Something i just sent into a user forum on the Bismarck Tribune website, where everyone is getting all horny and shit over the fact that a bunch of "big-box" retailers are coming to Bismarck - such things as Best Buy, Kohl's, Lowe's, the Home Depot, etc:

"More than big-box retailers, Bismarck would benefit far more from an enhanced downtown district. The area sadly lacks in culture - one reason I decided to move away to Salt Lake City - and a downtown district that had more local and unique dining options, artisan galleries, and perhaps even a live music venue would be something highly attractive. I worry that with an influx of big-box retailers comes the sickening urban sprawl I see time and time again in growing cities (SLC, sadly, no exception), and I would hate to see Bismarck caught up in the homogenization of culture that occurs with such a boom as we might experience. We can strengthen our own unique city, or let it fall into obscurity amongst every other city that's full of Ruby Tuesday restaurants and GAP clothing stores. Which would you rather choose?"

hundred thousand miles

7/21/05

distance died
the day i learned i had feet
and could hobble across the land
at a toddler's wobble
in persuit of new adventures to the west -
a little intrepid explorer heeding the words of Greeley,
off to meet the setting sun

it still dies, twenty-one years later
every time I ride the wind in mechanical miracles
above snowdrift mountains of cloud
as I guide my car through
gobs of traffic slow as clots of glue
and as i send my pain through
the abstract passages I
cast as waves and electrons to heaven

but, oh, distance comes back, lurching like the undead
every time i peek inside
you
and feel the fear
you wrap around your shoulders
like a soft blue velvet shawl
on fire
or a molten rayon costume, that happy hollow facade
which seals away
that beautiful self
i rarely get to see

state street

7/20/05

what a
fragrant wet night
it was! thick with the scent of the
storms on the horizon and the hidden vapor
of the river slow and lazy in the twilight,
the streets alive, sweeping and slithering
across a
pulsing
verdant
great plains village,
rattlesnakes gorged and glistening
in a city overgrown, screaming its ten o'clock July orgasm
to the sky, that bruised and jilted
sacred starkeeper
in bloated heavy love with a full smiling moon

and oh, i'd have fucked existence
if i could, right there,
in the moist air and
darkening night,
in the middle of the street,
but, as it be, i'm just
a bit too small
for something
that
massive
and potent,
if you get
what i mean

Well holy fucking shit... it's been forever since i've posted! That seems to happen a lot with me, and try as a might to keep a regular journal, those efforts seem to fall apart like so much rotten thread in an ancient forgotten shawl.

I've been thinking about stuff lately, however, as Goats generally do, and it felt appropriate this morning to take a small break and share a few thoughts. Ever since last night, I've been focusing a lot on the concept of missed oppportunities. Perhaps as I get older I begin to realise more consciously that our time in this existence is indeed limited, and how shameful and almost sacreligious it seems to not follow what seems in the flow - to not make the most out of the wide array of opportunities that life presents you every day. I'm just as guilty as the next person in a lot of ways - part of me really feels drawn to Guatemala, for example, and i feel like if i really honored the flow and did what i could, i'd sell it all and move down there and dedicate my life to helping those less fortunate succeed in a world that doesn't apparently give a flying fuck about them. Alas, i continue to sit here in Utah, coding and jamming to Dave Matthews Band live in Central Park, thinking about those things i've missed out on, and the things that other people i know have missed out on, too. The things they could have had, but chose not to.

What gets me is that in a lot of those instances, the things that people can have are fucking amazing, and in all reality, awfully easy to obtain. But people get so scared by the prospect of it actually happening, i think - of this thing actually becoming true in their lives - that they get stuck like a deer in the headlights of possibility and turn the other way and go back to the life they find easy, familiar, and less unsettling, because it's ultimately the path of least resistance and is known already. They fall back into that life because it takes less effort than trying for something better, and it's less risky than going out on a limb and facing the unknown. Because, perhaps, they feel there would be less dissapointment, pain, and anguish if they went out on a limb and it snapped... and they fell on their face. But what is worse, living a life that fills your head with "what-if"s on your deathbed, or risking your comfort to live the happiest you ever could? You can wander lazily through your half-life, a shallow, meek trek through this adventure at our doorstep, or you can become consciously aware of what makes you the happiest, you can identify what will fulfill you the most, you can live for your happiness, your heart, and push with all you have for that thing that will blow your mind, fry your circuits, and shake up your current life, leaving you dazed and smiling, drunk and high on the life you have.

If you can go for it, why not? If there's nothing stopping you, what are you waiting for?

Have a pleasant Monday, reader, filled with smiles and chocolate and sunshine and stuff.

What the fuck, Joe? Why did you have to go do this?

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/LAW/07/05/idaho.children/

We would have all helped you, if you'd only have asked.