Why is the font all fucked up in the editor?? I don't want 14pt Tahoma! Bastards!

Alas... i make do, even in the face of the ill-tempered font gods. I've been wasting the better part of this evening procuring various digital pleasures like Matthew Good Band mp3s. yay! I shall have to buy all of their CDs soon. They haul. Other than spending lots of time on the net, I read for awhile for class and did some more work for my job in Bismarck.

And I looked for places to rent, too. Tomorrow is crunch-time on that. Since it's April 1st, I'll be trying like a mad bastard to find a place to rent in Bismarck. I might have to even step down to an apartment, as much as I don't want to. Thing that irks me is that there are houses available for like $650/mo, but they go far too fast. If I can't nab one i'll be stuck getting an apartment for about the same price. Granted, it might be of better quality than the comparable house, but the idea of having my own place is very very tantalizing. Hell, I could have a yard, a garden, and no goddamned yetis or whatever they are living above me. I could blare Rush as loud as I wanted to, and have parties, and it would all be just a lot of wicked fun. Let's hope the rental gods are a little more benevolent than their font-dictating counterparts.

As lame as it sounds, I guess I haven't much more to say. I reckon I'll be going to bed soon. Sleep well, courageous one, and keep your head high, let the sun dance across your eyes, feel the wind run about in your hair, and connect with all that is.

Okay, well, the "more" in "more to come later" below is coming now. Why? Because I don't feel like dealing with reading my 489 book just now. The social implications of computers are interesting, yes, but right now writing in my blog and jamming to the pink disc of Mellon Collie is far more enticing.

So here I am.

What, you might just ask, have I been doing with my bad goat self this weekend? Suprisingly, lots more than the usual homework. Yesterday I worked a full day, as per usual, and I then went to Funkmaster Pink's. There we proceeded to drink copious amounts of Rolling Rock, talk of politics (mostly how fucking retarded this war is), life (the importance of spirituality), and women (the fact that we both are fiending like mad bastards and aren't quite getting any, much to our obvious disdain, and how confusing the opposite sex can be). After kicking back a good lot of the refreshingly light brew from out East, we got the clever idea to walk up from Pink's place to Taco Bell. It's not too far (about 11 blocks away), but it still made for a good little jaunt. Personally, I was hoping that Burger King was open so I could have a nice fattening burger after drinking, but alas it was far too late. Chicken Supreme gorditas work well to feed drunken goats, though, so all went home with inward smiles.

Today was fun as well. Steve and I went out shopping - he procured some roses for his lady friend, The Princess - while I explored Hemp & Bead and The Vinyl Connection. Afterwards we took off for the mall. The intent was to hit Creative Kitchen since they're running a sale on some Wusthof cutlery. Now, I had planned on getting a seven-piece Wusthof block set at Bed Bath & Beyond today, so I could use a 20% off coupon I recieved in the mail (it brought the cost of the set down to $200.00). I noticed some separate knives on sale at CK, but the block I wanted was $229.00. On a whim, I asked if they would do a price match for me. The helpful clerk checked for me and, praise the gods, found she could. The fun part of this is that she didn't charge me $200.00 for the block - she actually rang the block as 20% off their price! So here's goat, a bit estatic to say the least, scoring a $400.00 regular-priced knife set for $189.00! hehe... I also procured some other goodies like wooden spoons and a baking set that contained a mixing bowl and some other stuff. Then at Bed Bath & Beyond I got an oven mit and pot holder, some Pyrex bakeware, and a bread pan (or "loaf pan", as Steve calls it, bless his little heart).

Being a consumer is fun sometimes. Thanks, Minnesota Revenue!! *cue primetime gleaming-white-teeth smile*

And now I find myself sitting here, wondering what to blab on about next. Hmm... my life is pretty damned simple and boring, so who the fuck knows. It seems like I just sort of slide along day to day in this bizarre little cloud, a bit oblivious to the petty shit going on around me, to the wicked commercialism engrossing so many of us, not much caring about the deculturalization of us young folk. They can have their Wal-Mart and Sam's Club and fucking GAP... all I want is my queen bed with six pillows so I can fall asleep and be relatively comfortable whilst everyone fusses about their day wondering what Johnny thinks of her hair or what Lisa thinks of his new shades. Maybe I'm blowing a bit of this out of proportion, but hey, it's how I feel sometimes. I feel so out of place in this society of ours sometimes that it's just sick. The thought of making smalltalk about the weather in the elevator in the morning with some lawyer who works two floors below me makes me want to yack - it's so damned fake. I don't give a shit about the Vikings, I never wanted to go to prom, I drove a piece of shit yet still very kickass '68 ford ltd that appeared to be the colour of pea soup, and i've never cheated on a girl, nor been addicted to drugs. Hell, i've never smoked weed. But i know good bud when i see it. I've never beat anyone up, I've never gone behind anyone's back. I'm a supporter of the Green Party. I still haven't had sex yet, for chist's sake. And I write code. Statistically, I probably don't exist.

