Hey, reader!
I returned from WE Fest and Dave Matthews in one piece... barely. I'm so awfully sleep-deprived it's not even funny (or, perhaps it is, given who's looking at who, haha). I begin speaking in tongues, doing odd little prance-dances, randomly bleating, and eating weird things... like flowers. A yellow rose, in fact, and a little bird tells me that there's some photos of said incident; but, alas, that's another story for another time.
I've had about 5 hours of decent sleep, cumulatively, since Friday night. The whole trip was a hellacious 1100 miles roundtrip, nonstop, from Fargo to East Troy, Wisconsin, where Dave played. More on that experience later. (in short: concert fuckin' awesome, crowd bunkass)
But i reckon that the 'ol Goat should get his nightly beauty rest, since he's not had much in awhile, and could likely scare all sorts of girls away (which doesn't help when the Goat's single!). Plus, i hear tell that the Goat has some wicked cold that he cought out at WE Fest, so he's gonna have to nurse that... or else face the wrath of some evil shit, since he can't shake colds in the summer/autumn season too well. :(
I'll pop in sometime in the next day or so and tell a bit more about the trip. Until then, have a wonderful Monday night, and dream of good times spent with good friends.
8.09.2004
8.03.2004
Although i'm so awfully tired, i just had to write. Perhaps that - and the thought of a forthcoming package from SLC! - is what i needed today to get back into reality. Almost twelve hours coding will zonk a person out, believe you me.
Anyways, here goes. I'm off to bed, to score some proverbial beauty rest. Although goats are often sexy creatures, they too should get their rest, you see... lest they become onery. Have a pleasant night, reader, and we'll see each other soon.
---------------------------------------------
moonlight fading
8/3/04
my mother’s eyes tell the truth
as she spins the blue moon’s tale
dreams tightly clasped within its light
energy carried into forever
and she hands down the legend
of how it gathers your energy
when finally leaving the night
a rare event, but twice a year
although I see her truth
and hear the positive message,
something else lingers within me,
lit by the dull nothinglight
of my worrisome conscience –
would this celestial rarity take everything?
could it dare steal the essence of me
and push off into the night,
triumphant charcoal flags of death
raised high for all to see?
or would its courage get the better of it?
if I could I’d have the better moon –
I’d surrender my thoughts
let it carry them across the stars
and deliver as a whisper my dreams
on a soft evening breeze
Anyways, here goes. I'm off to bed, to score some proverbial beauty rest. Although goats are often sexy creatures, they too should get their rest, you see... lest they become onery. Have a pleasant night, reader, and we'll see each other soon.
---------------------------------------------
moonlight fading
8/3/04
my mother’s eyes tell the truth
as she spins the blue moon’s tale
dreams tightly clasped within its light
energy carried into forever
and she hands down the legend
of how it gathers your energy
when finally leaving the night
a rare event, but twice a year
although I see her truth
and hear the positive message,
something else lingers within me,
lit by the dull nothinglight
of my worrisome conscience –
would this celestial rarity take everything?
could it dare steal the essence of me
and push off into the night,
triumphant charcoal flags of death
raised high for all to see?
or would its courage get the better of it?
if I could I’d have the better moon –
I’d surrender my thoughts
let it carry them across the stars
and deliver as a whisper my dreams
on a soft evening breeze
I am the fuckin' shit, dude... i so just got ninja on c#'s ass and busted up some phatty code poetry, man. For all you coders out there, i couldn't get an ESRI ActiveX-based MapControl to host inside of an Infragistics-provided DockableControlPane control. In short, it seemed like it was a problem activating a System.Windows.Forms.ContainerControl. Or something to the effect of it. (it's complicated, but if anyone ever has a problem like this and would like to see the resolution let me know).
See, the mapcontrol derives from AxHost. This class has an Activate method which likely calls Activate on the embedded activex control, but also seems to call Activate on the AxHost.ContainerControl object. Generally that's a Windows Form, but for various reasons I couldn't have my mapcontrol hooked to a Form like that. Hence, when DockableControlPane would invoke the AxHost.Activate() method, it would try and activate its containercontrol, but oops, shit, if it's null, it'll throw a nice ArgumentException. Alas.
Well, UserControl to the rescue! I just built my own, since it derives from ContainerControl, and dropped a MapControl onto it. Then addded the UserControl to my DockableControlPane. Bickety-bam, the proverbial motherfucker is rubble.
Whew. It feels nice when you figure out a problem you've been freaking out about for two weeks at work. :)
Peace, reader.
See, the mapcontrol derives from AxHost. This class has an Activate method which likely calls Activate on the embedded activex control, but also seems to call Activate on the AxHost.ContainerControl object. Generally that's a Windows Form, but for various reasons I couldn't have my mapcontrol hooked to a Form like that. Hence, when DockableControlPane would invoke the AxHost.Activate() method, it would try and activate its containercontrol, but oops, shit, if it's null, it'll throw a nice ArgumentException. Alas.
Well, UserControl to the rescue! I just built my own, since it derives from ContainerControl, and dropped a MapControl onto it. Then addded the UserControl to my DockableControlPane. Bickety-bam, the proverbial motherfucker is rubble.
Whew. It feels nice when you figure out a problem you've been freaking out about for two weeks at work. :)
Peace, reader.
8.01.2004
Word up, homies! Yo yo yo, DJ Goat in the hiz-ouse!
... right. I should just stick to being a hick, ah reckon, than one of them thar rappers. :)
Anyways, my day was pretty cool, and i do hope yours was too, reader. I didn't do much of anything too eventful, aside from go over to the folks' place for my stepmom's birthday - and talk with zan for awhile too, which was awesome as always - and chill with Brianne for a bit tonight, too. So i guess i did keep busy, but it was relaxing, too, and ultimately fulfilling. In some ways, the perfect Sunday.
I had intended on simply popping in before bed to wish you a happy Sunday evening and a wonderful start tomorrow morning. Alas, I decided to - for whatever reason - peek at my old profile on Yahoo! Personals. Back in December 2002 I decided it would be cool to meet some new people around town, particularly a new girl, if I could do such a thing (traditionally it's a royal bitch for me to meet girls, especially awesome ones). Now, I had always been quite opposed to the idea of meeting dates online, but i figured what the fuck, what have I to lose? Surprisingly it worked! A month later I was dating "Elizabeth", my last girlfriend. A few other girls expressed interest in dating, but i was already off the market, so to speak, so i didn't give them much thought.
And, in reality, i'm still not... since from what i could tell they weren't quite Goat material. It takes a special girl, dude - maybe because i'm just so, well, special. :) Anyways, a moment ago I went and looked at my old Yahoo! profile, out of simple curiosity. Here's what I had to say about my goat-self, back in late 2002:
"...I'm not the average dude who just got out of college and is starting a life of his own - and searching for someone to share it with. I've got my head on straight, I know what I want in life, and I'm not afraid to go and find it. But for me, what I want in life isn't just to climb the corporate ladder or constantly party, like, well, my freshman year at college! It's simply to be happy and to meet someone that's totally unique. Happiness for me comes from both the big and the small - from hearing a song on the radio that takes you back, like some Pumpkins or some DMB, to stargazing, mountain biking, or just kicking back with a cold one and watching Lord of the Rings. Happiness is taking a weekend off to see Radiohead with three of your best friends. And it's the thrill of meeting someone new and feeling that deep and amazing click of a connection. They're some of the things I live and breathe for, and I'd love to meet a girl that feels as passionate about life as I do and isn't afraid to be herself. A girl that won't hesitate to open up and connect, constantly teaching, enriching, and making life all the more awesome through the balance created between us. Oh, and she'd be all the cooler if she enjoyed keeping healthy and active (but wouldn't mind lazy Sundays filled with movies!) and was someone who felt as passionate about music as I do. Does this make me different from other guys my age? Sometimes I wonder... but being a little different isn't so bad! "
While most of that isn't that profound, really - just the basic, run-of-the-mill stuff i'm looking for, what surprised me is how close that still is to the kind of girl i'd love to be with. I thought after dating Elizabeth that, if nothing else, i had a stronger conception of who i'd like to share my life with. And in some ways i do, but at the root still lies what I pasted above - and i've always known it. I think that during the six months i was with her that i simply forgot most of it, and didn't much realize the kind of relationship I truly wanted, and in some ways deserve.
You're probably asking, so what, dude, that's what every guy wants. Yeah, probably, i'm sure most guys do - i'd think so, at least. So why even bring it up? Again, you got me! :) Just one of those silly little things that caught my eye and made me go, wow, man, i still feel like that. Kinda like when you don't eat something for about eight years, like smores, and go, holy fuck, those are good - just like i remember! and you sit back wondering why you forgot that they tasted so good in the first place.
Go out and make some smores, guys. Seize the day, get up your courage, and go find your lobster! The person that's totally yours in the world, the one you can spend the rest of your life with. (note the obscure Friends reference there, with the "lobster")
Anywho, enough of my bantering! Have a content and restful Sunday night, reader, and sweet dreams.
... right. I should just stick to being a hick, ah reckon, than one of them thar rappers. :)
Anyways, my day was pretty cool, and i do hope yours was too, reader. I didn't do much of anything too eventful, aside from go over to the folks' place for my stepmom's birthday - and talk with zan for awhile too, which was awesome as always - and chill with Brianne for a bit tonight, too. So i guess i did keep busy, but it was relaxing, too, and ultimately fulfilling. In some ways, the perfect Sunday.
I had intended on simply popping in before bed to wish you a happy Sunday evening and a wonderful start tomorrow morning. Alas, I decided to - for whatever reason - peek at my old profile on Yahoo! Personals. Back in December 2002 I decided it would be cool to meet some new people around town, particularly a new girl, if I could do such a thing (traditionally it's a royal bitch for me to meet girls, especially awesome ones). Now, I had always been quite opposed to the idea of meeting dates online, but i figured what the fuck, what have I to lose? Surprisingly it worked! A month later I was dating "Elizabeth", my last girlfriend. A few other girls expressed interest in dating, but i was already off the market, so to speak, so i didn't give them much thought.
And, in reality, i'm still not... since from what i could tell they weren't quite Goat material. It takes a special girl, dude - maybe because i'm just so, well, special. :) Anyways, a moment ago I went and looked at my old Yahoo! profile, out of simple curiosity. Here's what I had to say about my goat-self, back in late 2002:
"...I'm not the average dude who just got out of college and is starting a life of his own - and searching for someone to share it with. I've got my head on straight, I know what I want in life, and I'm not afraid to go and find it. But for me, what I want in life isn't just to climb the corporate ladder or constantly party, like, well, my freshman year at college! It's simply to be happy and to meet someone that's totally unique. Happiness for me comes from both the big and the small - from hearing a song on the radio that takes you back, like some Pumpkins or some DMB, to stargazing, mountain biking, or just kicking back with a cold one and watching Lord of the Rings. Happiness is taking a weekend off to see Radiohead with three of your best friends. And it's the thrill of meeting someone new and feeling that deep and amazing click of a connection. They're some of the things I live and breathe for, and I'd love to meet a girl that feels as passionate about life as I do and isn't afraid to be herself. A girl that won't hesitate to open up and connect, constantly teaching, enriching, and making life all the more awesome through the balance created between us. Oh, and she'd be all the cooler if she enjoyed keeping healthy and active (but wouldn't mind lazy Sundays filled with movies!) and was someone who felt as passionate about music as I do. Does this make me different from other guys my age? Sometimes I wonder... but being a little different isn't so bad! "
While most of that isn't that profound, really - just the basic, run-of-the-mill stuff i'm looking for, what surprised me is how close that still is to the kind of girl i'd love to be with. I thought after dating Elizabeth that, if nothing else, i had a stronger conception of who i'd like to share my life with. And in some ways i do, but at the root still lies what I pasted above - and i've always known it. I think that during the six months i was with her that i simply forgot most of it, and didn't much realize the kind of relationship I truly wanted, and in some ways deserve.
You're probably asking, so what, dude, that's what every guy wants. Yeah, probably, i'm sure most guys do - i'd think so, at least. So why even bring it up? Again, you got me! :) Just one of those silly little things that caught my eye and made me go, wow, man, i still feel like that. Kinda like when you don't eat something for about eight years, like smores, and go, holy fuck, those are good - just like i remember! and you sit back wondering why you forgot that they tasted so good in the first place.
Go out and make some smores, guys. Seize the day, get up your courage, and go find your lobster! The person that's totally yours in the world, the one you can spend the rest of your life with. (note the obscure Friends reference there, with the "lobster")
Anywho, enough of my bantering! Have a content and restful Sunday night, reader, and sweet dreams.
Cell phones suck sometimes, dude. Mine was just fucking flipping out on me a moment ago, whilst talking with Zan - it kept shutting itself off. Although likely Cell One's attempt at telling me "bitch, stop using so much free long distance!", it still sucks, cause i was having an awesome conversation tonight. Who knows, maybe the thing was getting overheated, too, but all it would say is
Kyocera... Goodbye
and then when i'd try to turn it on, it'd go
Phone is charging
PHONE IS OFF
and i was just like, fuck you man, i don't want you to be off, bitch, i want you on! I don't care if you're charging!
Alas... all good things are meant to come to an end sometime, i suppose. It just sucks when it's during the middle of an awesome conversation! Have a stellar night, reader, and sleep tight. And may you wake with smiles tomorrow.
Kyocera... Goodbye
and then when i'd try to turn it on, it'd go
Phone is charging
PHONE IS OFF
and i was just like, fuck you man, i don't want you to be off, bitch, i want you on! I don't care if you're charging!
Alas... all good things are meant to come to an end sometime, i suppose. It just sucks when it's during the middle of an awesome conversation! Have a stellar night, reader, and sleep tight. And may you wake with smiles tomorrow.
7.29.2004
Hola! I just decided to write another poem, so here goes! It feels to me like it's incomplete, but hey, perhaps that's just because i'm a) fuckin tired and can't think straight anymore, or b) because it's so awfully hard for me to consider something complete in the first place. Alas. I'm sure i'll work on it more someday, especially if i ever try to compile these things and - gasp! - publish some stuff. The Goat's not entirely too sure if he could pull that one off, but hey, some folks think it's okay, so maybe they see something i don't. :) Either way, i have a blast doing it, so it's all good regardless.
I rarely explain my poetry to people - i much rather they simply let it speak to them in its own way, for each individual - but i will say this: I found myself out at Double Ditch with a friend of mine last night, and for some reason it was quite a spiritual experience... likely because of the energy of the place, and the stars being out and what not, and often when I find myself dropped into an unexpected spiritual "whoa" type of thing, one that lasts for a good while, i start reflecting inwardly on stuff. And, should i harness those feelings, i can usually crank out a poem or two or something like that. (as an aside, i have a really hard time just writing poetry or short stuff unless i have a profound - or semi profound - spiritual experience to draw off of..)
So anyways, without further ado, here's my latest bantering. Hopefully you had an excellent day, reader. Sleep well tonight, and stay warm - it might be a chilly one tonight, but there's plenty more warm days ahead.
---------------------------------
Travelers
7/29/04
night comes and so begins
the wandering
aimless in the witching hour
I reach the land’s edge and feel
elements melting into heavier stuff
dark water, crisp sky, heavy brushstrokes of cloud
in a tango with the spirits
all beneath the spotlight beam of a bloated moon
the dance captures me
compels me to pause, blind and lost
tricks me into reflection
and I ask, pause with me too
don’t leave me alone
return to yesterday for a limited time–
come back with me to this place we know
we’re just two souls living in divided time
a million miles apart
but here we can be one –
‘cause the same fat moon I see
shines down everywhere
casting its beam on our smiles and tears
lighting our eyes, firing our dreams
and blending us together
if even for
a single limited eternity
I rarely explain my poetry to people - i much rather they simply let it speak to them in its own way, for each individual - but i will say this: I found myself out at Double Ditch with a friend of mine last night, and for some reason it was quite a spiritual experience... likely because of the energy of the place, and the stars being out and what not, and often when I find myself dropped into an unexpected spiritual "whoa" type of thing, one that lasts for a good while, i start reflecting inwardly on stuff. And, should i harness those feelings, i can usually crank out a poem or two or something like that. (as an aside, i have a really hard time just writing poetry or short stuff unless i have a profound - or semi profound - spiritual experience to draw off of..)
So anyways, without further ado, here's my latest bantering. Hopefully you had an excellent day, reader. Sleep well tonight, and stay warm - it might be a chilly one tonight, but there's plenty more warm days ahead.
