.

anyways, i'm tired, and feeling blah, so i'm gonna shower up and hit the sack. after i post this latest poem. another one that blew in from somewhere close to nowhere. Sometimes those can be the coolest, but this one leaves a little to be desired, I think. However, it whispered that it's done, so here she be. Sleep well, reader, and dream of fun things like waterslides and marshmallows. (preferably the vegan variety, cause cow bones and pig skin just don't belong in a s'more, man - they belong on pigs and inside cows! gelatin... bah.)

-----------------------------------

the aluminum icarus cast down

6/27/05

as the aircraft falls from
the heavens above
and fire shoots
out of my hands
you’ll ask yourself
what does this
mean,
and why
does
it
matter?
and my fading eyes that fall
through
the
clouds
will answer back in an
empty voice, the nonresponsive
(de)affirmation, whatever you choose –
what you see
is the last of me
all you’ll ever see
riding the night
on silver scraps
of screaming failed flames

simply shallow (the deception of beauty)

6/15/05

so you think I could run?
you really believe I could
carouse away
and concoct the colors up to thirty one
in a solid smear the strength of the sun?

believe me
I could
but instead, if you’d have me
I believe I’d stay
for we’d together twist a string of the softest yarn
cord of the most sensual blue
from these fields of
soft white chances around us
we’ll twist
and tighten
and
fuck
I’m starving for those things

but they ain’t here

or there

or at the end of this run

but in the stare of the moonlight and the
hum of the sun;
they’re frozen
in the grace of your hand and the
the starburst of your pride;
they’re in the taste of your tales and
the sound of our
dreams
that echo about in
the silent chasm between us
as we stroll down the median
of a seven o’clock street
bearing the weight of the day
in our thoughts, sullen, sugar-glazed
and dipped
like
stale donuts
in cheap
murdered
coffee

Monday afternoon finds me sitting here chewing some Orbit gum and debugging my app in nothing but a pair of fuzzy gray shorts; these behemoth things called Pipes that came from Wal-Mart. Yes, i admit, i'll shop there once in a while, but it's only in a pinch, i swear! I needed shorts over a year ago to help facilitate effective spinning with Laura, and lo and behold ended up with these things, since it was the only store open at 10:30pm that sold anything remotely spinnable.

or so i thought.

Fleece shorts do not make effective spin-wear. let's just say one gets a wee uncomfortably hot.

But life isn't so bad, right now - i get to work in my homie shorts and blog and generally chill, which kicks ass. (evidently it actually does, since for some reason my right ass cheek has been hurting like a mofo all day long... but that's a whole 'nother story, reader.)

Alas, right now, i'm pathetically fucking bored. I'm cooped up here in my "office" for another two hours or so, and i'm getting down-right stir crazy. This absolutely stunning afternoon keeps whispering in my ear that I should come out and ride one of my bikes, but this gosh-derned program of mine just won't write itself these days. But the sky is so blue, the wind so calm, and the air just so fragrant that i can't help but imagine what it would be like to hit the singletrack with a vengance in about fifteen minutes. I guess i'll just have to hit that shit this afternoon when I decide to call it quits.

Part of me also really wants to get outdoors just so i can lay out for awhile. I'm still pathetically white (aside from the fierce farmer tan that i'm rocking, which is sooo hot - that's how i get the chicks) ... so a more even goat-tan is in order. But the bike so overrules that shit today; it's been since december since i've rode the war-horse anywhere. Road biking is fun, certainly, but it's nothing like mountain biking. And fuck, i'm in fucking Utah, reader - to not mountain bike or ski this state is sacrilege.

I feel like i'm done writing for now, i guess. Just more or less out of stuff to say. I could write plenty about the last trip to bismarck, i'm sure, but i'm on the fast track to getting over most of it, as i pretty much always do (i can't stay miffed to save my life), so ranting about shit in the past is probably, for the most point, pointless.

until next time, though, come, reader, let us frolic amongst the trees and bleat our little hearts out. stay happy and if you're feeling crappy, don't, cause that's not much fun.

this is not good.
i'm sitting
drunk
in my ex-girlfriend's bedroom
and her roommate

(who is watching
her mother's dog)

(and is, in all honesty,
amazing)

walked past me.

the dog,
even,
walked past me.

she smelled my hand
and in a fury of
distrust
and
disgust
turned her head
and walked
the other way

just as
they
always do.

and
always will;
for i'm
just the stinking drunk
stuck in a place
i can't even
bear to see
that i can't even
bear to notice
that i can't
grasp -

god, i'm frail
thin
wasted
emaciated
and i'll i'm searchin' for
is a bit of
food
something to
put a bit 'o meat
on my vegan bones
and tell me

(ever so
softly)

that i'm actually

the
shit

and that i matter
in this smatter
of crap
on the walls

god.... i'm drunk again, on tequila and wined and beer and fuck

i need to get laid so bad!

(anyone know of anyone in salt lake that's fond of the Barnyard Charm??)

aah.... nothing like free wireless internet at the bismarck municipal airport. Now, if only Denver would just follow suit; then i'd be one fucking happy travelin' Goat.

Alas, it'll be good to be home, in some respects. While i'll undoubtedly miss the crew up yonder here in the great white north, it's been an interesting trip, to say the least. I could elaborate plenty, i'm sure, and i can almost guarantee that i will at some point. Right now, though, the name of the game is to simply get mah ass back home, ensure nothing has become graciously fucked in my two-week abscense from the apartment, and do a shitload of launrdy, cause dude, i'm so out of clean clothes. Any longer and i'll be running around Utah stark naked, otherwise, and that's just a scary, scary thought.

I'd hate to upset the Mormons. They haven't found me yet... and a naked Goat prancing amongst their domain would assuredly attract far more attention than I could stomach.

If I can hold them at bay until next year when the lease expires, my little stint in Utah will have gone pretty smoothly, I think. Of course... i still have like ten or eleven months until that happens... alas.

But my plane boards soon... so more to come later. Have a peaceful day, and keep smilin', homeslice.