But in a way, that's how i like it. I'm staying under the radar, doing my own thing. I don't have many people to answer to, I don't have a girl who is constantly wondering what I am doing, having her paws in my life. I drive a Ford Taurus - the ultimate in stealth vehicles. And I'm a fairly quiet, laid-back dude, I think.

The moral of this story: one of these days i just hope the spaceship comes to take me back home. I'll be damned pissed if home doesn't have Kahlua though. Or velveeta shells 'n cheese, smoked salmon, Killian's Irish Red, Jagermeister, rock concerts, and an Olive Garden here and there. They best not come till I try the IHOP that just opened here, either. Still need to order some Ligenberry pancakes... (The Big Lebowski rears its head once again...)

Now that I've ranted, and you, reader, have endured such a chaotic flood of my thoughts, I shall let you go. Do sleep well tonight, and dream of chasing down the ice cream truck, back when you were five... and how good it tasted on the way back home.

quick post... more to come later. For now, enjoy some new poetry, hot of the press... so to speak.

Enjoy the rest of this fine springlike night, and dream of gazing upon stars this summer.

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The Gorge

3/22/03

Speeding fast, road trees sky world a blur
The sun falls and lightning strikes
Blinding flashes answer angry shrieks under the hood
Hot rubber and anguish thrust us towards torment

I clasp your hand as the rain falls
We are as one in the storm
Machine hot below us, fire in the sky

Let the rain hit the windshield
Don’t wipe it away
Let the hail slam down
Don’t hide away

If I slide, don’t hit the brakes
Just let me spin off in the dark
If I grip fast and pull through this night
Be at my side tomorrow

And if I don’t drive at all
If I slide to the edge and let the dust roll over

If I stop above the river and beneath the sun

Walk away from me
Make your way back home and let me smile

Time for a bit of relaxing moment. Today has been pretty hectic. I didn't get my normal break between OS and Stats; I had to go help my old history professor look at some computer equipment for the department. Then, after Networks, I camped out for awhile and just read some operating systems for the exam Thursday. We studied, too, but that went a bit worse than expected. This worries me.

I'll make it through, though - I always do, somehow.

Also, it appears as though we won't be going to Minneapolis this weekend. Instead I plan to go back home to Bismarck on Saturday morning. Chances are, I'll come back to Fargo on Monday sometime, earlier the better. I'm taking absolutely no homework either, so it should make for a nice, relaxing few days.

I guess I haven't much else to say, so I will bid you, faithful reader, farewell for now. Sleep well, and dream of contentment.

Today has been just your standard, run-of-the-mill, average, Ford Taurus type of day. I worked... and I ate (Subway and some chicken alfredo pizza for dinner) ... and I bummed around a bit as well. Still attempting to avoid OS for all it's worth. Shall all be over Thursday, though.

I spent awhile with the lobster last night, which was really cool. She called me out of the blue (weird in and of itself since i was considering on calling her last night) and we shot the proverbial shit for a little bit, wherupon I went over to the ghetto, picked her up, and went to Denny's. I had this thing called the "Super Bird", i think, that was fairly tasty. Turkey, bacon, etc. Perhaps not the most healthy thing a person could eat late at night, but I'm still alive. For now. It was rad seeing her though, and I had a blast. Nice to get out once in a while, especially while in the throes of a painfully busy week.

Oh, Steve and I (and maybe a few others; who knows) may head down to Minneapolis for the weekend, since our spring break is next week. Joy! I really want to get down there, make the pilgrimage to Motorwerks BMW, and check out an Infiniti dealer or two (I reckon that Sears there carries some). Since I think the G35 coupe is the shit, but I do need to make sure I can fit in it. And I'd love to check out some home furnishings stores, as well, to see if I can score anything for my new pad i'll be setting up in bismarck. And hey, one could always hit the 'Vu, I suppose... :)

I should get ready for my Social Implications class. Bah. Thank you for reading, and never lose hope - in anything.

Oh, shit, by the way... got my taxes done! By the TAXMAN... yay! This company in west fargo. Actually got $20 off the cost since they give a discount to the employees of the web design firm where i work. Mind you, it still cost me $125, but i was out of there in about 30 minutes. They also scored me about an extra $240 from my Minnesota state taxes, so that more than paid for the fees.

So quick and painless, it's a shame I ever did them myself! (queue the prime-time-commercial grin)

This post will be a quick one. I need to get my ass in gear and read some operating systems, much to my disdain.

However, here's a prose piece I just wrote, for use in a collaboration project with Funkmaster Pink. Inwardly I hope that it's good enough... :)

Peace, guys.
(alas, in short supply, in times like these - no thanks to our fearless Texan..)

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Hidden Agenda

3/6/03

It is in the large fourth-floor meeting room that David P. Roberts finally realizes the meaning of the dream. He is nestled in boredom, wrapped in a blanket of warm, stale office air, rolling in and out of a soft catnap. Entranced by that middle place, the murky paradise between fancy and reality, the message clicks home. He has been seeing the future all this time.