---------------------------------
Travelers
7/29/04
night comes and so begins
the wandering
aimless in the witching hour
I reach the land’s edge and feel
elements melting into heavier stuff
dark water, crisp sky, heavy brushstrokes of cloud
in a tango with the spirits
all beneath the spotlight beam of a bloated moon
the dance captures me
compels me to pause, blind and lost
tricks me into reflection
and I ask, pause with me too
don’t leave me alone
return to yesterday for a limited time–
come back with me to this place we know
we’re just two souls living in divided time
a million miles apart
but here we can be one –
‘cause the same fat moon I see
shines down everywhere
casting its beam on our smiles and tears
lighting our eyes, firing our dreams
and blending us together
if even for
a single limited eternity
7.26.2004
I guess tonight is crazyass poem-writin' Monday. I reckon i rather like this'un, and I hope ya'll do, too.
Being creative kicks ass. Many thanks to Zan and Kris for somehow helping me to realize what i've been missing out on for so long. You guys simply kick ass. :)
Peace, reader, and have a night filled with pleasant dreams.
-----------------------------
Endless
7/26/04
it’s coming –
soon, but not now –
yet we feel it – you and I, the birds, trees, and even those fierce clouds
that scurry over us at night and recklessly explode
they tell me I’m alive
and we feel the imminent winter
night falls and its compelling story beckons softly
folds me into its last secret summer pages
and I walk the late hours,
still leaves above me forming a natural mesh
between the open night and my love, the stars
that dance between my eyes and the canopy blanket
as it moves, shifts, dances to a sad tune
remembered long ago
my head next to hers
the scent of her hair playful, subtle
endless fragrance of the world
wrapped up tight, tucked in, underneath the blanket
that holds me tonight
between those heavy pages of existence
but tales pause, sometimes even end, and I know
I must revisit my different story
the life of hidden stars and the music of steel
an epic of little green, black streets, and few dreams,
all simple vanilla nothingness
printed on rice-paper pages
so easily torn
but I’ll pause for a bit
because there’s no need to go home
when tonight will last forever
Being creative kicks ass. Many thanks to Zan and Kris for somehow helping me to realize what i've been missing out on for so long. You guys simply kick ass. :)
Peace, reader, and have a night filled with pleasant dreams.
-----------------------------
Endless
7/26/04
it’s coming –
soon, but not now –
yet we feel it – you and I, the birds, trees, and even those fierce clouds
that scurry over us at night and recklessly explode
they tell me I’m alive
and we feel the imminent winter
night falls and its compelling story beckons softly
folds me into its last secret summer pages
and I walk the late hours,
still leaves above me forming a natural mesh
between the open night and my love, the stars
that dance between my eyes and the canopy blanket
as it moves, shifts, dances to a sad tune
remembered long ago
my head next to hers
the scent of her hair playful, subtle
endless fragrance of the world
wrapped up tight, tucked in, underneath the blanket
that holds me tonight
between those heavy pages of existence
but tales pause, sometimes even end, and I know
I must revisit my different story
the life of hidden stars and the music of steel
an epic of little green, black streets, and few dreams,
all simple vanilla nothingness
printed on rice-paper pages
so easily torn
but I’ll pause for a bit
because there’s no need to go home
when tonight will last forever
7.24.2004
Hey!
The goat's back, fueled by some lovely General Mills cereal tastiness, and by an extreme lack of sleep! Not only that, i'm rockin at fucking eight in the morning on a Saturday (when I really ought to be sleeping) jamming out to one of my mix CDs. It's seriously all about mixing up songs, dude. While i've made better mixes, i like this particular one since it takes the listener (me, mostly - although the Lobster, i know, has the disc as well) on a bit of ride. Not necessarily the cliched "emotional rollercoaster" but a simple journey, if nothing else. It's definately traveling music - music for the nights where the call of the road is simply to strong to ignore, the fragrance of the air simply too rich to withstand, the song of night simply too sweet to resist.
Songs I Adore, Volume 1
The Smashing Pumpkins - The Everlasting Gaze
Rush - Vapor Trail
The Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love
Live - Run to the Water
Radiohead - Let Down
Dave Matthews Band - Lie In Our Graves
Dave Matthews Band - Where are you Going
David Gray - Say Hello Wave Goodbye
Afro Celt Sound System - Persistence of Memory
Radiohead - Lucky
Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien
Loreena McKennitt - Night Ride Across the Caucasus
Dave Matthews Band - Grace is Gone
Apocalyptica - Oh Holy Night
I do that on almost all of my mixes, aside from discs used for spin class or other exercising - and parties. If i can successfully turn the action of basic listening and enjoyment of the songs into a journey through the listener's life and ultimately inner self, I feel like, well, it's a kick-ass mix.
This one will no doubt take me on a nice, well-needed journey this morning.
I feel like the past few weeks have been so fucking messed up. I talked with my close friend the Lobster the other day, and I more or less said, dude, my chi has done a complete 180. From parting ways with my girlfriend to meeting a local girl that is really grooving on me to being away from some pretty important people in my life, things have been crazy.
My ex girlfriend and I were together for over six months, and although we didn't do a whole lot ... on a few levels ... that's a substantial chunk of time. One invests a lot into a relationship, especially one that you're continuously trying to salvage, so when it ended i was left feeling a bit empty. The best way I could describe the feeling was like getting off of a plane, alone, that you thought was bound for someplace you know - let's say SLC,- but end up in some cracked-out place like Tahiti. While Tahiti would be pretty sweet, all things considered, it's no SLC. Likely devoid of such familar things like statues of the angel Moroni and Wal-Marts, it would offer all sorts of new experiences. However, you're by yourself.
Then, while dealing with the adjustment of being single, bam! Nic and Nicole take it upon themselves to try and set me up with this friend of theirs, not a few days after the breakup. I have to hand it to them, i suppose, for thinking of me and trying to find me someone, but this one just isn't my dig, to put it right out there. She's fun, don't get me wrong, but having a friend one can go out with once and awhile is one thing, but a relationship is a whole 'nother bear, reader. The situation is a bit more complicated, too, because she's so awfully into me. Like, to the point of being possessive of me when we're out on the town. One of the servers at the restaurant/bar we dropped into last night was digging on me, too, and was flirting like it was going out of style. To be true, she actually really offended me by making fun of my name (i'm sure she thought it was playful, given the context of everything else, but dude.... that's not cool, man), but that's not the primary point. The deal is, man, she was being a total spaz about this. And goat's aren't generally used to that. Alas, the furry creatures are used to people trusting them, for they're fairly placid creatures. They may bleat occasionally if annoyed or provoked, but most of the time they simply keep to themselves, muching on tin cans and shoelaces and such.
So when said girl starts raising concerns about how many girl friends i have, i'm just like, whoa. Yes, i admit, a good portion of my friends are girls - perhaps more than half - but what's wrong with that? I guess it befuddles me that someone wouldn't trust me. Of course, on the flip side, i've caught lots of shit from some friends and family for being too trusting myself, so maybe this is an all-around issue: thinking that people are inherently good, pure, and trusting. The older and older i get, the more i realise that's not the complete truth, and it doesn't piss me off - it disappoints me.
Plus, she's older than me. While being older isn't a big deal, sometimes, she's old enough that there's a big difference in what we've both experienced in life. Hers has been way more wild than mine, mostly the "bad" side of wild, and mine has been nothing short of, well, good. I've had my share of ups and downs - the Black Summer of 2002, for example, and some interesting childhood memories from back at that thar mo-bile home park i grew up in - but when i look back on my life, it's been lots of fun, and for the most part, good.
I could go on and on about why her and I simpy wouldn't work in the long term, but even before all that stuff lies a basic, important fact: I just don't feel the same way about her that she does for me. With her I've never felt that deep, resonant click of a new connection. That's important to me! Perhaps i'm a bit weird, but that's something that I look for. I'm a bit of a believer in connections and this nebulous thing I call "the path" or "the flow." If something isn't in the path, or the flow of things, it can register a bit negatively. Because deep down I know it's not meant to be, for some reason. That doesn't necessarily mean we can't learn from experiences or take some positives away from the messes we deal with from time to time, but the real stuff, the true stuff - I know deep-down if it's mean to be, and if it's not, I'll move along, along the path.
Sometimes, though, the path gets blocked and you need to take a detour. With not much effort I can look back with impeccable hindsight and see where I veered off course. There are times where this is almost necessary - required if for no other reason than to keep your sanity. However, there are just as many times where veering off course isn't the best idea, and you know it when you do it. Right now, i'm struggling a bit to get back onto the path, although i almost always let the flow take me where it will.
Perhaps this slight stray from my normal course is in the plan, and it's meant to teach me something. Not the ex/gf breakup thing, but the other girl, the one who wants me but i really don't. What will this teach me? What will it show me, about myself, and others? What will it help me do?
So many questions! Too bad there's noone I can ask, noone I can call for a quick fix. These issues aren't quickly patched, though, with a little plaster or nail-hole filler. No, these can be full replace-the-drywall jobs, because afterwards, you come out a bit newer, a bit stronger. And they're things you need to ultimately do yourself, with no free Home Depot course to show you the way. But in the big picture of life, this will probably be just a tiny bump in the road, an experience that if nothing else taught me a little bit more about who I am.
Fuck - it feels like the SLC experience took my soul and amplified it by a thousand times, like someone unscrewed a tiny christmas light from it and rammed in a concert-grade spotlight. This whole summer has brought me back so much to myself, and reminded me of who I was. While dating my ex girlfriend I lost a bit of that - let myself forget who i was, in a way. I'm glad it's back.
Damn... i should stop writing! I know you're saddened, reader, but today's a big day! This afternoon is our company picnic, which i had the pleasure of planning myself. This requires a bit of coordination - as there are about 130 people showing up - so I should go tend to that, and other errands I must run. Until we speak again, have a wonderful Saturday filled with smiles.
The goat's back, fueled by some lovely General Mills cereal tastiness, and by an extreme lack of sleep! Not only that, i'm rockin at fucking eight in the morning on a Saturday (when I really ought to be sleeping) jamming out to one of my mix CDs. It's seriously all about mixing up songs, dude. While i've made better mixes, i like this particular one since it takes the listener (me, mostly - although the Lobster, i know, has the disc as well) on a bit of ride. Not necessarily the cliched "emotional rollercoaster" but a simple journey, if nothing else. It's definately traveling music - music for the nights where the call of the road is simply to strong to ignore, the fragrance of the air simply too rich to withstand, the song of night simply too sweet to resist.
Songs I Adore, Volume 1
The Smashing Pumpkins - The Everlasting Gaze
Rush - Vapor Trail
The Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love
Live - Run to the Water
Radiohead - Let Down
Dave Matthews Band - Lie In Our Graves
Dave Matthews Band - Where are you Going
David Gray - Say Hello Wave Goodbye
Afro Celt Sound System - Persistence of Memory
Radiohead - Lucky
Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien
Loreena McKennitt - Night Ride Across the Caucasus
Dave Matthews Band - Grace is Gone
Apocalyptica - Oh Holy Night
I do that on almost all of my mixes, aside from discs used for spin class or other exercising - and parties. If i can successfully turn the action of basic listening and enjoyment of the songs into a journey through the listener's life and ultimately inner self, I feel like, well, it's a kick-ass mix.
This one will no doubt take me on a nice, well-needed journey this morning.
I feel like the past few weeks have been so fucking messed up. I talked with my close friend the Lobster the other day, and I more or less said, dude, my chi has done a complete 180. From parting ways with my girlfriend to meeting a local girl that is really grooving on me to being away from some pretty important people in my life, things have been crazy.
My ex girlfriend and I were together for over six months, and although we didn't do a whole lot ... on a few levels ... that's a substantial chunk of time. One invests a lot into a relationship, especially one that you're continuously trying to salvage, so when it ended i was left feeling a bit empty. The best way I could describe the feeling was like getting off of a plane, alone, that you thought was bound for someplace you know - let's say SLC,- but end up in some cracked-out place like Tahiti. While Tahiti would be pretty sweet, all things considered, it's no SLC. Likely devoid of such familar things like statues of the angel Moroni and Wal-Marts, it would offer all sorts of new experiences. However, you're by yourself.
Then, while dealing with the adjustment of being single, bam! Nic and Nicole take it upon themselves to try and set me up with this friend of theirs, not a few days after the breakup. I have to hand it to them, i suppose, for thinking of me and trying to find me someone, but this one just isn't my dig, to put it right out there. She's fun, don't get me wrong, but having a friend one can go out with once and awhile is one thing, but a relationship is a whole 'nother bear, reader. The situation is a bit more complicated, too, because she's so awfully into me. Like, to the point of being possessive of me when we're out on the town. One of the servers at the restaurant/bar we dropped into last night was digging on me, too, and was flirting like it was going out of style. To be true, she actually really offended me by making fun of my name (i'm sure she thought it was playful, given the context of everything else, but dude.... that's not cool, man), but that's not the primary point. The deal is, man, she was being a total spaz about this. And goat's aren't generally used to that. Alas, the furry creatures are used to people trusting them, for they're fairly placid creatures. They may bleat occasionally if annoyed or provoked, but most of the time they simply keep to themselves, muching on tin cans and shoelaces and such.
So when said girl starts raising concerns about how many girl friends i have, i'm just like, whoa. Yes, i admit, a good portion of my friends are girls - perhaps more than half - but what's wrong with that? I guess it befuddles me that someone wouldn't trust me. Of course, on the flip side, i've caught lots of shit from some friends and family for being too trusting myself, so maybe this is an all-around issue: thinking that people are inherently good, pure, and trusting. The older and older i get, the more i realise that's not the complete truth, and it doesn't piss me off - it disappoints me.
Plus, she's older than me. While being older isn't a big deal, sometimes, she's old enough that there's a big difference in what we've both experienced in life. Hers has been way more wild than mine, mostly the "bad" side of wild, and mine has been nothing short of, well, good. I've had my share of ups and downs - the Black Summer of 2002, for example, and some interesting childhood memories from back at that thar mo-bile home park i grew up in - but when i look back on my life, it's been lots of fun, and for the most part, good.
I could go on and on about why her and I simpy wouldn't work in the long term, but even before all that stuff lies a basic, important fact: I just don't feel the same way about her that she does for me. With her I've never felt that deep, resonant click of a new connection. That's important to me! Perhaps i'm a bit weird, but that's something that I look for. I'm a bit of a believer in connections and this nebulous thing I call "the path" or "the flow." If something isn't in the path, or the flow of things, it can register a bit negatively. Because deep down I know it's not meant to be, for some reason. That doesn't necessarily mean we can't learn from experiences or take some positives away from the messes we deal with from time to time, but the real stuff, the true stuff - I know deep-down if it's mean to be, and if it's not, I'll move along, along the path.
Sometimes, though, the path gets blocked and you need to take a detour. With not much effort I can look back with impeccable hindsight and see where I veered off course. There are times where this is almost necessary - required if for no other reason than to keep your sanity. However, there are just as many times where veering off course isn't the best idea, and you know it when you do it. Right now, i'm struggling a bit to get back onto the path, although i almost always let the flow take me where it will.
Perhaps this slight stray from my normal course is in the plan, and it's meant to teach me something. Not the ex/gf breakup thing, but the other girl, the one who wants me but i really don't. What will this teach me? What will it show me, about myself, and others? What will it help me do?
So many questions! Too bad there's noone I can ask, noone I can call for a quick fix. These issues aren't quickly patched, though, with a little plaster or nail-hole filler. No, these can be full replace-the-drywall jobs, because afterwards, you come out a bit newer, a bit stronger. And they're things you need to ultimately do yourself, with no free Home Depot course to show you the way. But in the big picture of life, this will probably be just a tiny bump in the road, an experience that if nothing else taught me a little bit more about who I am.
Fuck - it feels like the SLC experience took my soul and amplified it by a thousand times, like someone unscrewed a tiny christmas light from it and rammed in a concert-grade spotlight. This whole summer has brought me back so much to myself, and reminded me of who I was. While dating my ex girlfriend I lost a bit of that - let myself forget who i was, in a way. I'm glad it's back.
Damn... i should stop writing! I know you're saddened, reader, but today's a big day! This afternoon is our company picnic, which i had the pleasure of planning myself. This requires a bit of coordination - as there are about 130 people showing up - so I should go tend to that, and other errands I must run. Until we speak again, have a wonderful Saturday filled with smiles.
I'm seriously going to come back and write this morning... because I need to, but... yeah, ah, i'm fucking starving. Let me go quickly pound down some honey nut cheerios, the mother of all cereals, and then come back. Goats write better after being fed their breakfast. :) They also can get awfully creative (ie "special") when running on a bit of sleep deprivation, which is the case right now - so I'll divulge my latest happenings soon, perhaps in a fairly creative and interesting way. Or not. Either way, i'm comin' back!
7.18.2004
Wow... so i might be a new homeowner within a day or two! I put in an offer today for a home in Mandan, ND; a nice 4-bedroom, 1 and 3/4 bath unit complete with fairly-new Frigidaire Gallery appliances and a whirlpool bathtub (boo-ya! hehe). Built in 1995 and topping out at an amazing 2260 square feet, it ought to be quite the nice Goat pad.
