Good evening, folks. I'm on my way to bed shortly here, but as i let my hair dry, i thought it prudent to stop on over to the 'ol blog and toss an entry out for the hell of it.

And, i just felt like writing tonight.

Today started off with grand aspirations. Although I didn't make it into the office until 7:40am (hey, a goat's gotta sleep in sometimes) I got some decent stuff done today while i was there. It did get a little stressful, though, so by the time i got home i was ready just to let it all hang out, relax, and chill with dustin and his brother and other friends for his bro's 21st birthday.

Before that, however, i had a hell of a rollercoaster ride. There were tremendous ups - two letters from Kris, which was a fucking awesome surprise, man, and a cool little chat with Zan, as well. All that positive energy was by all means welcome (as it always is), but even moreso considering the other crap that went down around the same time. My grandmother called me and proceeded to start going off about my old man, and a bunch of related family matters, including my stepbrother's suicide a year and a half ago, etc etc... and it brought out a lot of darkness into what i had thought would be a bright, stellar, simply chill evening.

Alas, i was called on to assume the role of moral supporter, to help my grandmother through some particularly heavy emotions. The bitch of this task, though, is that I want to be there for pretty much everyone, and will be there for everyone, but it does begin to drag a person down over time, because, sadly, there's only so much energy that i can push out to those in need - especially when i'm in a state myself where i'm not the fullest; i'm battling the creeping death as well as these bouts of not-quite-depression but just blueness that keep trying to take hold. I've been more or less successful at keeping those at bay, but nonetheless it's hard to ward off destructive feelings and help someone at the same time. Especially when you have a direct association with the same shit the person you're helping is dealing with.

It's times like these where i begin to wonder if some of my personality traits - being overly sensitive and empathetic, being able to see both sides to damn near everything, not seeing things in black and white - are really blessings or are outright curses. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that those traits are actually good things. I feel like a fence-sitter most of the time (unless it concerns obvious wrongs, like George W. or lima beans or something), but again, maybe that's a good thing - that i'm not too overly reactionary, unless in those cases where i'm so passionate about something i can't help but be reactionary; to not be reactionary over something as childish as an amendment to ban gay marriage, or fight against voter apathy, or take a stand against any other thing that is right is a denial of one's self, of your passions, of life.

Even though i abrupty left my stepbrother's visitation, and couldn't bring myself to attend the funeral, for christ's sake, because of the insanity that blew up during the visitation, i can see why it happened. From my family's side, at least.

Anyways, yeah, the night got a little off-kilter after talking over some of that stuff with my grandmother. Things were looking up after talking with zan, though, and meeting dustin and the rest of the crew at the restaurant. After some tasty tex-mex and unsweetened iced tea (the latter of which Goats are quite fond), i was doing okay.

(somehow, though, i managed to cut open my lower lip on the top of cody's car door before dinner began. don't ask...)

all said and done, i was looking forward to bowling and generally chilling with my friends. Dustin and I met up with cody and his ex-girlfriend at his house, and plans encountered a bit of a change. Upon arrival all hell seemed to break loose as cody and his ex began fighting. It wasn't some mega huge nuclear extravaganza, but it wasn't much fun to experience, and it left both pretty well shaken. After a good spot of talking, between all of us, she took off, taking his keys - since he'd been drinking - and the remaining three of us ended up axing the plans to bowl. Instead, we took off, picked up cody's new girl, and came back to the house, where we just sort of sat around. All the while i was coughing to beat hell, and getting more tired as well, so i decided to call it an early night around 10:00 in the interest of keeping my health as well as it can be.

That leads me to where i am now; blogging like a mad fiend. It's been good spending some time with you tonight, reader. Alas, I ought to hit the sack and catch some beauty rest - and try and recover from this wicked creeping death i have. Word on the street is that dustin is gonna give me the echinacea hook-up tomorrow, though, so hopefully that'll help me kick this thing's ass.

Have a blissfully calm night, reader, and we'll meet again soon.