Today, David sits amongst his coworkers, listening to their frightening tales of second-quarter earnings. He occasionally mirrors their concern with a slightly wrinkled brow and a few perfunctory nods. Sometimes he smiles. Inside, though, brews his own fear. David has seen the future. His stomach turns inward and begins stabbing itself, for tomorrow morning, corporate survival instinct will reign. He knows he will fire his underlings, the very people he smiles at now. Sheila, Ted, Ray, the others around the mahogany table, they all stare, everyone concerned for the company - and yet he smiles.

Word up faithful bitches of progress! I'm on my break between OS and Stats, and thought I'd divulge a little.

BTW right now, I'm jamming to a partial set of songs from the Pumpkins' last show, at the Cabaret Metro in Chicago. Specifically, "Rocket" is up. That song fucking hauls ass; and this whole show is awesome. Every time I listen to it, I get goosebumps, honestly... it's amazing. If only I could have been there! My god...

Anyhow, the main reason I'm writing right now, I suppose, is due to my mass desire to avoid any OS reading like the plague. We've another test coming up there next week already, on Thursday, and needless to say I'm not looking forward to it (do I ever, though?). Seems like we just had one like last week or some shit. Granted i got a 100% on the first one so i'm not too worried, but i'm still concerned.

("I am One" is up now.. yay! But the mp3 is fucked so "Rhinoceros" is going now...)

I get my stats test back today, hopefully, so i'm inwardly hoping that went well. It should have - I only had to punt on one part of one question. Course, sometimes one gets suprised.

Funny, lately, that I've been lamenting a bit more about relationships. Traditionally this comes in cycles for me; often, I'll go weeks without giving a shit, but then there will be spans of a week or so where I'm really down about still being single. As I've explained before, the whole fiasco back in November and December soured things for me quite a bit. So I've hardly had any desire whatsoever to persue something since then. I realised too that I didn't bring a lot to the relationship. What exactly do I have to offer someone? No clue, really. Perhaps I do have things to offer, provided I hook up with a girl that allows me to offer those things. Alas. But I find myself coming back to it, thinking that no, I really don't have a lot to offer - so what's the purpose of being in a relationship then? I'm fine being on my own; I have relatively little fear of being alone as long as I have friends (ie I'm not one of these people that spaz if they're not in a relationship). My world is pretty much okay right now, and adding another person, some cool girl, would kick ass, but it would make things more complex, too. And right now, those benefits seem outweighed by the negative complexity involved.. the having to answer to someone, being told who you can't chill with (this seems to be commonplace in many relationships and bugs the living fuck out of me), etc etc. To hell with it.

("Shame"... performed well here, yet recorded like crap)

But on the other hand, right now, I have just a hint of that empty feeling inside, that one believes can only be fixed by some beautiful girl just out of reach. I know that's a fallacy too, though, since a relationship isn't quite a panacea, isn't something that'll fix all your problems. At least not for me.

("Blissed and Gone" - a fun little tune)

So, whatever, I suppose. All i can really hope for is this little tinge of desire for a gangsta bitch to subside, so I can keep it real once again. Make the most out of this afternoon, and remember to keep it real, too, homes.

This shall be a quick post, one, sadly, long delayed. This past week and a half, or so, has been a bit intense - work, school, Adaptive Latitudes (our possible business venture - http://www.adaptivelatitudes.com - and more. I'll have to write more soon.

In the meantime, here is a peice I just wrote last night. Finally, I write again! My last peice was written, well, sometime last October. Alas. Enjoy your evening.

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Unwanted Perseverance

3/2/03

England, a quiet Sunday morning
Sun just barely awake, mist still low
Spirits still riding
I stand alone amongst the beauty of emptiness

Down by the water, not far, I hear a few yelps;
The village hounds, playful in the fresh light
Call out to others “Come out and play! Come enjoy this day!
“Come, make this day yours and breathe life into this sleepy shire!”

But all the others are sound asleep,
Becoming what they’ll never be
Living lives unlivable, loving the unlovable
And finally coming home
In an airbrushed world of subconscious gilded perfection

To me
(and those abandoned best friends turned prophets)
the townsfolk are nothing but quaint porcelain dolls,
fragile unmoving things smiling in their unwaking fancies
I am not of this place; I do not belong

Bending to a sudden desire for a rosy-red porcelain smile,
I pause, and imagine joining the town in its morning retreat
I leave the hounds for a moment and slip away

You’re coming back to me again –
From the water, from the fog, you come towards me, like always
I cannot resist this
I smile and walk to meet you, euphoric with delight

And I pull away, opening my eyes, locking my heart
For I know you’ll return to the forest
And run back to the stars
You’ll blot out the sun for me, like always
Leaving but a faint hint of what could never be

Wondering what good it is to dream,
Why one should ever hope,
I clear my head of such silly thoughts

I resume my morning stroll, resolving to make new friends –
In the company of fellow cast-off souls
I’ll praise the sun by the waterfront