Not to mention it has vaulted cielings and a two-stall garage. Hells yeah!
You have no idea how nervous i am. This is insanity, pure and true.
Hope you sleep well tonight! Who knows if i will... :)
Not to mention it has vaulted cielings and a two-stall garage. Hells yeah!
You have no idea how nervous i am. This is insanity, pure and true.
Hope you sleep well tonight! Who knows if i will... :)
7.17.2004
After reading those song lyrics, So Many Roads, that's really all i want, man - the road that takes me home. The road that takes me to my core, to the center of who i am and what i will be, what i can become. The road that takes me to the one I love, the true girl that loves me - the road to the girl that I can learn from and live life with and that will be my inspiration to be something better, to be someone greater than myself, yet still myself, a basic extension, or extrapolation of what i can be.
I want to find a road to the future. A road that leads me back home, to the home I always knew existed, and do know exists - the home within my self, my spirit, my special place. My cave, if you will (for those Fight Club junkies) - and there i shall find my power animal. That animal isn't a penguin, but a Goat, myself, really - yet still a penguin. A pineapple-loving penguin who has fur and bleats and loves Killian's Irish Red and loves spending time with friends and has a soft spot for nice, fun girls ... that also feeds off the engery of an array of exciting things like concerts and long-distance-yet-somehow-oddly-transcendant connections.
I want to find that road home. How can I? How can I be courageous enough to tune into what I know is myself? How can I leap from the diving board into the absolute unknown, and take an ultimate risk, all the while knowing what the outcome will be - pure success. How can I make that choice? The choice to drive towards happiness, to take exit 1-A, the exit that will indeed lead me to love, contentment, understanding - fuckin' learning and growth, man - when I don't know what the road entails? Or how to even find exit 1-A, for Christ's sake. I don't know where it is, and i know there's no map to guide me.
I must really become my own cartographer, a peice of paper upon which I can chart my course. But it's so awfully hard picking up the pen. It becomes even harder knowing exactly what to draw, what exact course you must illustrate.
All i ask for is the courage to find my road home.
Sleep well tonight, and dream of that special person you love, the person who's captivated your heart - the person you see at night, the one you connect with in the night, subconsciously, reaching out, seeking that road... the one that leads home.
I want to find a road to the future. A road that leads me back home, to the home I always knew existed, and do know exists - the home within my self, my spirit, my special place. My cave, if you will (for those Fight Club junkies) - and there i shall find my power animal. That animal isn't a penguin, but a Goat, myself, really - yet still a penguin. A pineapple-loving penguin who has fur and bleats and loves Killian's Irish Red and loves spending time with friends and has a soft spot for nice, fun girls ... that also feeds off the engery of an array of exciting things like concerts and long-distance-yet-somehow-oddly-transcendant connections.
I want to find that road home. How can I? How can I be courageous enough to tune into what I know is myself? How can I leap from the diving board into the absolute unknown, and take an ultimate risk, all the while knowing what the outcome will be - pure success. How can I make that choice? The choice to drive towards happiness, to take exit 1-A, the exit that will indeed lead me to love, contentment, understanding - fuckin' learning and growth, man - when I don't know what the road entails? Or how to even find exit 1-A, for Christ's sake. I don't know where it is, and i know there's no map to guide me.
I must really become my own cartographer, a peice of paper upon which I can chart my course. But it's so awfully hard picking up the pen. It becomes even harder knowing exactly what to draw, what exact course you must illustrate.
All i ask for is the courage to find my road home.
Sleep well tonight, and dream of that special person you love, the person who's captivated your heart - the person you see at night, the one you connect with in the night, subconsciously, reaching out, seeking that road... the one that leads home.
7.16.2004
Yeah... i know, song lyrics posted as blog entries can be somewhat lame, but hey - it's a cool song! Aren't they all? :) But for me to post lyrics it really does have to be a special tune. Check it out.
Back to work with me! Peace.
The Grateful Dead - So Many Roads
Thought I heard a blackbird singin'
up on Bluebird Hill
Call me a whinin' boy if you will
Born where the sun don't shine
and I don't deny my name
Got no place to go, ain't that a shame?
Thought I heard that KC whistle
moanin' sweet & low
Thought I heard that KC when she blow
Down where the sun don't shine
Underneath the Kokomo
Whinin' boy -- got no place else to go
So many roads I tell you
So many roads I know
So many roads --
so many roads --
Mountain high, river wide
So many roads to ride
So many roads
So many roads
Thought I heard a jug band playin
'"If you don't -- who else will?"
from over on the far side of the hill
All I know the sun don't shine,
the rain refuse to fall
and you don't seem to hear me when I call
Wind inside & the wind outside
Tangled in the window blind
Tell me why you treat me so unkind
Down where the sun don't shine
Lonely and I call your name
No place left to go, ain't that a shame?
So many roads I tell you
New York to San Francisco
All I want is one to take me home
From the high road to the low
So many roads I know
So many roads - So many roads
From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow'
long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul
Back to work with me! Peace.
The Grateful Dead - So Many Roads
Thought I heard a blackbird singin'
up on Bluebird Hill
Call me a whinin' boy if you will
Born where the sun don't shine
and I don't deny my name
Got no place to go, ain't that a shame?
Thought I heard that KC whistle
moanin' sweet & low
Thought I heard that KC when she blow
Down where the sun don't shine
Underneath the Kokomo
Whinin' boy -- got no place else to go
So many roads I tell you
So many roads I know
So many roads --
so many roads --
Mountain high, river wide
So many roads to ride
So many roads
So many roads
Thought I heard a jug band playin
'"If you don't -- who else will?"
from over on the far side of the hill
All I know the sun don't shine,
the rain refuse to fall
and you don't seem to hear me when I call
Wind inside & the wind outside
Tangled in the window blind
Tell me why you treat me so unkind
Down where the sun don't shine
Lonely and I call your name
No place left to go, ain't that a shame?
So many roads I tell you
New York to San Francisco
All I want is one to take me home
From the high road to the low
So many roads I know
So many roads - So many roads
From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow'
long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul
7.15.2004
What the hell... i didn't even finish telling you what i did tonight! I'm so scatterbrained lately it's ridiculous.
After writing a letter - there's one more to go - i took a break and called Dustin (hey, my hand was tired!), and spoke to him for about an hour. Then, out of the blue, my cell rang and delivered me a cool suprise - a call from Kris! We shot the breeze for about half an hour, which was awesome, talking about all sorts of things, as we normally do. Unfortunately we don't get to talk a whole lot, but when we do chat - via email or otherwise - it totally kicks ass.
Then, after meandering upstars to fold the everfucking laundry, i found myself here, blogging away, staying up till the wee hours, past my bedtime, creating. Ain't life grand?
Time for me to sleep. And you, too. Dream well, and keep smilin'.
After writing a letter - there's one more to go - i took a break and called Dustin (hey, my hand was tired!), and spoke to him for about an hour. Then, out of the blue, my cell rang and delivered me a cool suprise - a call from Kris! We shot the breeze for about half an hour, which was awesome, talking about all sorts of things, as we normally do. Unfortunately we don't get to talk a whole lot, but when we do chat - via email or otherwise - it totally kicks ass.
Then, after meandering upstars to fold the everfucking laundry, i found myself here, blogging away, staying up till the wee hours, past my bedtime, creating. Ain't life grand?
Time for me to sleep. And you, too. Dream well, and keep smilin'.
Tonight has kicked quite a bit of ass. Although i worked for some insane length of time on a speech-enabled GPS data collection application at the office today, I came home and cooked, first off. Mind you, it wasn't some wicked five-course italian extravaganza, but it was still good (frozen ravioli with a nice tomato cream sauce). And i just love to cook; it's almost like cycling, jogging - and sometimes programming: I get into the zone and let myself go, submitting entirely to the whims of creation. Be it creating code, the written word (arguably a bit more renaissance than C# or Perl or something), or even a sleeker, sexier Goat via delectable bits of Spinning, jogging, or mountain biking, it's all a fucking trip.
After my adventure in the kitchen, i decided it was high time to write some letters. Lately i've been feeling this intense push to write, simply to fucking write anything - hence this post tonight. The SLC trip somehow lit a firecracker and shoved it up my goat-ass; ever since coming back i've had this mad jones to create like a complete tweaker.
(Incidentally this is probably related to the fact that Zan and I talked a lot about writing, making me go "wait, I used to do that once, didn't I?" and something about Kris that just makes me think of her as my (or a) Muse, it's ... an unfamiliar yet completely awesome feeling, something totally new and out of the blue ... but that's another discussion for another time.)
But have I written my ass off, like a crazed goat with a firecracker shoved in that "special place"? Alas, no. The reasons for that I'm sure are multifold, but the first one that comes to mind is the age-old excuse of "I've been working too much." There's a bit of truth to the argument, but it only holds so much weight, when you strip off all the layers of bullshit and look at it for what it is.
I've really had the time - it's simply been allocated to other matters. I've actually spent a fair amount of time with friends this week, both in person and in other ways, such as phone and email. I've talked with both Zan and Kris, as well as Dustin, and Brad, and Meri. And i've had the pleasure of seeing both of the Nics. Perhaps i've kept in contact more because I broke up with my girlfriend this past Sunday, but her and I generally didn't keep in close contact during the week simply due to our divergent work schedules. In other words, I reckon she ain't the cause.
Whatever the cause may be, it hauls to be in touch with my crew. They really are the center of who I am - besides who I uniquely am, of course - from people on the social periphery to those on the geographic sidelines, to those close spiritually, to those close physically. Dude, like down the street physical, not like Barry White physical, come on, mind out of the gutter, reader!
Anyways, so i've been spending some time keeping connected. This rocks. Alas, it's taken some time away from me that could have been spent writing. One's got to cut their losses somewhere, though, I suppose. If you're presented with a tremendous King Arthur-style buffet table full of all sorts of tasties, like tiramisu, Killian's, Guinness, Jagermeister, coconut cream pie, and smoked salmon, what in the world would you pick? They all rock, and sometimes you just have to pick one.
The world is your burrito; it's your choice whether you seize the beans or the cheese.
Okay, i have no idea what the fuck i just said.
Maybe that's my cue to hit the sack. Hopefully this made some sense tonight; this post was a bit more inwardly-reflective of others and seemed to, i dunno, come from somewhere else than the others - so hopefully it didn't totally blow. I'll cross my fingers and hope. Either way, I wish you, reader, a pleasant Thursday night. May it be everything you expected, and more.
After my adventure in the kitchen, i decided it was high time to write some letters. Lately i've been feeling this intense push to write, simply to fucking write anything - hence this post tonight. The SLC trip somehow lit a firecracker and shoved it up my goat-ass; ever since coming back i've had this mad jones to create like a complete tweaker.
(Incidentally this is probably related to the fact that Zan and I talked a lot about writing, making me go "wait, I used to do that once, didn't I?" and something about Kris that just makes me think of her as my (or a) Muse, it's ... an unfamiliar yet completely awesome feeling, something totally new and out of the blue ... but that's another discussion for another time.)
But have I written my ass off, like a crazed goat with a firecracker shoved in that "special place"? Alas, no. The reasons for that I'm sure are multifold, but the first one that comes to mind is the age-old excuse of "I've been working too much." There's a bit of truth to the argument, but it only holds so much weight, when you strip off all the layers of bullshit and look at it for what it is.
I've really had the time - it's simply been allocated to other matters. I've actually spent a fair amount of time with friends this week, both in person and in other ways, such as phone and email. I've talked with both Zan and Kris, as well as Dustin, and Brad, and Meri. And i've had the pleasure of seeing both of the Nics. Perhaps i've kept in contact more because I broke up with my girlfriend this past Sunday, but her and I generally didn't keep in close contact during the week simply due to our divergent work schedules. In other words, I reckon she ain't the cause.
Whatever the cause may be, it hauls to be in touch with my crew. They really are the center of who I am - besides who I uniquely am, of course - from people on the social periphery to those on the geographic sidelines, to those close spiritually, to those close physically. Dude, like down the street physical, not like Barry White physical, come on, mind out of the gutter, reader!
Anyways, so i've been spending some time keeping connected. This rocks. Alas, it's taken some time away from me that could have been spent writing. One's got to cut their losses somewhere, though, I suppose. If you're presented with a tremendous King Arthur-style buffet table full of all sorts of tasties, like tiramisu, Killian's, Guinness, Jagermeister, coconut cream pie, and smoked salmon, what in the world would you pick? They all rock, and sometimes you just have to pick one.
The world is your burrito; it's your choice whether you seize the beans or the cheese.
Okay, i have no idea what the fuck i just said.
Maybe that's my cue to hit the sack. Hopefully this made some sense tonight; this post was a bit more inwardly-reflective of others and seemed to, i dunno, come from somewhere else than the others - so hopefully it didn't totally blow. I'll cross my fingers and hope. Either way, I wish you, reader, a pleasant Thursday night. May it be everything you expected, and more.
7.13.2004
Hola, reader. I'm just on my way to bed here (it's far too late past my bedtime!) but I felt it prudent to pop in and, if nothing else, wish ya'll a mighty-fine day tomorrow - i reckon it'll be a spittin' good time.
k... i'll cut the hick thing, hehe. :) My luck, i'd dream of being on the farm all night or something. While appropriate given my barnyard-animal status (Goat), i'd rather dream of other things, like fast cars, girls, and concerts. Or hell, all three!
Rest assured, though, I'll likely have a wonderful night either way. And i hope you do too, reader. Dream some happy dreams and have a joyous Wednesday.
k... i'll cut the hick thing, hehe. :) My luck, i'd dream of being on the farm all night or something. While appropriate given my barnyard-animal status (Goat), i'd rather dream of other things, like fast cars, girls, and concerts. Or hell, all three!
Rest assured, though, I'll likely have a wonderful night either way. And i hope you do too, reader. Dream some happy dreams and have a joyous Wednesday.
7.11.2004
7.06.2004
From 6/29/04, in Provo, UT:
This place, this experience, is raw, surreal, almost holy. Intensely spiritual. The past few days have been an incredible journey of self-exploration and simple outward exploration, a mesh of environment and spirit. And for me, that’s powerful stuff – this is a place that’s brought me back to really who I am and where I’ve come from.
Utah stands unique among the places I’ve visited in that it’s truly a middle ground; in between the two facets of me – Bismarck Goat and California Goat – this place lies. During my entire time here this feeling has pervaded almost all of my reflective thought, but it never really came to the surface until yesterday.
Realizing that this place serves as a balancing point in my life came to me in an awfully anticlimactic way. See, like most of metropolitan America, this region is interspersed with a dash of corporate commercialism; you have your garden-variety assortment of Best Buys, Circuit Cities, Targets, Wal-Marts, and Burger Kings. This smattering of stores isn’t alone what helped me to understand the power and allure of this place, however, but just one store in particular – Big 5. In Eureka, it was one of our largest sporting goods retailers, so it was a familiar sight to me when I glimpsed it on our way to Evergreen’s, a vegan Chinese restaurant up the road in Salt Lake.
For some strange reason, simply seeing this store – and a variety of others common in Bismarck and Fargo – made me think of both my homes at the same time. It wasn’t one right after the other, but in exact harmony, a bizarre synthesis of the two – but it felt right. That’s the way this place feels to me. In many ways, on many levels, it seems natural and easy. There’s been little adjustment needed, and this city – large as it is – feels a lot like any small town you’ve ever visited.
Perhaps that’s because both Bismarck and Eureka are truly small towns. While the outlying areas contribute some extra population and feed the regions’ collective energies, they still capture the essence of the quintessential small town, where traffic lights begin to blink before midnight and local television stations still sign off after the news, American flag waving in the last artificial light of the day.
While I’ve yet to see any flashing stop lights and haven’t watched any television (and trust me, I’ve been up late these past days!), this place still feels like it could be Bismarck, or Eureka, or fucking Mott, North Dakota, for all intensive purposes. There’s a lot of connection with nature – what I feel is the true essence of small-town Americana – and that’s added immeasurable energy and quality to this experience.
This place feels like my home. Among all the things that have made me take a step back in amazement – hell, simply hanging out with Kris and Zan – the idea that this place is so naturally mine is wild, just absolutely off the hook. In only a few days it’s opened my eyes to the fact that Bismarck may not be my final resting place, that there’s plenty of other places in this world I could call home and feel at home, be at home.
Here I can eat at the Village Inn, fill gas at Tesoro, and buy frolf discs at Big 5. But it’s unique enough that I can eat vegan Chinese food with a group of absolutely amazing people, something I just can’t do anywhere else. And right now, that means everything.
This place, this experience, is raw, surreal, almost holy. Intensely spiritual. The past few days have been an incredible journey of self-exploration and simple outward exploration, a mesh of environment and spirit. And for me, that’s powerful stuff – this is a place that’s brought me back to really who I am and where I’ve come from.
Utah stands unique among the places I’ve visited in that it’s truly a middle ground; in between the two facets of me – Bismarck Goat and California Goat – this place lies. During my entire time here this feeling has pervaded almost all of my reflective thought, but it never really came to the surface until yesterday.
Realizing that this place serves as a balancing point in my life came to me in an awfully anticlimactic way. See, like most of metropolitan America, this region is interspersed with a dash of corporate commercialism; you have your garden-variety assortment of Best Buys, Circuit Cities, Targets, Wal-Marts, and Burger Kings. This smattering of stores isn’t alone what helped me to understand the power and allure of this place, however, but just one store in particular – Big 5. In Eureka, it was one of our largest sporting goods retailers, so it was a familiar sight to me when I glimpsed it on our way to Evergreen’s, a vegan Chinese restaurant up the road in Salt Lake.
For some strange reason, simply seeing this store – and a variety of others common in Bismarck and Fargo – made me think of both my homes at the same time. It wasn’t one right after the other, but in exact harmony, a bizarre synthesis of the two – but it felt right. That’s the way this place feels to me. In many ways, on many levels, it seems natural and easy. There’s been little adjustment needed, and this city – large as it is – feels a lot like any small town you’ve ever visited.
Perhaps that’s because both Bismarck and Eureka are truly small towns. While the outlying areas contribute some extra population and feed the regions’ collective energies, they still capture the essence of the quintessential small town, where traffic lights begin to blink before midnight and local television stations still sign off after the news, American flag waving in the last artificial light of the day.
While I’ve yet to see any flashing stop lights and haven’t watched any television (and trust me, I’ve been up late these past days!), this place still feels like it could be Bismarck, or Eureka, or fucking Mott, North Dakota, for all intensive purposes. There’s a lot of connection with nature – what I feel is the true essence of small-town Americana – and that’s added immeasurable energy and quality to this experience.
This place feels like my home. Among all the things that have made me take a step back in amazement – hell, simply hanging out with Kris and Zan – the idea that this place is so naturally mine is wild, just absolutely off the hook. In only a few days it’s opened my eyes to the fact that Bismarck may not be my final resting place, that there’s plenty of other places in this world I could call home and feel at home, be at home.
Here I can eat at the Village Inn, fill gas at Tesoro, and buy frolf discs at Big 5. But it’s unique enough that I can eat vegan Chinese food with a group of absolutely amazing people, something I just can’t do anywhere else. And right now, that means everything.
7.03.2004
Good morning, folks. I guess it's technically morning, that is, but for me, it's still night I suppose. Either way, I hope it's good for ya. :)
I just got back from kicking it with Pink, Brianne, Becky, Cody, Jen, and some other peeps - after hanging with the girl for awhile. All in all both experiences were pretty rad, but i'm sure i could elaborate on them for hours should i choose to give into a desire to chat. Alas, i'm somewhat zonked, so it's likely best I just hit the sack.
What I did want to make light of was this: back in the summer of 2002 (to some of you, the infamous "Black Summer" - if you, reader, are privy to certain details you'll know why this summer is aptly labled as such...) i wrote a short autobiography in a half-assed attempt to explain myself better on my website (you'll see a link to it on the left hand side of this page).
Well, number one, dude: not to put myself on a pedestal, since that's not the idear, but i'm a bit more complex than i thought, and two or three pages sooo doesn't cut it for a bio. Two: It's old. Three: I feel like i need to write, especially after my little SLC trip this past week. I can't explain this strange sense of immediacy, but it's there - and strong.
So i reckon i shall write. Perhaps tomorrow after getting up, scoring some breakfast, and lifting - or even in between - i'll start rewriting the bio. This should be a hell of an interesting experience, i think, if i go at it with some determination and drive. And get this - since you're reading this journal, you must inherently kick lots of ass; you so get first dibs on it, dude, when it's done.
Now, don't get too excited... :)
Until then, reader, have a wonderful rest of the night if you are still awake, and have some splendid dreams tonight. Preferably ones of those that matter the most, the kind that let you wake with smiles.
I just got back from kicking it with Pink, Brianne, Becky, Cody, Jen, and some other peeps - after hanging with the girl for awhile. All in all both experiences were pretty rad, but i'm sure i could elaborate on them for hours should i choose to give into a desire to chat. Alas, i'm somewhat zonked, so it's likely best I just hit the sack.
What I did want to make light of was this: back in the summer of 2002 (to some of you, the infamous "Black Summer" - if you, reader, are privy to certain details you'll know why this summer is aptly labled as such...) i wrote a short autobiography in a half-assed attempt to explain myself better on my website (you'll see a link to it on the left hand side of this page).
Well, number one, dude: not to put myself on a pedestal, since that's not the idear, but i'm a bit more complex than i thought, and two or three pages sooo doesn't cut it for a bio. Two: It's old. Three: I feel like i need to write, especially after my little SLC trip this past week. I can't explain this strange sense of immediacy, but it's there - and strong.
So i reckon i shall write. Perhaps tomorrow after getting up, scoring some breakfast, and lifting - or even in between - i'll start rewriting the bio. This should be a hell of an interesting experience, i think, if i go at it with some determination and drive. And get this - since you're reading this journal, you must inherently kick lots of ass; you so get first dibs on it, dude, when it's done.
Now, don't get too excited... :)
Until then, reader, have a wonderful rest of the night if you are still awake, and have some splendid dreams tonight. Preferably ones of those that matter the most, the kind that let you wake with smiles.
7.02.2004
Hey, punkers!
I'm just on my way out for the night; to grab dinner with my girl (Elizabeth, mind ya ... been together for what, like ... holy fuck, six months on the fourth of july here, wow) over at her place, hang out, and then eventually meet up with Pink and Brianne and possibly some other folk later on. If you, reader, should happen to find yourself in bismarck and awfully bored, give me a shout-out on my cell. I'd love to see you.
And if you're not in bismarck... get yo ass here! :)
I'll pop in eventually here, when i get a good chance, to tell ya'll about the absofuckinglutely amazing trip Pink and I just took to SLC, the two rush concerts we saw (yeah - TWO!), and all about kicking it with kris and zan, which was totally awesome.
Until then, reader, have a pleasant evening. Enjoy this gorgeous summer night, and if you see any fireworks just let your mind wander... let yourself be humbled a bit by their erratic and dangerous beauty, and let them remind you of all those fun times as a kid, sitting by the water, enthralled at the sights, the sounds, the experience of being alive.
I'm just on my way out for the night; to grab dinner with my girl (Elizabeth, mind ya ... been together for what, like ... holy fuck, six months on the fourth of july here, wow) over at her place, hang out, and then eventually meet up with Pink and Brianne and possibly some other folk later on. If you, reader, should happen to find yourself in bismarck and awfully bored, give me a shout-out on my cell. I'd love to see you.
And if you're not in bismarck... get yo ass here! :)
I'll pop in eventually here, when i get a good chance, to tell ya'll about the absofuckinglutely amazing trip Pink and I just took to SLC, the two rush concerts we saw (yeah - TWO!), and all about kicking it with kris and zan, which was totally awesome.
Until then, reader, have a pleasant evening. Enjoy this gorgeous summer night, and if you see any fireworks just let your mind wander... let yourself be humbled a bit by their erratic and dangerous beauty, and let them remind you of all those fun times as a kid, sitting by the water, enthralled at the sights, the sounds, the experience of being alive.
6.17.2004
Ah... almost time for bed. But I thought, well, whilst my hair dries, i may as well try to write something, since it's been far too long. Interestingly enough, Blogger has changed their interface yet again since i've been gone, but that likely happened months ago. I've just fallen off the face of the earth lately, and it sucks. Alas.
Have a pleasant Friday, reader, and sorry for the lapse in writing. Shame on me for being such a horrible provider of juicy content!
Anyways, here's the goods. Peace out.
Thursday Night Americana
6/17/04
I feel coolness on my neck, this black night
Were you here next to me I’d give it to you –
Take the black and fragrant silent stillness that envelopes
The love I see, and let paint a landscape
A simple plateau of shallow misunderstanding and aimless doubt
Sleeping under eternal starlight
Your very own painting!
One to hang in the halls of your hindsight
A tiny red thread
Tied on your finger
Reminding you of what you could have had
Of the sunrise you could have seen
Next to me
Have a pleasant Friday, reader, and sorry for the lapse in writing. Shame on me for being such a horrible provider of juicy content!
Anyways, here's the goods. Peace out.
Thursday Night Americana
6/17/04
I feel coolness on my neck, this black night
Were you here next to me I’d give it to you –
Take the black and fragrant silent stillness that envelopes
The love I see, and let paint a landscape
A simple plateau of shallow misunderstanding and aimless doubt
Sleeping under eternal starlight
Your very own painting!
One to hang in the halls of your hindsight
A tiny red thread
Tied on your finger
Reminding you of what you could have had
Of the sunrise you could have seen
Next to me
3.23.2004
Song of the Afternoon - Sunny Day Real Estate - 100 Million
pay for the sign on the hill that says 'you're home'
pay for the hole in the ground to place your bones
pay for the words in your mouth to flow
pay for the sales of your shoes to walk the streets of kings
pay for the simplest things
pay for the food on your plate to live
pay for the mood in your mind to give a thought disguised
pay for the simplest things
who turned
who turned the light out
who turned
who turned away
one hundred million
fences around us
can we own everything
including the moon and the sun and the stars?
pay for the whip on your back to break
pay for the chain on your neck to control your life
pay for everything
pay for the sign on the hill that says 'you're home'
pay for the hole in the ground to place your bones
pay for the words in your mouth to flow
pay for the sales of your shoes to walk the streets of kings
pay for the simplest things
pay for the food on your plate to live
pay for the mood in your mind to give a thought disguised
pay for the simplest things
who turned
who turned the light out
who turned
who turned away
one hundred million
fences around us
can we own everything
including the moon and the sun and the stars?
pay for the whip on your back to break
pay for the chain on your neck to control your life
pay for everything
3.04.2004
2.12.2004
I am quickly becoming a c# network programming god. Yay me! I just fixed a bug i've been messing with for about two hours now, so boo-ya!
Sorry bout the lack of updates lately. Work's been nuts, and this girlfriend of mine takes quite a bit of my time too... but as far as i'm concerned she can take all the time she wants. :) She kicks ass.
One of these days i'll fill you in, reader, on the happenings of late. Until then, have a pleasant week.
Sorry bout the lack of updates lately. Work's been nuts, and this girlfriend of mine takes quite a bit of my time too... but as far as i'm concerned she can take all the time she wants. :) She kicks ass.
One of these days i'll fill you in, reader, on the happenings of late. Until then, have a pleasant week.
1.26.2004
Hola!
I'll probably be keeping this one short, reader, but nonetheless, figured I'd quick pop in and post a little bit. The weekend was pretty rad, overall. Turns out that Elizabeth was pretty tired friday night from work and whatnot, so she gracefully bowed out, but we hung out saturday and watched Stigmata, which was a blast. And sunday she ended up having family over for dinner... but nonetheless we spent some time shooting the breeze on the phone, which is fun too. Later on that night i headed over to brianne's place, and i had a really fun time there, too. Nice and relaxing - just what i needed, to be in a great environment in the company of a good friend.
Which leads us, reader, onto today. Work went suprisingly fast, and was broken up by two things - a trip back home to let an MDU service lackey into the house to change my gas meter (joy...), and a nice email from Elizabeth, which made for a pleasant afternoon suprise. Her and I then hung out tonight for a little bit and ended up (again) having a nice, fun time. In some ways the funnest night of them all so far. :)
Alas, it's almost 9:30, and i'm getting tired. Inwardly I think this is pretty pathetic for someone still 22 years old, but what the hell, if nothing else i can (hopefully) get into the office a bit earlier tomorrow and get started on some feverish application design work. Sleep well, reader, and dream of pleasant and incredible things, like the look in her eyes after your first kiss.
I'll probably be keeping this one short, reader, but nonetheless, figured I'd quick pop in and post a little bit. The weekend was pretty rad, overall. Turns out that Elizabeth was pretty tired friday night from work and whatnot, so she gracefully bowed out, but we hung out saturday and watched Stigmata, which was a blast. And sunday she ended up having family over for dinner... but nonetheless we spent some time shooting the breeze on the phone, which is fun too. Later on that night i headed over to brianne's place, and i had a really fun time there, too. Nice and relaxing - just what i needed, to be in a great environment in the company of a good friend.
Which leads us, reader, onto today. Work went suprisingly fast, and was broken up by two things - a trip back home to let an MDU service lackey into the house to change my gas meter (joy...), and a nice email from Elizabeth, which made for a pleasant afternoon suprise. Her and I then hung out tonight for a little bit and ended up (again) having a nice, fun time. In some ways the funnest night of them all so far. :)
Alas, it's almost 9:30, and i'm getting tired. Inwardly I think this is pretty pathetic for someone still 22 years old, but what the hell, if nothing else i can (hopefully) get into the office a bit earlier tomorrow and get started on some feverish application design work. Sleep well, reader, and dream of pleasant and incredible things, like the look in her eyes after your first kiss.
1.22.2004
Ahhh... i'm so tired, reader. Perhaps that is partly due to the insanely rich dinner I had with Elizabeth tonight at Minerva's, but such is the way of things. I again had a blast hanging out with her tonight; time just flew past, and i'm sure that had she not had to leave, we could have talked for hours. We'll be kicking it again tomorrow night, and from the looks of it this weekend as well, so i'm super-stoked. She's awesome... and purty darn cute, too, i reckon.
That being said, it's time for this 'ol goat to retire for the night. Have a great end of the week tomorrow, and stay warm.
That being said, it's time for this 'ol goat to retire for the night. Have a great end of the week tomorrow, and stay warm.
1.21.2004
Word!
I should keep this painfully short, since I've still half of Who Moved My Cheese? to read for work tomorrow, and I might try and put in at least half an hour of coding. Or try and get into the office way early, say, by six or six thirty.
I'd planned on working late, but said plans changed a bit when the girl from the date called tonight. For future purposes, let's call her Elizabeth. I figured I'd just play it cool and wait to call her until tomorrow (even though, just between you and I, reader, I did want to call her up tonight... given how good of a time I had last night!), but she ended up beating me to it. We bs'ed for awhile on the phone and agreed to go out to dinner tomorrow night. I'm totally pumped about this; she's awesome, and suprisingly easy to talk to for someone that I've just recently met. Given how hard it is usually to click with people my own age, especially girls, this kicks a lot of ass. :)
Plus, in other developments, I finally retrieved my mom's stuff from Mandan tonight! Well, almost. Her hope chest is still over there, but I reckon I can score that some other day. The important stuff is now here at my place, so that lifts a little weight off my shoulders.
Time to go read some motivating business literature! Have a pleasant Thursday, reader, and stay warm tonight. Dream sweetly.
I should keep this painfully short, since I've still half of Who Moved My Cheese? to read for work tomorrow, and I might try and put in at least half an hour of coding. Or try and get into the office way early, say, by six or six thirty.
I'd planned on working late, but said plans changed a bit when the girl from the date called tonight. For future purposes, let's call her Elizabeth. I figured I'd just play it cool and wait to call her until tomorrow (even though, just between you and I, reader, I did want to call her up tonight... given how good of a time I had last night!), but she ended up beating me to it. We bs'ed for awhile on the phone and agreed to go out to dinner tomorrow night. I'm totally pumped about this; she's awesome, and suprisingly easy to talk to for someone that I've just recently met. Given how hard it is usually to click with people my own age, especially girls, this kicks a lot of ass. :)
Plus, in other developments, I finally retrieved my mom's stuff from Mandan tonight! Well, almost. Her hope chest is still over there, but I reckon I can score that some other day. The important stuff is now here at my place, so that lifts a little weight off my shoulders.
Time to go read some motivating business literature! Have a pleasant Thursday, reader, and stay warm tonight. Dream sweetly.
1.20.2004
Today, well, kicked a lot of ass, dude. I might as well get straight away to the point and just say that the date went really good! Your friendly Goat is quite stoked, reader, that her and I hit it off so well. I was way nervous beforehand, understandably, but i think i handled myself pretty well. She did, too - as far as i could tell this was old hat to her, but she came out and admitted afterwards that she was hella nervous, too, pretty much for the whole day.
She wasn't the only one.
We never did even make it to getting coffee... we just camped out at our table and chatted away, from everything about living on your own to what we're currently doing in life to bicycling to all sorts of other stuff. I'm pretty sure that if nothing else I could end up with a pretty cool friend out of this.
On that note I bid you farewell, reader. I'm going to go do a little work here before I call it a night, and perhaps read a little Lord of the Rings, too. Have a good one.
She wasn't the only one.
We never did even make it to getting coffee... we just camped out at our table and chatted away, from everything about living on your own to what we're currently doing in life to bicycling to all sorts of other stuff. I'm pretty sure that if nothing else I could end up with a pretty cool friend out of this.
On that note I bid you farewell, reader. I'm going to go do a little work here before I call it a night, and perhaps read a little Lord of the Rings, too. Have a good one.
1.19.2004
Today was quite the standard, run-of-the-mill sort of day. However, as it turns out, the construction guys at work didn't start cutting into my building on Friday - they started today. The noise was insane; so insane, in fact, that my supervisor and I went over to his place to work during the afternoon. We went back to the office around three, but by that time they had stopped.
Tomorrow should be interesting... i'm told they'll be at this at least through tomorrow afternoon, and likely Wednesday, too.
Tomorrow shall also be even more interesting, since I'm ... *drumroll* ... going on a date! Settle down, reader - you're not the only one who thinks that's absolutely nuts, for a host of reasons. Among them, it's simply been a hell of a long time since i've been on an actual, bona-fide date - at least a good year or two. Especially one that's half-blind! This girl is the one that contacted me after seeing my little online-dating profile, you see, and she knows what I look like, but i don't know a whole lot 'bout her. From her profile it looks like we share some common interests, though - coffee, books, movies, an enjoyment of bicycling and music, and the occasional video game. That should be plenty to drive conversation for awhile whilst enjoying our coffee at B&N. I'm sure it'll be a cool time, and i'm stoked to be meeting someone new around here, that if nothing else I can hopefully add to my current group of awesome friends.
Since the last three paragraphs have begun with the letter "t", as does "tired", perhaps i should take the hint and hit the proverbial sack. Wish me luck tomorrow - the Goat reckons he could probably use a little. Sleep tight, tonight, and have a killer Tuesday, be you returning to school after the three-day weekend, or just heading back for another day at the office.
Tomorrow should be interesting... i'm told they'll be at this at least through tomorrow afternoon, and likely Wednesday, too.
Tomorrow shall also be even more interesting, since I'm ... *drumroll* ... going on a date! Settle down, reader - you're not the only one who thinks that's absolutely nuts, for a host of reasons. Among them, it's simply been a hell of a long time since i've been on an actual, bona-fide date - at least a good year or two. Especially one that's half-blind! This girl is the one that contacted me after seeing my little online-dating profile, you see, and she knows what I look like, but i don't know a whole lot 'bout her. From her profile it looks like we share some common interests, though - coffee, books, movies, an enjoyment of bicycling and music, and the occasional video game. That should be plenty to drive conversation for awhile whilst enjoying our coffee at B&N. I'm sure it'll be a cool time, and i'm stoked to be meeting someone new around here, that if nothing else I can hopefully add to my current group of awesome friends.
Since the last three paragraphs have begun with the letter "t", as does "tired", perhaps i should take the hint and hit the proverbial sack. Wish me luck tomorrow - the Goat reckons he could probably use a little. Sleep tight, tonight, and have a killer Tuesday, be you returning to school after the three-day weekend, or just heading back for another day at the office.
1.18.2004
Well, end to another weekend. Damn, that went fast.
All said and done, though, it was a pretty good weekend. It was awesome taking a few days off from the daily grind of coding ... although it's fun, one does need to keep in balance. I had a lot of fun hanging out with denise last night, and seeing steph yesterday and adam on friday was cool as always.
Today I ended up seeing my grandma for awhile, which was nice since it's been a good week or two since i've been over there. Then afterwards I trekked over to Mandan for dinner at my parents' place. My dad did a teryaki pork loin on the rotisserie with wild rice. All i had to do was throw in a Rolling Rock in for good measure, and I ended up with quite the tasty Sunday dinner.
That was about all that went down today... pretty noneventful. But, interestingly, I got a response to one of my little online dating profiles. Honestly, i thought trying that crap out was a total shot in the dark, but... dude, who could resist a profile like this? lol...
And yes, i do realise that this is likely a stupid thing, posting a link to it, since if anything it's gonna give that tool Adam free reign to blast the hell out of me for lord knows what. Alas... bring it! But hey, if i could meet some cool new people here, that would be awesome. Who knows about the actual dating part. Either way, i'll keep my options open, since that's all i can do right now.
I bid you farewell, reader, for i'm tired and the my bedtime draws ever closer. Hope your weekend was a pleasurable one, and that you're doing well and still smiling, whereever you might be. Dream sweetly tonight.
All said and done, though, it was a pretty good weekend. It was awesome taking a few days off from the daily grind of coding ... although it's fun, one does need to keep in balance. I had a lot of fun hanging out with denise last night, and seeing steph yesterday and adam on friday was cool as always.
Today I ended up seeing my grandma for awhile, which was nice since it's been a good week or two since i've been over there. Then afterwards I trekked over to Mandan for dinner at my parents' place. My dad did a teryaki pork loin on the rotisserie with wild rice. All i had to do was throw in a Rolling Rock in for good measure, and I ended up with quite the tasty Sunday dinner.
That was about all that went down today... pretty noneventful. But, interestingly, I got a response to one of my little online dating profiles. Honestly, i thought trying that crap out was a total shot in the dark, but... dude, who could resist a profile like this? lol...
And yes, i do realise that this is likely a stupid thing, posting a link to it, since if anything it's gonna give that tool Adam free reign to blast the hell out of me for lord knows what. Alas... bring it! But hey, if i could meet some cool new people here, that would be awesome. Who knows about the actual dating part. Either way, i'll keep my options open, since that's all i can do right now.
I bid you farewell, reader, for i'm tired and the my bedtime draws ever closer. Hope your weekend was a pleasurable one, and that you're doing well and still smiling, whereever you might be. Dream sweetly tonight.
Grr... i am seriously at about wit's fucking end with this mother situation of mine.
Suffice it to say that my mom isn't necessarily living here in town right now, but as it turns out she'll be moving back soon. So I'm charged with the lovely duty of running around the greater Bismarck/Mandan area to collect all her stuff that various people have stored for her - clothes, cooking equipment, things like that.
I'm in a bit of a pickle (at my mother's request, mind you) since I need to score her coat, purse, and this box of miscellaneous stuff from a friend of hers in Mandan by, ah, Tuesday at the latest. I'd hoped to do it yesterday, but said friend evidently fails to understand either A) how answering machines work or B) how to make outgoing phone calls. Thankfully I was able to get ahold of her today, but she said she'll be gone "all day today" so i won't be able to come over and get the stuff. She has to also work tomorrow, so she was iffy about tomorrow night. Bear in mind she's off at the hellishly late time of three in the afternoon... so i suggested I just score the stuff tomorrow night.
THEN, in typical fashion, she starts wigging out about this money my mom owes her, something like $250.00. She's like, well, why should I give you her stuff when she's supposed to give me my money? Jesus fucking christ... From what the friend says, I won't be able to get this stuff of my mom's until next week if we can't do it tomorrow, but if she's being all stupid and shit about this money, who the hell knows if I'll even be able to.
Argh!! She's brought this money crap up with me before, too, and like i keep telling her, dude, that's so not my issue. Besides, it's only $250.00. Big shit, man, if you don't get it right away or not... it's not the end of the world. It's not like it's $5,000 or something.
I'll cap my ranting off for now, though, and get off my goddamnit-i-hate-dealing-with-the-WT soapbox. Hope you have a rad Sunday.
Suffice it to say that my mom isn't necessarily living here in town right now, but as it turns out she'll be moving back soon. So I'm charged with the lovely duty of running around the greater Bismarck/Mandan area to collect all her stuff that various people have stored for her - clothes, cooking equipment, things like that.
I'm in a bit of a pickle (at my mother's request, mind you) since I need to score her coat, purse, and this box of miscellaneous stuff from a friend of hers in Mandan by, ah, Tuesday at the latest. I'd hoped to do it yesterday, but said friend evidently fails to understand either A) how answering machines work or B) how to make outgoing phone calls. Thankfully I was able to get ahold of her today, but she said she'll be gone "all day today" so i won't be able to come over and get the stuff. She has to also work tomorrow, so she was iffy about tomorrow night. Bear in mind she's off at the hellishly late time of three in the afternoon... so i suggested I just score the stuff tomorrow night.
THEN, in typical fashion, she starts wigging out about this money my mom owes her, something like $250.00. She's like, well, why should I give you her stuff when she's supposed to give me my money? Jesus fucking christ... From what the friend says, I won't be able to get this stuff of my mom's until next week if we can't do it tomorrow, but if she's being all stupid and shit about this money, who the hell knows if I'll even be able to.
Argh!! She's brought this money crap up with me before, too, and like i keep telling her, dude, that's so not my issue. Besides, it's only $250.00. Big shit, man, if you don't get it right away or not... it's not the end of the world. It's not like it's $5,000 or something.
I'll cap my ranting off for now, though, and get off my goddamnit-i-hate-dealing-with-the-WT soapbox. Hope you have a rad Sunday.
Ahh.... back from an evening at Sidelines and the Cove with the Coyote. Pretty damned fun i must say, and an awesome time chilling with her, since I hardly ever get to see her.
Today I did jack and shit; just messed around, cleaning house and running to the mall and stuff. I scored Pirates of the Caribbean on the "collectors edition" dvd and the new live Rush dvd, so that was sweet. And i looked at cars over at Expressway Honda too... turns out they might be getting a shipment of used Nissans from Phoenix next weekend, so i might have to see if any catch my fancy.
One new one did, a new 265hp gunmetal-grey Maxima, but it was $31,000. ouch... methinks not.
I did hang out with Steph, too, tonight - that was cool. Got to see her place finally, and caught the last half of Boondock Saints (sp?) ... which looks like a pretty rad flick. Might have to rent it sometime.
I've gotta say that Sidelines was a pretty rad place to be tonight, though. Lots of peeps my age, so who knows, maybe that's an avenue to meet some folks in this town. I'd not mind expanding my social circle here.
Since i'm honestly pretty bombed, and awfully hungry too, i think i'm gonna go rustle up some chow in this here place of mine. Then hit the sack, since i'm one hella tired Goat, too. Hope your Saturday night was a fun one, reader, and have a cozy, peaceful night.
Today I did jack and shit; just messed around, cleaning house and running to the mall and stuff. I scored Pirates of the Caribbean on the "collectors edition" dvd and the new live Rush dvd, so that was sweet. And i looked at cars over at Expressway Honda too... turns out they might be getting a shipment of used Nissans from Phoenix next weekend, so i might have to see if any catch my fancy.
One new one did, a new 265hp gunmetal-grey Maxima, but it was $31,000. ouch... methinks not.
I did hang out with Steph, too, tonight - that was cool. Got to see her place finally, and caught the last half of Boondock Saints (sp?) ... which looks like a pretty rad flick. Might have to rent it sometime.
I've gotta say that Sidelines was a pretty rad place to be tonight, though. Lots of peeps my age, so who knows, maybe that's an avenue to meet some folks in this town. I'd not mind expanding my social circle here.
Since i'm honestly pretty bombed, and awfully hungry too, i think i'm gonna go rustle up some chow in this here place of mine. Then hit the sack, since i'm one hella tired Goat, too. Hope your Saturday night was a fun one, reader, and have a cozy, peaceful night.
1.16.2004
Comments are back! Post away, you fiends.
I'm awfully tired tonight, so I'm gonna have to make this a short one. Overall, happy hour was suprisingly noneventful tonight. Didn't do much but speak politics with the old man, which makes for quite interesting times since I'm a liberal while he just loves his Fox News Channel and Rush Limbaugh. Thankfully we're civil towards each other (most of the time), so it's all good.
Afterwards, both him and cindy wanted me to head over to this new place in Mandan, called the Dog Pound... but i gracefully declined. They had $2.00 pounders, which sounded enticing, but I guess around seven or eight they start playing a buttload of rap music and all the whitehatters and other assorted losers my age come crawling out of the woodwork to hang out there. Alas, that isn't much of my scene, so I figured I'd roll on home instead. I'd hoped to kick it with Steph for awhile, but it looks like we'll be doing that tomorrow night sometime. Adam came over for a few hours, though, so that was badass; it was cool just sitting around and shooting the shit.
And no, Adam, we're not gonna call my place The Petting Zoo. Just cause i'm a Goat does not mean you get to pet me! Cause dude... that's just wrong.
Oh, and Coyote is coming back into town for the weekend, too, so we might go score a few cold ones tomorrow night as well. That should kick ass; it's been awhile since i've seen her, and I'm sure we'll have plenty of catching up to do.
Time to hit the sack... i made it to the office at 7:10am today, first time before 8 in damn near two weeks. So i'm beat. Have an awesome rest of the friday night, if you're still raising some hell, and sleep well tonight. See ya tomorrow.
I'm awfully tired tonight, so I'm gonna have to make this a short one. Overall, happy hour was suprisingly noneventful tonight. Didn't do much but speak politics with the old man, which makes for quite interesting times since I'm a liberal while he just loves his Fox News Channel and Rush Limbaugh. Thankfully we're civil towards each other (most of the time), so it's all good.
Afterwards, both him and cindy wanted me to head over to this new place in Mandan, called the Dog Pound... but i gracefully declined. They had $2.00 pounders, which sounded enticing, but I guess around seven or eight they start playing a buttload of rap music and all the whitehatters and other assorted losers my age come crawling out of the woodwork to hang out there. Alas, that isn't much of my scene, so I figured I'd roll on home instead. I'd hoped to kick it with Steph for awhile, but it looks like we'll be doing that tomorrow night sometime. Adam came over for a few hours, though, so that was badass; it was cool just sitting around and shooting the shit.
And no, Adam, we're not gonna call my place The Petting Zoo. Just cause i'm a Goat does not mean you get to pet me! Cause dude... that's just wrong.
Oh, and Coyote is coming back into town for the weekend, too, so we might go score a few cold ones tomorrow night as well. That should kick ass; it's been awhile since i've seen her, and I'm sure we'll have plenty of catching up to do.
Time to hit the sack... i made it to the office at 7:10am today, first time before 8 in damn near two weeks. So i'm beat. Have an awesome rest of the friday night, if you're still raising some hell, and sleep well tonight. See ya tomorrow.
Dude! I so found my new ride!
http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=484634
Now, off to get ready for another happy hour expedition. This time once again at the taj mahal of establishments, the Stage Stop. Joy.
I shall report back. Wish me luck!
http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=484634
Now, off to get ready for another happy hour expedition. This time once again at the taj mahal of establishments, the Stage Stop. Joy.
I shall report back. Wish me luck!
1.15.2004
Comments are comin' back, baby! Boo-ya!
Turns out they got killed because the service I used, BlogSpeak, went down. The service provider for BlogSpeak ended up shutting it down for reasons unmentioned, so guy that ran BlogSpeak worked out a deal to transfer all our user accounts and past comments to another blog-comment service. This should be ready, from what I hear, in the next few days.. which kicks ass. Especially since all the old comments will be retained, too. What a wonderful world we live in!
Pick a day from this week, any day really, and that's what today was like. It just really wasn't that much different from the rest. It was obviously pretty badass that I quickly solved what I thought would be a bug from the seventh circle of hell, but other than that I just didn't do anything unusual. Code, come home, eat, watch the news, and code some more.
Oh, i guess I did get my MDU bill today. Again, not like that's anything amazing... one would think. Just another thing in the mail amongst a credit card bill, victoria's secret catalog, and a 1099-INT form from the bank. Until i opened the bastard. Back in, say, October I thought the old man was full of it when he said my heating & electric bill (then about $85) would double come February. Sure as shit, they want $158 for last month.
That's a lot of money for heat!
So now my place is even colder, a balmy 62 degrees. If this bill gets any higher next month there'll be hell to pay. Again, I find myself wondering why in the blue fuck I chose to stay here. Maybe I should follow my old coworker Stacy's example and move down to Flagstaff. I'm sure the office would let me remote in... Last week he mentioned how he was in Phoenix, running around in just a t-shirt, and was getting too hot. The bastard.
He's actually a pretty cool dude, though, and a hell of an artist. Go check out his site if you have some time: http://www.stacymark.com.
I suppose I should cut this short and hit the sack. Tomorrow will be a sort of unique day at work, since some fairly noisy construction will be going on at the office. They've chosen to almost double the size of our complex by adding a third building right next to the newer of the two existing ones (incidentally, the one i'm in). Said new building is but only ten or twelve feet from my building, so the things will actually be connected on all three floors when construction is complete. In order to connect buildings, however, one must cut holes in the existing building... and that's what the contractors are going to do tomorrow. From what i'm told, they'll be using these wicked saws to cut through the concrete walls at about a foot every twelve minutes, and they're not quiet saws. As in, there's no way in hell i'll be able to get work done once this commences. The contractors claim it'll start "sometime in the afternoon", but we've also heard this could be between 10am and noon.
Unfortunately, it's not like work will just say, hey guys you all kick ass, this saw thing blows, but you're pretty cool, so just take the day off with pay - as compensation for the inconvenience. No... i'll have to bring the laptop home and code some more. Alas.
At any rate, have a fine rest of the night, reader, sweet dreams, and have a pleasant Friday.
Turns out they got killed because the service I used, BlogSpeak, went down. The service provider for BlogSpeak ended up shutting it down for reasons unmentioned, so guy that ran BlogSpeak worked out a deal to transfer all our user accounts and past comments to another blog-comment service. This should be ready, from what I hear, in the next few days.. which kicks ass. Especially since all the old comments will be retained, too. What a wonderful world we live in!
Pick a day from this week, any day really, and that's what today was like. It just really wasn't that much different from the rest. It was obviously pretty badass that I quickly solved what I thought would be a bug from the seventh circle of hell, but other than that I just didn't do anything unusual. Code, come home, eat, watch the news, and code some more.
Oh, i guess I did get my MDU bill today. Again, not like that's anything amazing... one would think. Just another thing in the mail amongst a credit card bill, victoria's secret catalog, and a 1099-INT form from the bank. Until i opened the bastard. Back in, say, October I thought the old man was full of it when he said my heating & electric bill (then about $85) would double come February. Sure as shit, they want $158 for last month.
That's a lot of money for heat!
So now my place is even colder, a balmy 62 degrees. If this bill gets any higher next month there'll be hell to pay. Again, I find myself wondering why in the blue fuck I chose to stay here. Maybe I should follow my old coworker Stacy's example and move down to Flagstaff. I'm sure the office would let me remote in... Last week he mentioned how he was in Phoenix, running around in just a t-shirt, and was getting too hot. The bastard.
He's actually a pretty cool dude, though, and a hell of an artist. Go check out his site if you have some time: http://www.stacymark.com.
I suppose I should cut this short and hit the sack. Tomorrow will be a sort of unique day at work, since some fairly noisy construction will be going on at the office. They've chosen to almost double the size of our complex by adding a third building right next to the newer of the two existing ones (incidentally, the one i'm in). Said new building is but only ten or twelve feet from my building, so the things will actually be connected on all three floors when construction is complete. In order to connect buildings, however, one must cut holes in the existing building... and that's what the contractors are going to do tomorrow. From what i'm told, they'll be using these wicked saws to cut through the concrete walls at about a foot every twelve minutes, and they're not quiet saws. As in, there's no way in hell i'll be able to get work done once this commences. The contractors claim it'll start "sometime in the afternoon", but we've also heard this could be between 10am and noon.
Unfortunately, it's not like work will just say, hey guys you all kick ass, this saw thing blows, but you're pretty cool, so just take the day off with pay - as compensation for the inconvenience. No... i'll have to bring the laptop home and code some more. Alas.
At any rate, have a fine rest of the night, reader, sweet dreams, and have a pleasant Friday.
Score! I fixed my bug from yesterday and last night! Thank god for .NET's Control.Invoke() method.
For all ye geeks out there, what was happening was that an ESRI IMapControl2 of mine wasn't refreshing like i'd expect it to, and sometimes the thing would just totally hose out and crash the application when I tried refreshing it. The refreshing happens, though, in response to an event being fired from a class in a different DLL. The problem just reeked of a thread issue... thought maybe the event was being handled in a different thread than the main application, and the mapcontrol didn't like being refreshed from this different thread. Well, Control.Invoke() to the rescue! That method lets you invoke a method from the control's thread instead of the current context. Thus, it lets a person jump thread boundaries, and makes everyone happy.
I just love telling the world when I solve problems. :)
For all ye geeks out there, what was happening was that an ESRI IMapControl2 of mine wasn't refreshing like i'd expect it to, and sometimes the thing would just totally hose out and crash the application when I tried refreshing it. The refreshing happens, though, in response to an event being fired from a class in a different DLL. The problem just reeked of a thread issue... thought maybe the event was being handled in a different thread than the main application, and the mapcontrol didn't like being refreshed from this different thread. Well, Control.Invoke() to the rescue! That method lets you invoke a method from the control's thread instead of the current context. Thus, it lets a person jump thread boundaries, and makes everyone happy.
I just love telling the world when I solve problems. :)
1.14.2004
Song of the Evening - U2 - The Unforgettable Fire
What a difference a day can make. Yesterday went well, but today... wham. Another bug in some code at work that I get to spend the next two days trying to fix. This one, sadly, could be a hell of a lot worse than the last. And, because of said bug, I didn't get to hardly work on any of the shit that needs to be done for PlotMaker... so tomorrow night should be a fun one to say the least. Unfortunately, about the only thing that's holding me together at this point is the prospect of happy hour... which is a bit pathetic on a few different levels.
Thing is, I'm a person that loves to have things to look forward to. When i'm stuck in a tunnel with no apparent end, mired in a bog of screwed-up C# code and absolutely-enthralling technical writing, even the smallest things can bring some light into my day. Even if those things, like happy hour, run a very very high risk of turning awkward fast when bombs are inevitably dropped by those in attendance. And at this point, that's about all I have to look forward to. I might not head to the show this weekend over in mandan (if I can talk Cody into it, perhaps, but Brianne will be out of town, and i'd rather not go by myself), and i certainly have no clue whatsoever when i'll get to Fargo next. I'm trying for the weekend after my birthday, but that's even hard to say given finances and the condition of the Vehicle of Destruction.
The lack of cool things to look forward to has blown, but what sucks even more is that it seems like i've had hardly any moments "off" in a long time. With the work on PlotMaker, i haven't been away from the computer all that much... i'd say that each day this week i've spent a good 12 hours per day in front of one, either at work or home. That's a long time! I have movies that need watching and a brand-new red leatherette slipcase edition of Lord of the Rings to read.
But noooo... the code rears its head once again. Bear in mind, though, reader, most of this is my own damned fault, because I could have simply been working on PlotMaker over christmas break or something. But hey, it's break! 'Twould defeat the purpose, i think.
This is mostly why I got so fed up with school towards the end. What would end up happening was that i'd spend damn near all my time programming, reading, researching some history topic, or studying for exams. I was hardly ever social; if I had obligations I just couldn't shirk them and go hang out with my friends for some reason... i'd end up with this crappy guilty feeling. Sort of like if I skipped class. The bitch of it is that it would really get me down, too. See, I knew that my friends didn't make school out to be such a big life-or-death thing, so they were totally cool with hanging out amongst themselves... and did, without me, of course. I missed them, and it sucked. I was simply the kid on the block that could never come out and play. Naturally, this started really pissing me off towards the end, and i was incredibly happy to finish school so i could finally live a life where I had evenings and weekends free, where I could finally go out and socialize.
It's times like this week that remind me why I didn't go on to get my master's degree last May.
Friday shall be here soon, however. In the meantime, i'm calling it a night and hitting the sack. Dream sweetly, reader.
What a difference a day can make. Yesterday went well, but today... wham. Another bug in some code at work that I get to spend the next two days trying to fix. This one, sadly, could be a hell of a lot worse than the last. And, because of said bug, I didn't get to hardly work on any of the shit that needs to be done for PlotMaker... so tomorrow night should be a fun one to say the least. Unfortunately, about the only thing that's holding me together at this point is the prospect of happy hour... which is a bit pathetic on a few different levels.
Thing is, I'm a person that loves to have things to look forward to. When i'm stuck in a tunnel with no apparent end, mired in a bog of screwed-up C# code and absolutely-enthralling technical writing, even the smallest things can bring some light into my day. Even if those things, like happy hour, run a very very high risk of turning awkward fast when bombs are inevitably dropped by those in attendance. And at this point, that's about all I have to look forward to. I might not head to the show this weekend over in mandan (if I can talk Cody into it, perhaps, but Brianne will be out of town, and i'd rather not go by myself), and i certainly have no clue whatsoever when i'll get to Fargo next. I'm trying for the weekend after my birthday, but that's even hard to say given finances and the condition of the Vehicle of Destruction.
The lack of cool things to look forward to has blown, but what sucks even more is that it seems like i've had hardly any moments "off" in a long time. With the work on PlotMaker, i haven't been away from the computer all that much... i'd say that each day this week i've spent a good 12 hours per day in front of one, either at work or home. That's a long time! I have movies that need watching and a brand-new red leatherette slipcase edition of Lord of the Rings to read.
But noooo... the code rears its head once again. Bear in mind, though, reader, most of this is my own damned fault, because I could have simply been working on PlotMaker over christmas break or something. But hey, it's break! 'Twould defeat the purpose, i think.
This is mostly why I got so fed up with school towards the end. What would end up happening was that i'd spend damn near all my time programming, reading, researching some history topic, or studying for exams. I was hardly ever social; if I had obligations I just couldn't shirk them and go hang out with my friends for some reason... i'd end up with this crappy guilty feeling. Sort of like if I skipped class. The bitch of it is that it would really get me down, too. See, I knew that my friends didn't make school out to be such a big life-or-death thing, so they were totally cool with hanging out amongst themselves... and did, without me, of course. I missed them, and it sucked. I was simply the kid on the block that could never come out and play. Naturally, this started really pissing me off towards the end, and i was incredibly happy to finish school so i could finally live a life where I had evenings and weekends free, where I could finally go out and socialize.
It's times like this week that remind me why I didn't go on to get my master's degree last May.
Friday shall be here soon, however. In the meantime, i'm calling it a night and hitting the sack. Dream sweetly, reader.
1.13.2004
So yeah, work today was pretty cool ... i finally got this feature i've been working on half-ways completed. Mind you, the tough part comes next... so the rest of the week should be an interesting one. Especially combined with the extra time i'm pulling for PlotMaker. I ended up spending almost the whole of this evening monkeying around with it, finishing up the conversion of the user's guide from Microsoft Word format to CHM. Ah, the wonders of creating CHM files by hand with the god-awful microsoft html help workshop. Shoot me now...
*doin the "all i want for christmas is RoboHELP" dance*
But tomorrow I spose I'll spiff it up a little, throw in some cool screenshots and stuff like that, integrate the help file into the program itself, and call it good. After that, i won't have much else to actually work on other than testing and maybe editing the user's guide some more. I wouldn't mind making a few more passes over the thing, checking grammar and basic readability. I'm sort of anal when it comes to stuff like that.
I had also meant to give some folks a call tonight, as i was feeling a bit more sociable than last night. Alas, the damned code got in the way again. If nothing else I'd kinda like to get ahold of Cassie, see what she's up to, and see what's going on for Friday night - perhaps, coupled with my other friends in town, I could have myself a regular wild west hoe-down over here. Shit, tomorrow's already wednesday, and before I know it i'm sure i'll be sitting up at the comfort inn or space alien's for happy hour with the proverbial tall Killian's in hand, bullshitting with the old man. Thus, getting off my ass and planning something for Friday night might be in order before it sneaks up on me, leaving me with an anticlimactic evening in front of the TV, with only 23 channels of relative shit to choose from.
My bedtime does indeed draw ever closer, though... and i'm wicked tired. About time for the 'ol goat to hit the sack, i think. Hope all is well in your world, reader, and that you're staying happy. Sleep well, and have a glorious Wednesday.
*doin the "all i want for christmas is RoboHELP" dance*
But tomorrow I spose I'll spiff it up a little, throw in some cool screenshots and stuff like that, integrate the help file into the program itself, and call it good. After that, i won't have much else to actually work on other than testing and maybe editing the user's guide some more. I wouldn't mind making a few more passes over the thing, checking grammar and basic readability. I'm sort of anal when it comes to stuff like that.
I had also meant to give some folks a call tonight, as i was feeling a bit more sociable than last night. Alas, the damned code got in the way again. If nothing else I'd kinda like to get ahold of Cassie, see what she's up to, and see what's going on for Friday night - perhaps, coupled with my other friends in town, I could have myself a regular wild west hoe-down over here. Shit, tomorrow's already wednesday, and before I know it i'm sure i'll be sitting up at the comfort inn or space alien's for happy hour with the proverbial tall Killian's in hand, bullshitting with the old man. Thus, getting off my ass and planning something for Friday night might be in order before it sneaks up on me, leaving me with an anticlimactic evening in front of the TV, with only 23 channels of relative shit to choose from.
My bedtime does indeed draw ever closer, though... and i'm wicked tired. About time for the 'ol goat to hit the sack, i think. Hope all is well in your world, reader, and that you're staying happy. Sleep well, and have a glorious Wednesday.
BAM!
KISS MY ASS, EXTENT RECTANGLE! I so own you.
http://forums.esri.com/Thread.asp?c=93&f=993&t=115068
Been working on that shit since thursday last week at work here. Boo-ya!
KISS MY ASS, EXTENT RECTANGLE! I so own you.
http://forums.esri.com/Thread.asp?c=93&f=993&t=115068
Been working on that shit since thursday last week at work here. Boo-ya!
1.12.2004
I returneth.
Remember how i mentioned i wasn't feeling all that sociable? Damn... understatement of the day. It was seriously like pulling teeth to put on the Happy Face and be all friendly and, well, chipper around the toaster and her family, which tonight was the whole nine yards, man; mom and stepdad and sister and her b/f and the little ones. So, ah, yeah. It was cool going out and socializing and seeing friends, but those who know me well and are down with the happenings of the last quarter of '03 would most certainly understand the extreme level of awkwardness... given this is the first time i've been over to hang with the family since, ah, probably sometime in October.
Driving back, though, i had one of my little spiritual moments. Now, this isn't where i've like aligned the rocks with the moon to help channel all this energy into me, nor stopped off on the side of the road and made a small offering to the monkey god of Zambizi or some shit... it was just one of those little moments in life where one is humbled by pure existence. On the way back, i was just cruising down broadway, heading eastbound so's i could hang a left onto 16th and truck back to my place, when i noticed a star in the east. I suppose it could have been Venus, but that's a bit late in the night to see it, not? Anyways, it was the only star i'd noticed this whole night, and for some reason seeing it just made the whole world stop. Caught in that moment of rapture, it was just me, the star, and the cold, empty, ultimately indifferent world.
It was at that moment that i knew, no matter what, everything's going to be alright.
Sleep well, reader.
Remember how i mentioned i wasn't feeling all that sociable? Damn... understatement of the day. It was seriously like pulling teeth to put on the Happy Face and be all friendly and, well, chipper around the toaster and her family, which tonight was the whole nine yards, man; mom and stepdad and sister and her b/f and the little ones. So, ah, yeah. It was cool going out and socializing and seeing friends, but those who know me well and are down with the happenings of the last quarter of '03 would most certainly understand the extreme level of awkwardness... given this is the first time i've been over to hang with the family since, ah, probably sometime in October.
Driving back, though, i had one of my little spiritual moments. Now, this isn't where i've like aligned the rocks with the moon to help channel all this energy into me, nor stopped off on the side of the road and made a small offering to the monkey god of Zambizi or some shit... it was just one of those little moments in life where one is humbled by pure existence. On the way back, i was just cruising down broadway, heading eastbound so's i could hang a left onto 16th and truck back to my place, when i noticed a star in the east. I suppose it could have been Venus, but that's a bit late in the night to see it, not? Anyways, it was the only star i'd noticed this whole night, and for some reason seeing it just made the whole world stop. Caught in that moment of rapture, it was just me, the star, and the cold, empty, ultimately indifferent world.
It was at that moment that i knew, no matter what, everything's going to be alright.
Sleep well, reader.
Dude... bunk! BlogSpeak ate it, so my comments are all pooched and noone can leave me little notes here and there. Dammit!
I just can't stop crying, 'tis so painful a thing... i'm sure i'll hardly sleep tonight, thinking of all the people who won't be able to comment on my poor little entries... :(
But other than the tremendous heartbreak I just experienced, today wasn't bad at all. Work just flew by, and I got started on converting my PlotMaker user's guide over to CHM format - so it can be all nice and integrated with my program and all, where user's will be able to select Contents from the Help menu and see all my handiwork, instead of opening up a PDF document or something like that. Woohoo!
Yeah, that was sarcasm there.
I guess I get to go out and be social, though ... the toaster just called and summoned me over to her place. From what I hear, she heads back to fargo tomorrow, so this must have been just some quick little jaunt back home or something. I'm not feeling terribly social tonight (i've been in this bizarre inwardly-somber-yet-outwardly-chipper mood lately), but it's good to get out and see one's friends, too.
I shall return soon.
I just can't stop crying, 'tis so painful a thing... i'm sure i'll hardly sleep tonight, thinking of all the people who won't be able to comment on my poor little entries... :(
But other than the tremendous heartbreak I just experienced, today wasn't bad at all. Work just flew by, and I got started on converting my PlotMaker user's guide over to CHM format - so it can be all nice and integrated with my program and all, where user's will be able to select Contents from the Help menu and see all my handiwork, instead of opening up a PDF document or something like that. Woohoo!
Yeah, that was sarcasm there.
I guess I get to go out and be social, though ... the toaster just called and summoned me over to her place. From what I hear, she heads back to fargo tomorrow, so this must have been just some quick little jaunt back home or something. I'm not feeling terribly social tonight (i've been in this bizarre inwardly-somber-yet-outwardly-chipper mood lately), but it's good to get out and see one's friends, too.
I shall return soon.
1.11.2004
So ends another weekend. Most of my Sundays are usually uneventful... but today was good. Seems like there's been a string of good days lately, and I can't really complain much about that. I didn't do a lot today, but I finally dragged my ass to JC Penney and got my watch band resized. After dropping a good 55 pounds last year, the thing was painfully loose, and got to be quite the annoying bastard. With that taken care of, i'm just a bit happier. Plus, I wrapped up my printing code for PlotMaker, making me feel like less of a sack. Now I just need to finish the documentation for it and we should be good to go for our Jan. 17th delivery date.
That's coming up far too fast for my liking. Oh well, keeping busy keeps me out of trouble. It does make it a bit hard to socialise, though. Granted, there aren't too many people here that I chill with, but I wouldn't mind seeing cody and brianne this week by any means. Also, General Assdick called me tonight and, amongst other things, informed me that his other half - the toaster - is back home until tuesday. Not sure if she'll call or not, but ... that's another person i might just miss hanging out with this week due to the wonderment of technical writing. Alas.
Besides running errands and coding, though, not much else went on besides hanging out with brianne for a few hours. We didn't do much besides sit around and bullshit, but it was a good time nonetheless. One added bonus was that I got to introduce her to the glory that is Cake's Prolonging the Magic. Granted, it's no Motorcade, but it still hauls tremendous amounts of ass. Songs like Guitar and Never There just touch me so. Hell, they even talk about Goats on the album! :)
I suppose I should make my way to bed, though... it's about that time. Dream some good dreams, reader, and have a pleasant monday, be it starting off the new semester or just starting another week at the office.
That's coming up far too fast for my liking. Oh well, keeping busy keeps me out of trouble. It does make it a bit hard to socialise, though. Granted, there aren't too many people here that I chill with, but I wouldn't mind seeing cody and brianne this week by any means. Also, General Assdick called me tonight and, amongst other things, informed me that his other half - the toaster - is back home until tuesday. Not sure if she'll call or not, but ... that's another person i might just miss hanging out with this week due to the wonderment of technical writing. Alas.
Besides running errands and coding, though, not much else went on besides hanging out with brianne for a few hours. We didn't do much besides sit around and bullshit, but it was a good time nonetheless. One added bonus was that I got to introduce her to the glory that is Cake's Prolonging the Magic. Granted, it's no Motorcade, but it still hauls tremendous amounts of ass. Songs like Guitar and Never There just touch me so. Hell, they even talk about Goats on the album! :)
I suppose I should make my way to bed, though... it's about that time. Dream some good dreams, reader, and have a pleasant monday, be it starting off the new semester or just starting another week at the office.
Song of the Moment - REM - Texarkana
20,000 miles to an oasis
20,000 years will I burn
20,000 chances I wasted
Waiting for the moment to turn
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall
Walking through the woods I have faced it
Looking for something to learn
30,000 thoughts have replaced it,
Never in my time to return
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall
All alone
Waiting to fall
40,000 stars in the evening
Look at them fall from the sky
40,000 reasons for living
40,000 tears in your eye
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall
Someone should fix my color printing routine for PlotMaker... specifically the one that draws the one-pixel-wide rectanges around the colorized squares representing field plots. It's only drawing grid lines around, say, every third or fourth row of plots. Likely, it's a problem with some float values that i'm using, where I should be using int values. Mind you, i don't need an explicit cast so there shouldn't be a loss of precision. What the fuck...
Damn you, PlotMaker! hehe
I've to head to my grandma's shortly to score some food, but I thought i'd pop in here for a sec and write a bit. I haven't done a thing today, besides sleep in till 11am (score!), but yesterday was cool. July Lucille and I went and saw Big Fish, which was actually really awesome. If you've not seen it, reader, you should. Then we ended up kicking it for the rest of the night with one of her friends, cassie. Scored dinner over at Fiesta Villa and just drove around for a few hours bullshitting and whatnot. All in all it was really low-key but kicked ass, and was awesome getting to know someone new.
Thing is, I had no idea what any plans were, it was all really spur-of-the-moment, so it made getting together with some other friends (the lobster and brianne) a bit difficult. Plus, i didn't really stay out all that late anyways; i was damned tired again. I felt bad, though, since i wanted to chill with both brianne and the lobster and didn't get a chance to. Which especially blew since the lobster left home today to go back to school, and I have absolutely no idea when i'll see her again - the way the ghetto taurus is, being quite under the weather, probably not for a good while. Which really blows.
I guess, in that case, yeasterday was a bit of a double-edged sword - still having fun and meeting someone new, but not really being able to see your friends off with a proper goodbye. Alas, the world keeps turning. Which means i need to get my ass in gear here and go get that food of my grandma's, come back, and start some coding that I need to get done. Hope you had a cool weekend, reader, and enjoy the rest of your Sunday.
Thing is, I had no idea what any plans were, it was all really spur-of-the-moment, so it made getting together with some other friends (the lobster and brianne) a bit difficult. Plus, i didn't really stay out all that late anyways; i was damned tired again. I felt bad, though, since i wanted to chill with both brianne and the lobster and didn't get a chance to. Which especially blew since the lobster left home today to go back to school, and I have absolutely no idea when i'll see her again - the way the ghetto taurus is, being quite under the weather, probably not for a good while. Which really blows.
I guess, in that case, yeasterday was a bit of a double-edged sword - still having fun and meeting someone new, but not really being able to see your friends off with a proper goodbye. Alas, the world keeps turning. Which means i need to get my ass in gear here and go get that food of my grandma's, come back, and start some coding that I need to get done. Hope you had a cool weekend, reader, and enjoy the rest of your Sunday.
1.10.2004
Hola!
Had a pretty good day, all told. Well, happy hour was a little weird, but still better than most. Other than the inherent awkwardness of that, however, I kept busy at work - which made the day zip past - and spent a fun night kicking it with Brianne, the lobster, and her sister. Pretty low-key stuff (as is usually the case with me, alas) ... yet still awesome.
It sucks that after this week i won't see most of my crew for what sounds like quite awhile. Thankfully Brianne, Adam, Cody and Jen, Katie, and Locken are still here, but it's hard too since I don't get to see too much of them. With school starting again next week most of my peeps will be kept busy out in the flat lands of the "valley" (like, ohmigod), and the Vehicle of Destruction, is, well, self-destructing, so who knows when i'll see folks like the lobster, funkmaster pink, july lucille, steve/spanky/stewart, the princess, and the rest. Time does go by fast, though, so i'm sure i'll see them again before i know it.
That's about it for now, i guess. I'm ungodly tired and can't seem to think straight (hence also write) to save my life. Perhaps drinking damn near a whole pot of Christmas Blend tonight wasn't the best idea; not only am i under the influence of a shitload of caffeine, putting me in this odd zombielike state, my stomach hurts to beat all hell. Alas, my own damned fault. If you, intrepid reader, are still awake at this hour, dream sweetly tonight - and sleep in tomorrow! We could all use it.
Had a pretty good day, all told. Well, happy hour was a little weird, but still better than most. Other than the inherent awkwardness of that, however, I kept busy at work - which made the day zip past - and spent a fun night kicking it with Brianne, the lobster, and her sister. Pretty low-key stuff (as is usually the case with me, alas) ... yet still awesome.
It sucks that after this week i won't see most of my crew for what sounds like quite awhile. Thankfully Brianne, Adam, Cody and Jen, Katie, and Locken are still here, but it's hard too since I don't get to see too much of them. With school starting again next week most of my peeps will be kept busy out in the flat lands of the "valley" (like, ohmigod), and the Vehicle of Destruction, is, well, self-destructing, so who knows when i'll see folks like the lobster, funkmaster pink, july lucille, steve/spanky/stewart, the princess, and the rest. Time does go by fast, though, so i'm sure i'll see them again before i know it.
That's about it for now, i guess. I'm ungodly tired and can't seem to think straight (hence also write) to save my life. Perhaps drinking damn near a whole pot of Christmas Blend tonight wasn't the best idea; not only am i under the influence of a shitload of caffeine, putting me in this odd zombielike state, my stomach hurts to beat all hell. Alas, my own damned fault. If you, intrepid reader, are still awake at this hour, dream sweetly tonight - and sleep in tomorrow! We could all use it.
1.09.2004
1.08.2004
Today was ... busy. Nothing really interesting went down, but I spent a buttload of time trying to figure out how to do something using ArcObjects that should be trivial, but is anyting fucking but. Grr! It was so ungodly frustrating... Hopefully it all comes together sooner than later. It damned well better! Nonetheless, I'd planned on hitting it tomorrow for most of the day, trying to figure it out, but I remembered we're doing some interviewing tomorrow. We've three folks to meet with, so most of my day will be kept busy with that. Oh well. I can always put in some extra hours Saturday, i suppose, even though I'm inwardly hoping I can hook up with the Lobster for awhile and get her the little something I scored for her birthday, since she's heading back to the great flat lands of Fargo quite soon.
I'm pretty stoked that it's Friday already, though. I don't have any huge plans for this weekend, but hopefully my little gathering does indeed happen tomorrow night - and hopefully I can get out to see Big Fish on Saturday, too. There's a chance July Lucille and I might catch it during a matinee showing, so that would be cool. Especially since i've got this weird little thing about seeing movies by myself. In a pinch I'll do it (I was fully prepared to go by myself to LOTR), but I absolutely hate doing so and will avoid it at all costs. It's depressing! Even though you don't talk during movies, I still find it quite social, and I end up getting bummed out just cause I'm the only one there. Strangely, however, I'm just fine with going to concerts or restaurants by myself... go figure. Perhaps that's just one more little quirk of mine that, rolled in with all the others, works to create the enigma that is The Goat.
I have a fear that i'm really rambling right now, and making not a lot of sense... and i feel really spacey. Perhaps that's a sign that I best get my ass to bed, esp. since I'd like to be in the office before 7 tomorrow. And I have to shovel the godforsaken snow in the morning before then. Argh! Soon, though, spring will be here.
Dream sweetly, reader.
I'm pretty stoked that it's Friday already, though. I don't have any huge plans for this weekend, but hopefully my little gathering does indeed happen tomorrow night - and hopefully I can get out to see Big Fish on Saturday, too. There's a chance July Lucille and I might catch it during a matinee showing, so that would be cool. Especially since i've got this weird little thing about seeing movies by myself. In a pinch I'll do it (I was fully prepared to go by myself to LOTR), but I absolutely hate doing so and will avoid it at all costs. It's depressing! Even though you don't talk during movies, I still find it quite social, and I end up getting bummed out just cause I'm the only one there. Strangely, however, I'm just fine with going to concerts or restaurants by myself... go figure. Perhaps that's just one more little quirk of mine that, rolled in with all the others, works to create the enigma that is The Goat.
I have a fear that i'm really rambling right now, and making not a lot of sense... and i feel really spacey. Perhaps that's a sign that I best get my ass to bed, esp. since I'd like to be in the office before 7 tomorrow. And I have to shovel the godforsaken snow in the morning before then. Argh! Soon, though, spring will be here.
Dream sweetly, reader.
1.07.2004
Ahh... i'm so tired! But that's okay. I should get some good sleep out of this.
Like last night, this post shall be nice and short, since my bed is simply screaming for me to come spend some quality time with it. However, I just wanted to pop in and mention that both today and tonight were pretty good; got some nice things accomplished at work, and hung out with July Lucille again for a bit this evening. Certainly no complaints! It's nice having days that don't suck.
For all you crazy Bismarck folk out there, word on the street is that I might have a bit of a gathering Friday night. I'd also like to see the movie Big Fish sometime soon ... so maybe we can get a horde of us together and hit that shit Saturday. A penny for your thoughts, reader...
I'm so hitting the sack like right now. Pleasant dreams tonight, reader, and have a fine Thursday.
Like last night, this post shall be nice and short, since my bed is simply screaming for me to come spend some quality time with it. However, I just wanted to pop in and mention that both today and tonight were pretty good; got some nice things accomplished at work, and hung out with July Lucille again for a bit this evening. Certainly no complaints! It's nice having days that don't suck.
For all you crazy Bismarck folk out there, word on the street is that I might have a bit of a gathering Friday night. I'd also like to see the movie Big Fish sometime soon ... so maybe we can get a horde of us together and hit that shit Saturday. A penny for your thoughts, reader...
I'm so hitting the sack like right now. Pleasant dreams tonight, reader, and have a fine Thursday.
1.06.2004
I'm just on my way to bed here, but thought I'd give a very brief rundown of the day: it was good! Hung out with July Lucille for the evening, which was rad, just sitting around and bullshitting and such. She ended up coming back for a few days here, so it was good seeing her during her short little trip back.
And I finally got my six-month review at work today!! This was good, since finding out that you're doing well at work is certainly a nice thing, and raises are always welcome things. Having a little extra cash rocks ... especially when it's ass-cold outside. Perhaps I can start heating my place to 70 instead of keeping it at 64...
That's about it for now, though - i'm pretty tired, and i must work tomorrow, so it's time for the Goat to hit the proverbial sack. Sweet dreams, reader, and have a good one.
And I finally got my six-month review at work today!! This was good, since finding out that you're doing well at work is certainly a nice thing, and raises are always welcome things. Having a little extra cash rocks ... especially when it's ass-cold outside. Perhaps I can start heating my place to 70 instead of keeping it at 64...
That's about it for now, though - i'm pretty tired, and i must work tomorrow, so it's time for the Goat to hit the proverbial sack. Sweet dreams, reader, and have a good one.
1.05.2004
Song of the Moment - Nickel Creek - When You Come Back Down
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire
And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall
Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare,
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
... yeah, i know it's Nickel Creek, quasi-bluegrass goodness, but hey, it's still a cool song! And it captures how I feel.
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire
And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall
Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings
When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare,
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down
... yeah, i know it's Nickel Creek, quasi-bluegrass goodness, but hey, it's still a cool song! And it captures how I feel.
1.04.2004
Just on my way to bed here... thought I might as well add a closing note for the day. I did get my Mandan errands done, sort of, but things didn't pan out as expected so we'll see what happens in the next few days. Alas, it was good getting out - and I also scored some homemade bean soup from my aunt during the expedition, too. No complaints there; it's wicked tasty.
Note the usage of expedition above: wind chills today were around -28, and tomorrow could push -40 or more. Sometimes I really do wonder why the hell I live here. My poor Taurus hates this weather, too, but I suppose it could be plenty worse. I could live in Alabama or something. But hey, then I could have a mullet!
Tonight was rad, though. I spent a few hours chatting it up with Brianne over at my place, and it was really good .. helped pull me out of a bit of a rut I was in which started yesterday. We'd planned on watching a flick or something (I was gunning for AI, Donnie Darko, or American Beauty, but that's just what i felt like tonight i guess) but we ended up just chatting instead. In retrospection, i'm glad it turned out as such.
I need to be getting on my way, though, to bed, since I return to the office tomorrow. Grr... I was starting to enjoy this break! The change of scenery will be nice, though, as will the cash flow generated from such an endeavor. I leave you, then, with a small selection of photos I took of myself today. Figured the 'ol match.com profile could use some, for what it's worth.
photo one
photo two
photo three
photo four
Try and have a good Monday tomorrow, reader, and if nothing else, dream of the warm summer evenings that lay ahead. Simple evenings spent with friends, drinks, and smiles ... time spent next to that special someone, last light of the day streaming through her hair. Dream of evenings filled with calm wonder and infinite bliss.
They'll be here soon.
Note the usage of expedition above: wind chills today were around -28, and tomorrow could push -40 or more. Sometimes I really do wonder why the hell I live here. My poor Taurus hates this weather, too, but I suppose it could be plenty worse. I could live in Alabama or something. But hey, then I could have a mullet!
Tonight was rad, though. I spent a few hours chatting it up with Brianne over at my place, and it was really good .. helped pull me out of a bit of a rut I was in which started yesterday. We'd planned on watching a flick or something (I was gunning for AI, Donnie Darko, or American Beauty, but that's just what i felt like tonight i guess) but we ended up just chatting instead. In retrospection, i'm glad it turned out as such.
I need to be getting on my way, though, to bed, since I return to the office tomorrow. Grr... I was starting to enjoy this break! The change of scenery will be nice, though, as will the cash flow generated from such an endeavor. I leave you, then, with a small selection of photos I took of myself today. Figured the 'ol match.com profile could use some, for what it's worth.
photo one
photo two
photo three
photo four
Try and have a good Monday tomorrow, reader, and if nothing else, dream of the warm summer evenings that lay ahead. Simple evenings spent with friends, drinks, and smiles ... time spent next to that special someone, last light of the day streaming through her hair. Dream of evenings filled with calm wonder and infinite bliss.
They'll be here soon.
Ah, the excitement!
Just another dull Sunday, after a particularly dull Saturday. I'm sure those are useful now and again, but it's pretty bad when you hit the sack at 11:45 and don't wake up for damn near twelve hours. I experimented, though, and threw another comforter on my bed, and holy shit does that help me sleep. Normally i refrain from such things because i'm so hot (well, yeah, but like, temperature i mean) that extra covers end up pissing me off. Perhaps i've changed... because this is pure bliss.
Blows that I had to wait till the weekend right BEFORE work to sleep in; I should have done this sooner.
That's okay, though - I've been trying to psych myself up for the return tomorrow. Coding a little yesterday did help that, and I'll need to do so again today for a little bit - but not for too long. I'd like to do something later besides code, since I'll get to do all sorts of that this upcoming week. I was considering hitting the China Garden for dinner, but as it turns out I've errands to run concerning the mother over in Mandan right around dinner-time. Bah! I guess it's not going anywhere, though ... i can always head out there next week sometime.
I just really want to avoid a repeat of yesterday, which besides being boring, kept me in quite a somber mood, and just overall blew. Highlight of the day, though: watching a live internet feed of the NASA JPL mission control room as the Mars Spirit rover went through the EDL phase (entry, descent, and landing). It was actually a trip watching all of it happen live; it felt, as cheesy as it sounds, like I was right there with them. At one point, they knew it landed but lost the signal as it was bouncing upon its airbags before coming to complete rest. The minutes while trying to reacquire the signal were pretty tense, but when they found it again the whole room just exploded in pandemonium. Nothing like seeing NASA scientists jumping around the room like a bunch of crazed spider monkeys. Excellent stuff. :)
I suppose it's about time i get my ass in gear and get ready for the day. Have a fine Sunday, reader, and don't lose that pretty smile on your face.
Just another dull Sunday, after a particularly dull Saturday. I'm sure those are useful now and again, but it's pretty bad when you hit the sack at 11:45 and don't wake up for damn near twelve hours. I experimented, though, and threw another comforter on my bed, and holy shit does that help me sleep. Normally i refrain from such things because i'm so hot (well, yeah, but like, temperature i mean) that extra covers end up pissing me off. Perhaps i've changed... because this is pure bliss.
Blows that I had to wait till the weekend right BEFORE work to sleep in; I should have done this sooner.
That's okay, though - I've been trying to psych myself up for the return tomorrow. Coding a little yesterday did help that, and I'll need to do so again today for a little bit - but not for too long. I'd like to do something later besides code, since I'll get to do all sorts of that this upcoming week. I was considering hitting the China Garden for dinner, but as it turns out I've errands to run concerning the mother over in Mandan right around dinner-time. Bah! I guess it's not going anywhere, though ... i can always head out there next week sometime.
I just really want to avoid a repeat of yesterday, which besides being boring, kept me in quite a somber mood, and just overall blew. Highlight of the day, though: watching a live internet feed of the NASA JPL mission control room as the Mars Spirit rover went through the EDL phase (entry, descent, and landing). It was actually a trip watching all of it happen live; it felt, as cheesy as it sounds, like I was right there with them. At one point, they knew it landed but lost the signal as it was bouncing upon its airbags before coming to complete rest. The minutes while trying to reacquire the signal were pretty tense, but when they found it again the whole room just exploded in pandemonium. Nothing like seeing NASA scientists jumping around the room like a bunch of crazed spider monkeys. Excellent stuff. :)
I suppose it's about time i get my ass in gear and get ready for the day. Have a fine Sunday, reader, and don't lose that pretty smile on your face.
1.02.2004
Happy Friday, reader!
Hopefully everyone's New Year's was a blast. All in all, I'd have to say mine was pretty sweet. I got a slight bit tuned, perhaps more than I should have, but alas, it's New Year's and I really needed to cap off a particularly shitty year.
2004 will be better. It simply has to be; I don't know if it could get any worse than 2003.
It was awesome being with my crew, though - Funkmaster Pink, The Lobster, Jen, Cody, Adam, Steph, and everyone else that popped in like Drew and the other folk. One girl that showed up even thought I was cute! Granted, she was sixteen and like all gothed-out and shit (aaaa) but she does get points for flattering me a bit, especially since I think i've only been referred to as "cute" a staggering three times.
Not that being gothed-out is completely bad (it's actually pretty rad if done tastefully), but sixteen, dude... damn.
So i've been thinking of a few new year's resolutions, like most ambitious folk. I've had quite a bit of time to think about them, too, between sitting here bored on my ass and going on drives and the like, but all i've been able to come up with are the following:
Hopefully everyone's New Year's was a blast. All in all, I'd have to say mine was pretty sweet. I got a slight bit tuned, perhaps more than I should have, but alas, it's New Year's and I really needed to cap off a particularly shitty year.
2004 will be better. It simply has to be; I don't know if it could get any worse than 2003.
It was awesome being with my crew, though - Funkmaster Pink, The Lobster, Jen, Cody, Adam, Steph, and everyone else that popped in like Drew and the other folk. One girl that showed up even thought I was cute! Granted, she was sixteen and like all gothed-out and shit (aaaa) but she does get points for flattering me a bit, especially since I think i've only been referred to as "cute" a staggering three times.
Not that being gothed-out is completely bad (it's actually pretty rad if done tastefully), but sixteen, dude... damn.
So i've been thinking of a few new year's resolutions, like most ambitious folk. I've had quite a bit of time to think about them, too, between sitting here bored on my ass and going on drives and the like, but all i've been able to come up with are the following:
- Get the credit cards paid off
- Score a new car (read: 2000-2002 Maxima, 5-speed, black or dark blue, < 40k miles)
- Meet some new people in this forsaken town, particularly of the female persuasion, since nothing has panned out in so so long and i doubt it will unless i take matters into my own hands
- Increase my buff-ness (i've the weights, i just need some motivation!)
I guess that's not a terribly bad list, and not all that ambitious aside from point #3... but I wish i had come up with more. Lord knows i had the time, especially with my drive out to St. Anthony last night, but I was sort of tired and zonked out and such, and grooving on the music, in a different frame of mind, to think about silly ambitions. But i did make it safely back from the adventure nonetheless, after dealing with some particularly iffy roads Mandan-side. I was sooo tired when i got back, though, i just crashed out when i hit the bed. No doubt i should have just kept with the original plan and came straight home from Pink's place (i was feeling really sick and sort of out of it, and i thought sleep was the best answer), but once i was on the open road, its call was far too irresistable.
Dammit, i should go, i need to run over to Mandan and run a few errands concerning the mother. Joy... oh well. Have a fine Friday, reader, and make the most of the time given to you.
1.01.2004
12.31.2003
Whew... awake after a wild night of "Dancin' Goat" craziness. Funkmaster Pink suprised all of us and showed up yesterday for the new year's event, so we chilled for awhile and ended up going to a mutual friend's birthday party with Cody and Jen. I was feeling a bit under the weather, both emotionally and physically, but once i had a few beers in me all was well with the world. Hell, I was even dancing!
There's something to be said for that, since Goat's generally don't dance. We aren't very graceful creatures, so we often make fools of ourselves or sprain our ankles at work or do something equally stupid.
Alas, it was a fucking blast. There's nothing that completes a night like cans of keystone light, shots of Karkov, and Goat with five other dudes belting out Metallica's Whiskey in the Jar at the top of our lungs. I think there might have been a moment when we were singing to Culture Club and some other 80s tunes, as well, but I can't exactly remember for sure. :)
But, as often is the case, errands reared their ugly head today, requiring me to yank my lazy ass out of bed at the hideous hour of 9:00am. A time which most certainly should not exist whilst on vacation. Thus, i'm running on a good six hours of sleep. Granted, normally I only get about 5.5 or 6 hrs anyways, but again, on vacation such a thing is a travesty.
I might have to nap today, then, given tonight's massive blow-out at Cody and Pink's place. Pretty much everyone and their uncle is coming, and it sounds like there'll be some new girls there too, so it should be a kick-ass time. Sometime this afternoon Pink and I are planning a mall run to see if we can find more folks we know to invite, then go score some tasty beverages, and get the house all ready for a night of pure insanity.
This year has blown far more ass than expected, so if I have anything to say about it, it's going out with a bang.
Time for me to go tend to some laundry and other nasty details of normal, every-day existence. Have a rockin' new year's, reader, and be safe.
There's something to be said for that, since Goat's generally don't dance. We aren't very graceful creatures, so we often make fools of ourselves or sprain our ankles at work or do something equally stupid.
Alas, it was a fucking blast. There's nothing that completes a night like cans of keystone light, shots of Karkov, and Goat with five other dudes belting out Metallica's Whiskey in the Jar at the top of our lungs. I think there might have been a moment when we were singing to Culture Club and some other 80s tunes, as well, but I can't exactly remember for sure. :)
But, as often is the case, errands reared their ugly head today, requiring me to yank my lazy ass out of bed at the hideous hour of 9:00am. A time which most certainly should not exist whilst on vacation. Thus, i'm running on a good six hours of sleep. Granted, normally I only get about 5.5 or 6 hrs anyways, but again, on vacation such a thing is a travesty.
I might have to nap today, then, given tonight's massive blow-out at Cody and Pink's place. Pretty much everyone and their uncle is coming, and it sounds like there'll be some new girls there too, so it should be a kick-ass time. Sometime this afternoon Pink and I are planning a mall run to see if we can find more folks we know to invite, then go score some tasty beverages, and get the house all ready for a night of pure insanity.
This year has blown far more ass than expected, so if I have anything to say about it, it's going out with a bang.
Time for me to go tend to some laundry and other nasty details of normal, every-day existence. Have a rockin' new year's, reader, and be safe.
12.30.2003
Song of the Noon Hour - Smashing Pumpkins - Geek USA
Dude... I slept in today!!!
Last night rocked - no weird dreams, no laying there for a good hour and a half until i fall asleep, and I actually was able to keep my ass in bed until 11:30. Yes! I'm sure this will cause me royal problems come next week, when I must return to the office, but for now, this is sweet sweet bliss.
The Denny's didn't even mess with me last night... there just might be hope for the Goat yet!
But, seeing that I just woke up about an hour ago, not much has transpired yet. All I've done today so far is freshen up, order some coins from the US Mint (work got me a $50 gift certificate for Christmas usable on the Mint's website), and eat a fine breakfast of honey nut cheerios. Seriously, one of the best cereals out there - right up there with frosted mini wheats, cinnamon toast crunch, and cocoa pebbles. So, all in all, it's been an okay morning. At the very least, the shop hasn't yet called to tell me the Taurus is done, which is fine by me since I'm a bit concerned about the final cost of all this.
Sometimes it's easier just pushing bad things onto the proverbial back burner and forgetting about them for a little bit.
For now, I'll just meander downstairs and watch a little more of the first season of Friends. Have a joyous Tuesday afternoon, reader.
Dude... I slept in today!!!
Last night rocked - no weird dreams, no laying there for a good hour and a half until i fall asleep, and I actually was able to keep my ass in bed until 11:30. Yes! I'm sure this will cause me royal problems come next week, when I must return to the office, but for now, this is sweet sweet bliss.
The Denny's didn't even mess with me last night... there just might be hope for the Goat yet!
But, seeing that I just woke up about an hour ago, not much has transpired yet. All I've done today so far is freshen up, order some coins from the US Mint (work got me a $50 gift certificate for Christmas usable on the Mint's website), and eat a fine breakfast of honey nut cheerios. Seriously, one of the best cereals out there - right up there with frosted mini wheats, cinnamon toast crunch, and cocoa pebbles. So, all in all, it's been an okay morning. At the very least, the shop hasn't yet called to tell me the Taurus is done, which is fine by me since I'm a bit concerned about the final cost of all this.
Sometimes it's easier just pushing bad things onto the proverbial back burner and forgetting about them for a little bit.
For now, I'll just meander downstairs and watch a little more of the first season of Friends. Have a joyous Tuesday afternoon, reader.
Song of the Moment - Dave Matthews Band - #41
Whew... fun night out on the town with the Lobster and the Princess and, later on, July Lucille, too. But, alas, a night that left the poor Goat far too tired to coherently write.
Note to self, too, while i'm at it: I'm no longer in college... nasty-ass fatty Denny's food doesn't agree well with me anymore late at night like it used to. Bunk! I'm a bit on the queasy side, and i'm sure i'll end up having the hiatal hernia rear its ugly head tonight. It's honestly been quite awhile since it's given me hell, since as a matter of principle i don't eat late at night anymore, but ... this could buck the trend. We shall see.
All i really want is to just be able to sleep in tomorrow, really... i'm taking the time off of work - the least i should be able to do is sleep. I so could have today, too, if it wasn't for my awful ghetto Taurus. Took it to the shop today, who later told me it would cost something like $1075 to fix everything. Ahh... no. The coolant leak isn't too bad, so I opted just to get the rear brakes redone (since that's just one of those "duh" sort of things, being a safety issue and all) with a much-needed oil change thrown in for good measure. That should reduce the damage to about $450 (only) ... bah.
It is late, though, and my comfy bed is calling. Sleep well, reader, and dream sweetly.
Whew... fun night out on the town with the Lobster and the Princess and, later on, July Lucille, too. But, alas, a night that left the poor Goat far too tired to coherently write.
Note to self, too, while i'm at it: I'm no longer in college... nasty-ass fatty Denny's food doesn't agree well with me anymore late at night like it used to. Bunk! I'm a bit on the queasy side, and i'm sure i'll end up having the hiatal hernia rear its ugly head tonight. It's honestly been quite awhile since it's given me hell, since as a matter of principle i don't eat late at night anymore, but ... this could buck the trend. We shall see.
All i really want is to just be able to sleep in tomorrow, really... i'm taking the time off of work - the least i should be able to do is sleep. I so could have today, too, if it wasn't for my awful ghetto Taurus. Took it to the shop today, who later told me it would cost something like $1075 to fix everything. Ahh... no. The coolant leak isn't too bad, so I opted just to get the rear brakes redone (since that's just one of those "duh" sort of things, being a safety issue and all) with a much-needed oil change thrown in for good measure. That should reduce the damage to about $450 (only) ... bah.
It is late, though, and my comfy bed is calling. Sleep well, reader, and dream sweetly.
12.28.2003
Results of the Match.com What type of women should you date? test:
Couch Potato
"It's unlikely you'd ever find this woman, as you don't seem to go out much or know too many females. But this type of woman, being the same way, wouldn't find you either. Try making an effort to be more social if you want to increase your chances!"
Shit, that means I need to get off my ass and actually be proactive about stuff. Being ambitious blows.
That suggestion, though, has one glaring flaw: if I go out on a limb and become more social (which I read must mean going to bars, joining a club, or doing some other civic-minded function), I probably won't meet some couch-potato chicas there either, since, well, if they're in the same boat as me, they'll just be sitting at home watching Friends or reading Lord of the Rings. What the hell...
But, I suppose there's other things I can do today, instead of nurturing my inner social butterfly. The gods of winter weren't smiling down on Bismarck too much yesterday, and in their benevolence dumped quite a nice load of white shit on us. Once I get ambitious this morning, I'll need to venture out into the waste and shovel my walk and driveway. Joy. And I do need to brave the streets later and score some leftover Christmas food from Pink's mother. She made this weird Norweigan rice pudding that I absolutely love, so I'm fairly stoked about getting some. Even though I hardly got any lefse this year, I can't say the holidays were a total loss if I can come out with some of Sue's rumegrout.
Thankfully my left ankle is quite a bit better, too. The first day - Christmas Eve - sucked ass, but the swelling has gone down quite a bit and it doesn't hurt all that much. I can walk on the thing, but I'm trying to keep off of it just to help the swelling go down and to hopefully lessen this off-an-on tingling sensation that I feel. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but I'm leaning towards the bad, so we'll see how that one turns out. If I can avoid the doctor, though, that would be cool since I'm not much in a position this month to pay a deductible or simply the co-pay. The poor Vehicle of Destruction (Taurus) is way under the weather now, and I fear next week's repair bill will be kicking my ass. The coolandt system work alone will likely hit me for over $200, and I don't even want to think what the brakes will run - if I have them do 'em. My old man and I might just work on those instead and save some money.
Either way, cars just blow, since it always seems that whenever I get close to paying off my credit cards, they take a turn south... fast. But, if I can just ride the Ghetto Taurus out until next summer, I might be able to buy myself enough time to get the cards paid off and buy a nice black 5-speed Maxima. We shall see.
Enough bantering for now, however. I should go get a start on my day. Before I do that, though: more Match.com quizzes! Be like me and embrace your ambition today, reader, and have a fine, fulfilling Sunday.